EMail for the start of the Show

Chris Corby · Post by **Chris Corby** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 10:11 am

A man went to the doctors. He said, "I only come and see you when I have at least three things wrong with me so I don't waste your time too much."
Doc says, "What's troubling you then?"
Man: Firstly, I keep dropping things. Secondly, I imagine I am someone else, like Napoleon or Churchill. Thirdly, I have a painful swelling in my groin."
Doctor consults his computer then says, "You have what we doctors call Des O Connor syndrome. You keep dropping things so that's 'Careless Hands'. You imagine you are someone else so that's 'I Pretend'. Your swelling in the groin, well that's......................" (well you get the idea)

Charlie Reams · Post by **Charlie Reams** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 4:33 pm

I don't get it.

Michael Wallace · Post by **Michael Wallace** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 5:30 pm

Charliewarlie wrote:I don't get it.

I was going to say the same thing, but figured someone else would comment saying so first. Wouldn't've bet on it being you, though.

Charlie Reams · Post by **Charlie Reams** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 6:47 pm

Michael Wallace wrote:
Charliewarlie wrote:I don't get it.
I was going to say the same thing, but figured someone else would comment saying so first. Wouldn't've bet on it being you, though.

Normally I don't like to advertise my ignorance, but in the case of Des O'Connor songs...

Chris Corby · Post by **Chris Corby** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 9:06 am

You lot may be winding me up, but just in case you are not:

Dick
a
Dum
Dum

Memo to Damian: Don't use this, nobody will get it unless the average age of the audience is over 60.

Further memo to Damian: It's OK to use it.

Damian E · Post by **Damian E** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 11:40 am

Thanks Chris, consider it plagiarised.

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Wed Apr 09, 2008 4:36 pm

Des's reactions to those are priceless, let alone that one.

Damian E · Post by **Damian E** » Wed Apr 16, 2008 8:15 am

Chris Corby wrote:A man went to the doctors. He said, "I only come and see you when I have at least three things wrong with me so I don't waste your time too much."
Doc says, "What's troubling you then?"
Man: Firstly, I keep dropping things. Secondly, I imagine I am someone else, like Napoleon or Churchill. Thirdly, I have a painful swelling in my groin."
Doctor consults his computer then says, "You have what we doctors call Des O Connor syndrome. You keep dropping things so that's 'Careless Hands'. You imagine you are someone else so that's 'I Pretend'. Your swelling in the groin, well that's......................" (well you get the idea)

Used it Chris, it'll be on screen at the beginning of the show on Monday May 19th - and you are credited as the contributor.

Went down very well.

Thanks

Jon Corby · Post by **Jon Corby** » Wed Apr 16, 2008 9:39 am

I bet he tapes over his recordings of my shows with this

Chris Corby · Post by **Chris Corby** » Wed Apr 16, 2008 10:03 am

Thanks Damian.

Nice for the Corby name to add some class to Countdown for a change.

I hope I wasn't humiliated by there being a reference to a past contestant with the same name.......................

Memo to Jason Larsen: Go on, you write an opening email. As a Countdown fan what other way are you going to get on the programme?

Chris Corby · Post by **Chris Corby** » Wed Apr 16, 2008 10:05 am

Corby wrote:I bet he tapes over his recordings of my shows with this

They all went a long time ago. I needed the space for 'Last of the Summer Wine''

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Wed Apr 16, 2008 4:05 pm

I have a question.

If we want to post drafts of our opening e-mails to the Countdown crew, should we post them all in this thread or should I start a new thread?

Jon Corby · Post by **Jon Corby** » Wed Apr 16, 2008 4:13 pm

Jason Larsen wrote:If we want to post drafts of our opening e-mails to the Countdown crew, should we post them all in this thread or should I start a new thread?

I think you should start a new thread. Plus also one which explained how you were feeling before you wrote it.
This question should have probably been in its own thread as well.
Just my opinion though.

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Wed Apr 16, 2008 4:48 pm

(This is my first time writing in British English, so please forgive me if I make a mistake.)

There was a young girl who lived with her mum. Her speech was delayed a little bit. Her mum taught her because she was homeschooled. One day, she decided to demonstrate how well she could count so she started counting backwards from infinity, (Infinity, 9 sextillion....)

(Needs a middle, maybe a few entertaining parts.)

When she got all the way down to 1, her mum said to her, "I think I've taught you well!"

Then, she said, "Thank you." You know, when I get older I'll be counting my blessings a lot."

Jason Larsen
Seattle, Washington USA

(P.S. I download torrents of Countdown every week, so that's how I get the pleasure of watching you both, Des and Carol. You are both great.)

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Wed Apr 16, 2008 4:50 pm

I thought that was a good e-mail draft to write because Des O'Connor is a smart man and it couldn't be any more appropriate to send such an e-mail since part of Countdown is about math.

Charlie Reams · Post by **Charlie Reams** » Wed Apr 16, 2008 4:58 pm

I've merged these posts for you Jason, I think Corby was kidding.

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Wed Apr 16, 2008 5:00 pm

Thank you, Charlie!

Now, does anybody have a middle for my e-mail?

Dan Vanniasingham · Post by **Dan Vanniasingham** » Wed Apr 16, 2008 5:08 pm

Charlie Reams wrote:I think Corby was kidding.

Whether he was kidding or not, he clearly felt all forum users needed to be tortured.

Jason: I like the idea of you writing an e-mail to be read out, as I suspect it would make you very happy

. However, I don't really follow your 'story', and I don't think it would fit in at the start of a show (despite the possible link to maths). How about you write something like 'Dear Des, I'm a Countdown fan from Seattle, USA, and enjoy watching you and Carol every day via the internet. I'd like to know...." - and then add a question that Des could answer for you? I'm sure you could think of something interesting that everyone else would like to know as well*.

* Not something like 'would you present a version of Countdown in the US', 'when did you last visit the US?' or 'why was a Countdown pilot scrapped for the US' - as that has little/no relevance to a British Countdown audience.

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Wed Apr 16, 2008 5:21 pm

Well, Dan, that's why my story needs a middle. It would be boring without one.

Dan Vanniasingham · Post by **Dan Vanniasingham** » Wed Apr 16, 2008 7:14 pm

Jason Larsen wrote:Well, Dan, that's why my story needs a middle. It would be boring without one.

I concur, but I can't envisage any middle that's remotely linked to the start or end which could make the story anything other than 'boring' at best.

But, you do what you feel best mate.

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Wed Apr 16, 2008 8:07 pm

I have an idea.

On Des O'Connor's official website, it says that he has met such people as Frank Sinatra, Sean Connery and Mel Gibson. I want to ask him what it was like to meet some of them.

Damian E · Post by **Damian E** » Wed Apr 16, 2008 8:12 pm

Jason Larsen wrote:I have an idea.

On Des O'Connor's official website, it says that he has met such people as Frank Sinatra, Sean Connery and Mel Gibson. I want to ask him what it was like to meet some of them.

Jason, if you want your contribution to the show to be used and televised, it can't be a personal question to Des. If you look at what Chris Corby submitted, (or rather, what i stole from him), then you'll see its a joke - a funny opening to the show. That's the sort of thing that we want. Am happy to read anything you might come up with, but we're looking for a laugh at the end of the day.

Thanks dude.

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Thu Apr 17, 2008 3:33 am

I submitted a joke to the cast and crew of Countdown to be hopefully read by Des at a later date.

Sometime in the near future, be sure to watch when a joke is read about two elderly ladies.

Jon Corby · Post by **Jon Corby** » Thu Apr 17, 2008 8:40 am

Jason Larsen wrote:Sometime in the near future, be sure to watch when a joke is read about two elderly ladies.

Are they riding bicycles on a cobbled street?

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Thu Apr 17, 2008 1:37 pm

Guess what, Jon?

I got a big surprise in my e-mail account today.

Because I have to work, I will not read it until I get home. I don't want it to get me too excited, and I have to focus on work.

Jon Corby · Post by **Jon Corby** » Thu Apr 17, 2008 1:48 pm

Jason Larsen wrote:I don't want it to get me too excited, and I have to focus on work.

What do you do in your work Jason?

Michael Wallace · Post by **Michael Wallace** » Thu Apr 17, 2008 2:15 pm

I can't believe that I want to know what the surprise is

Joseph Bolas · Post by **Joseph Bolas** » Thu Apr 17, 2008 2:18 pm

Michael Wallace wrote:I can't believe that I want to know what the surprise is

Probably one of those offers from a local store or supermarket

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Thu Apr 17, 2008 2:22 pm

I will let you all know as soon as I get home from work today.

Kirk Bevins · Post by **Kirk Bevins** » Thu Apr 17, 2008 3:47 pm

I can't wait.

Damian E · Post by **Damian E** » Thu Apr 17, 2008 3:58 pm

If its an email from the widow of a late Nigerian Prince who has randomly decided to make you rich beyond your wildest dreams in return for your bank account number and sort code, accompanied by a £35 'processing' fee, then ignore it.

I've already sent my £35 off and the inheritance will be all mine - so please don't try and beat me to it. You're too late.

Dan Vanniasingham · Post by **Dan Vanniasingham** » Thu Apr 17, 2008 4:38 pm

This is very old, but I don't remember reading about it first time out. Short of actually receiving vast amounts of cash from Nigeria, this has to be the best result: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/3887493.stm

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Sat Apr 19, 2008 7:23 pm

To most people who replied to this thread:

I got a rather positive response to the joke that I submitted to the Countdown crew. We'll see if Des gets as big of a kick out of the joke as I think he will.

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Sat May 03, 2008 2:53 pm

I submitted another joke to Des earlier today.

Watch for Des to read an e-mail that involves a horse and a chicken very soon!

Ralph Gillions · Post by **Ralph Gillions** » Sat May 03, 2008 3:59 pm

I wish you luck with your suggestion for the start of the show.
I have no idea how many they receive in the Countdown office.
But good luck with it Jason.

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Sat May 03, 2008 6:21 pm

Thank you, Ralph!

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Mon May 05, 2008 4:13 pm

Bad news, everyone!

I sent my joke in to the Countdown crew and I got a failure delivery.

Does anyone know what is wrong with Channel 4's account and how it can be fixed?

Ralph Gillions · Post by **Ralph Gillions** » Mon May 05, 2008 4:36 pm

Jason Larsen wrote:Bad news, everyone!

I sent my joke in to the Countdown crew and I got a failure delivery.

Does anyone know what is wrong with Channel 4's account and how it can be fixed?

Sometimes when I have had failed Email deliveries I have tried again and they have been delivered at a 2nd or 3rd attempt.
You have contacted them before haven't you Jason? So I assume you have the correct address.

Ben Pugh · Post by **Ben Pugh** » Mon May 05, 2008 5:04 pm

Ralph wrote:You have contacted them before haven't you Jason? So I assume you have the correct address.

Could you stop pretending to be two different people?

Ralph Gillions · Post by **Ralph Gillions** » Mon May 05, 2008 5:57 pm

Ben Pugh wrote:
Ralph wrote:You have contacted them before haven't you Jason? So I assume you have the correct address.
Could you stop pretending to be two different people?

What on earth do you mean?
I don't pretend to be anything other than myself!
I find that a strange and not very courteous accusation.
I can only hope it was a jest and perhaps I have missed the point.
Regards
Ralph

Ben Wilson · Post by **Ben Wilson** » Mon May 05, 2008 7:45 pm

Bornald, is that you?

Gavin Chipper · Post by **Gavin Chipper** » Mon May 05, 2008 7:48 pm

Ben Wilson wrote:Bornald, is that you?

You once accused Bornald of being me!

Gavin Chipper · Post by **Gavin Chipper** » Mon May 05, 2008 7:49 pm

Jason Larsen wrote:Bad news, everyone!

I sent my joke in to the Countdown crew and I got a failure delivery.

Does anyone know what is wrong with Channel 4's account and how it can be fixed?

I wouldn't worry about it. I've put your name down in the other thread, so you can deliver your offerings in person. (There's no chance Damian would refuse.)

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Mon May 05, 2008 9:00 pm

Yes, Ralph, you are right.

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Fri Mar 06, 2009 7:26 pm

I am bumping this thread because this seems to be a ritual that has stopped!

The only person I have seen on the Countdown crew here lately is Damian, so perhaps he can tell us why Jeff hasn't read an e-mail from a viewer yet.

D Eadie · Post by **D Eadie** » Fri Mar 06, 2009 11:02 pm

Because we write the material, not the viewer.

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Fri Mar 06, 2009 11:44 pm

Damian, I asked because when I looked over the e-mail I eventually sent to Des and Carol which Des O'Connor eventually read on the air, I had just realized I forgot to plug UK Nova. Kate suggested this, and I ended up sending an e-mail to Jeff and Rachel congratulating them on getting the job as the new Countdown team for Series 60. Jeff did not read that e-mail, and I was puzzled!

Initially, I thought he didn't read the e-mail because I had written it a little prematurely. That was because he started hosting at the beginning of the Champion of Champions tournament and not Series 60.

Don't get me wrong, I still like Countdown but also, I was wondering, where is the togetherness that you as a whole team would have at the end of every series? (This is marked and defined by Richard, Des Lynam and Des O'Connor coming by the series' eventual winner's side at the closing of the show and having a celebration.) When I saw the conclusion of the Champion of Champions tournament, they just congratulated Steven Briers for winning it and rushed the end of the show (This is my only complaint about Jeff Stelling's hosting style.)

Will someone please answer these questions?

David Roe · Post by **David Roe** » Sat Mar 07, 2009 12:04 am

Jason Larsen wrote:Damian, I asked because when I looked over the e-mail I eventually sent to Des and Carol which Des O'Connor eventually read on the air, I had just realized I forgot to plug UK Nova. Kate suggested this, and I ended up sending an e-mail to Jeff and Rachel congratulating them on getting the job as the new Countdown team for Series 60. Jeff did not read that e-mail, and I was puzzled!

Initially, I thought he didn't read the e-mail because I had written it a little prematurely. That was because he started hosting at the beginning of the Champion of Champions tournament and not Series 60.

Don't get me wrong, I still like Countdown but also, I was wondering, where is the togetherness that you as a whole team would have at the end of every series? (This is marked and defined by Richard, Des Lynam and Des O'Connor coming by the series' eventual winner's side at the closing of the show and having a celebration.) When I saw the conclusion of the Champion of Champions tournament, they just congratulated Steven Briers for winning it and rushed the end of the show (This is my only complaint about Jeff Stelling's hosting style.)

Will someone please answer these questions?

1. Jeff Stelling doesn't read emails at the start of the show. He's done a lot of shows by now, so you can watch the openings and see if he reads out any emails. He doesn't. This is because he's Jeff Stelling, not Des O'Connor, and maybe he likes to do it his way.

2. The Champion of Champions tournament wasn't the end of a series. So it isn't fair to compare it with Des O'Connor's last show, because that was the end of a series.

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Sat Mar 07, 2009 12:35 am

Thank you, David.