Which Is Your Favourite Joke?

[Mark James]

https://x.com/ultimatesugg/status/1835027534313902210

Excellent joke

[Marc Meakin]

Probably non PC but fuck it.
The Invisible Man has come out as TRANSparent.
His pronouns are Who/Where.

As a fully paid up member of the fat community I'm exercising my right to tell the next one.
A fat woman was getting lairy in the pub calling out people for calling her Luv and dear she said actually I'm non binary and find these terms offensive.
So I said what are your pronouns Wibble/Wobble ?

[Marc Meakin]

This month's favourite.
Someone upset the barman at my local pub.
He said he looked like a jug.
His face was a pitcher

[Gevin Chapwell]

Slow month then.

[Marc Meakin]

Slow month then.

Decent jokes are as rare as hens teeth nowadays.
Most of my humour these days are out of the mouth are Donald Trump

[Marc Meakin]

My favourite jokes are more clever than funny
Hyphen
Non-hyphen
That's, ironic.
If something is made of metal it's metalic
But something made of iron doesn't follow the same rules
That's Ironic

[Marc Meakin]

Will be populating this as the weeks get closer to my gigs
So muting my posts might be warranted

[Marc Meakin]

Opinions sought here with regards my stand up routine
Quite a lot of my material involves me talking about when I was grossly overweight.
Given I have lost over 5 stones I'm worried that although I am using self deprecating humour it might come across a offensive to fat people in the audience
Opinions for a recovering chocoholic who was addicted to chocohol (not a joke for the routine BTW) needed plesse

[Gevin Chapwell]

I think it can be fine as long as any overweight people in the audience aren't likely to perceive themselves as the butt of the joke.

[Marc Meakin]

I think it can be fine as long as any overweight people in the audience aren't likely to perceive themselves as the butt of the joke.

Surely that would depend on the size of the butt

[Marc Meakin]

Given that it's highly unlikely that anybody here would pay £25 quid to watch me perform stand-up/die on my arse. I want to share a original* (haven't stolen though maybe someone has used it) joke I intend to use.

..... Over the last year I have lost nearly 6 stone, so imagine, that's the equivalent of walking around with Warwick Davies on your back, now that was untenable!

[Marc Meakin]

This joke is very niche as you probably need to be over 50 to get it.
The real name for Swansea is Arthur Swanserelli.

So probably not for my gig.

Equally if Fonzie was so cool why did he hang out with such wankers

[Gevin Chapwell]

I'm not over 50. How dare you.

[Marc Meakin]

I'm not over 50. How dare you.

There must have been reruns, I thought it was on in the 70s

[Marc Meakin]

Random things keeping me awake.
I'm wondering if the guy who clears up the poo in my garden will work out we don't have any pets

[Robert Ring]

I've wanted to move to one of the US states for a few years now.

I've been practising by calling my mum "Mom". and declaring bankruptcy every time I stub my toe.

[Robert Ring]

What did Evil Knievel say at his friends' house?






"Mind if I crash here?"

[Paul Worsley]

My wife realised I had been cheating when she found the letters I'd been hiding. Now she refuses to play Scrabble with me ever again.

[Robert Ring]

I hope this bad economy gets better soon

Someone asked me "how much is it for a single Coor?"

[Robert Ring]

What's the most awkward social moment ever?



When Seth MacFarlane comes out as a black gay Jewish woman

[Marc Meakin]

I went to a festival last week I was gonna have a rhino burger but they charge too much

[Marc Meakin]

Im a serial procrastinator Im 63 and still live at home with my parents.....I must get around to burying them

[Robert Ring]

As South Park season 380-whatever gears up for this year, it's a reminder of the phrase "all good things come to an end"

[Gevin Chapwell]

A barber, a bald man and an absent-minded professor take a journey together. They have to camp overnight, and so decide to take turns watching the luggage. When it's the barber's turn, he gets bored, so amuses himself by shaving the head of the professor. When the professor is woken up for his shift, he feels his head, and says "How stupid is that barber? He's woken up the bald man instead of me."

[Robert Ring]

Why did the media spend 3 years getting so excited about AI and saying "the future is here"?

Before that we already had the debut of invisibility cloaks, when Brits protested against Qatar having the World Cup

[Marc Meakin]

A barber, a bald man and an absent-minded professor take a journey together. They have to camp overnight, and so decide to take turns watching the luggage. When it's the barber's turn, he gets bored, so amuses himself by shaving the head of the professor. When the professor is woken up for his shift, he feels his head, and says "How stupid is that barber? He's woken up the bald man instead of me."

I like that

[Marc Meakin]

Why did the media spend 3 years getting so excited about AI and saying "the future is here"?

Before that we already had the debut of invisibility cloaks, when Brits protested against Qatar having the World Cup

Did Chatgpt write this joke?

[Marc Meakin]

Im hoping the Edinburgh audience is familiar with the Film I Swear.
I like wearing t shirts based on films I like.
Has anyone seen I Swear ?
Great film I bought a T Shirt based on that film.
"Spunk for millk".
Got sacked for wearing it
Dont work for Starbucks I say

[Gevin Chapwell]

A barber, a bald man and an absent-minded professor take a journey together. They have to camp overnight, and so decide to take turns watching the luggage. When it's the barber's turn, he gets bored, so amuses himself by shaving the head of the professor. When the professor is woken up for his shift, he feels his head, and says "How stupid is that barber? He's woken up the bald man instead of me."

I like that

It's an ancient joke.

[Robert Ring]

Why did the media spend 3 years getting so excited about AI and saying "the future is here"?

Before that we already had the debut of invisibility cloaks, when Brits protested against Qatar having the World Cup

Did Chatgpt write this joke?

No. Why don't you make your own independent joke about "crybabies who don't like slavery"......... you know to avoid us being moderated for going off topic

I'm sure it'll be a hit

[Marc Meakin]

A barber, a bald man and an absent-minded professor take a journey together. They have to camp overnight, and so decide to take turns watching the luggage. When it's the barber's turn, he gets bored, so amuses himself by shaving the head of the professor. When the professor is woken up for his shift, he feels his head, and says "How stupid is that barber? He's woken up the bald man instead of me."

I like that

It's an ancient joke.

Indeed it is but recycling old dad jokes ( actually the term dad jokes grind my gears they're just jokes) is a thing.
I was scared to say a throwaway line about being accused of being gay in my teens and was gonna say im not gay but I kissed a bloke who was instead I said I couldnt pull a mussel in a seafood disco and got a huge laugh for a joke probably older than the 30 something audience

[Marc Meakin]

Why did the media spend 3 years getting so excited about AI and saying "the future is here"?

Before that we already had the debut of invisibility cloaks, when Brits protested against Qatar having the World Cup

Did Chatgpt write this joke?

No. Why don't you make your own independent joke about "crybabies who don't like slavery"......... you know to avoid us being moderated for going off topic

I'm sure it'll be a hit

There is an irony about British people protesting about slavery considering 'our' history

[Marc Meakin]

Instead will do a joke about why are so many people getting treated in A&E having foreign objects removed from their rectum.
Whats wrong with British objects. Was Brexit for nothing?

[Robert Ring]

Did Chatgpt write this joke?

No. Why don't you make your own independent joke about "crybabies who don't like slavery"......... you know to avoid us being moderated for going off topic

I'm sure it'll be a hit

There is an irony about British people protesting about slavery considering 'our' history

So they have the death penalty for irony in your neck of the woods?