Virtual Mars bars

[Phil Reynolds]

Having been absent from the world of online forums for a while before I joined C4C late last year, I've been surprised and amused to find that a (usually non-existent) Mars bar is still the de rigueur prize on offer for any casually thrown-out challenge. Surprised because I thought it would have died out by now; amused because I believe, unless and until anyone comes up with convincing evidence to the contrary, that I originated the habit.

In around 1990 I was employed by a large telecommunications company which had what would now be known as an intranet, complete with online forums. One particular forum to which I was a regular contributor became something of a cult, and after it had been going for a while its members - many of whom only knew each other via their online personas - decided it was time we all met up for a lunchtime beer or three to find out what we all looked like (this was before the days of avatars - it was a purely textual system).

A date was set and, to encourage attendance, I set a competition for which the prizes would be given out at the gathering. The prizes were all Fun Size Mars Bars, which was a personal in-joke. (Ben Elton had recently performed a routine on one of his TV shows about the social embarrassment experienced by British men finding themselves on a naturist beach when on holiday, in which he used the term "Fun Size Mars Bar" to refer to the masculine sexual appendage; and it appealed to my puerile sense of humour to innocently announce that I would be giving these away as prizes and wait to see if anyone picked up on the allusion.)

After that it became commonplace on the forum for anyone posing a question to add, "FSMB to anyone who can provide the answer," even though the offer was generally more honoured in the breach than in the observance. Often the abbreviation was extended to VFSMB (for virtual FSMB) to acknowledge this. Sometimes, if a problem was thought to be particularly intractable, the reward would be a KSMB or King Size Mars bar.

Many of the regulars on that forum were also influential in a number of public forums and newsgroups, particularly in the area of UNIX standards, ANSI C/C++, OOP and other geek-heavy zones. By around 1994 (which was the last time I attended a major international UNIX Users Group conference), the virtual Mars had gained considerably wider currency.

So there you go. It may all just be coincidence, but unless anyone knows of an alternative provenance, I do believe that posts such as this one would not be the same without me. It's not much of a claim to fame, but it's all I've got.

[Charlie Reams]

Is there an online archive of this message board? Can we see the birth of an era?

Also I personally got the idea of giving away a Mars bar from my house master at junior school, which was certainly after 1990 but it seems unlikely that a man of that age at that time was aware of an Internet meme.

[Michael Wallace]

I'm afraid I'm not especially convinced - I think it's just a small, cheap, universally-known and (fairly) universally liked thing. Several teachers at my school awarded Mars bars for various achievements, for instance.

[Phil Reynolds]

Is there an online archive of this message board? Can we see the birth of an era?

Alas no. I think it all got wiped by our IT department when someone discovered how much fun we'd all been having and things got ugly. (Seriously - disciplinary action and even one or two sackings ensued.)

Also I personally got the idea of giving away a Mars bar from my house master at junior school, which was certainly after 1990 but it seems unlikely that a man of that age at that time was aware of an Internet meme.

The damp hissing noise you hear is the sound of your piss landing on my bonfire.

[Michael Wallace]

The damp hissing noise you hear is the sound of your piss landing on my bonfire.

Perverts, the lot of you.

[Gary Male]

50p and a packet of Rolos, that's my prize of choice.

[Phil Reynolds]

50p and a packet of Rolos, that's my prize of choice.

Is that what the priest used to give you?

[Chris Corby]

I think you are overlooking the fact that Mick Jagger was allegedly given the prize of a Mars Bar by Marianne Faithfull at a party in the 1960's..................

[Phil Reynolds]

All of you are talking about real Mars bars. My contention is that I invented the virtual Mars bar. So up yours. (As Marianne said to Mick.)

[Julie T]

I believe you, Phil!

Apropos of nothing very much: my eldest calls them comically undersized bars.

[Phil Reynolds]

Any other claims to fame of doubtful provenance and even more dubious merit? Actually, I have another one: my middle names are the forename and surname respectively of an ancestor of mine - a famous 17th century Welsh metaphysical poet.

[Dinos Sfyris]

Nothing famous but at school I invented a long thin character called Lanky Larry for a piece of homework about eating healthily. About a year later at the school tuck shop I discovered a confectionery of the same name with a picture of a very striking resemblance to my creation, furthering sales of sugary snacks that he was initially meant to discourage

[Phil Reynolds]

Nothing famous but at school I invented a long thin character called Lanky Larry for a piece of homework about eating healthily. About a year later at the school tuck shop I discovered a confectionery of the same name with a picture of a very striking resemblance to my creation, furthering sales of sugary snacks that he was initially meant to discourage

Wow. That can't have been a coincidence, surely?

And here it is:



Looks like a nightmare cross between Charlie and Sideshow Bob.

[Martin Gardner]

Any other claims to fame of doubtful provenance and even more dubious merit? Actually, I have another one: my middle names are the forename and surname respectively of an ancestor of mine - a famous 17th century Welsh metaphysical poet.

I can't imagine there are many 17th Century Welsh metaphysical poets who are really *that* famous.

[Phil Reynolds]

my middle names are the forename and surname respectively of an ancestor of mine - a famous 17th century Welsh metaphysical poet.

I can't imagine there are many 17th Century Welsh metaphysical poets who are really *that* famous.

You're probably right. Hold on, I'll just count them. Er, 1, ...

[Matt Morrison]

my middle names are the forename and surname respectively of an ancestor of mine - a famous 17th century Welsh metaphysical poet.

I can't imagine there are many 17th Century Welsh metaphysical poets who are really *that* famous.

You're probably right. Hold on, I'll just count them. Er, 1, ...

Surely that's an even better claim. Your ancestor is the ONLY famous 17th century Welsh metaphysical poet EVER.

[Phil Reynolds]

Surely that's an even better claim. Your ancestor is the ONLY famous 17th century Welsh metaphysical poet EVER.

Actually, according to Wikipedia, the term "metaphysical poet" refers to a specific small group of British lyric poets of the early 17th century (rather shamefully, I didn't know this), so the qualification "17th century" in my claim is redundant.

[Kai Laddiman]

the qualification "17th century" in my claim is redundant

As you are for suggesting such a preposterous idea as a VFSMB. What's wrong with NFSMB?

[Phil Reynolds]

NFSMB

[Neil Zussman]

NFSMB

I guess Kai would prefer a Non-virtual FSMB. I don't blame him. Though personally I prefer Aeroes.

[Kai Laddiman]

Normal Fun-Size Mars Bar.