It's December. It's cold, dark and miserable. The shops are full of angry, desperate shoppers and annoying bellends are filling Aptochat with the lyrics to 'Do They Know It's Christmas' (
). You think it can't get any worse.Then you find out that C4C's resident CRAZY BATSHIT FEMINIST!!! has been let loose on the Tuesday recaps for the foreseeable future and that she has plans for the sort of recaps that Sophie Krol might have planned had she known about Sparklee.com and Tumblr.
So now you've been warned, prepare for...
C1: Champion Jacky Pinkney (1 win, 74 points.) A retired rescue cattery manager, originally from the Kent (big up the Kent massive
), now living on the Isle of Wight.C2: Challenger Andy Noden. A retail adviser from St Helens who collects advertising memorabilia and vintage toys.
DC: Susie Dent and Alistair McGowan.
RR: Rachel Riley.
OT: Other words or solutions.
R01: S G V A O E K N A
R02: O E A E T W D S C
R03: 75, 25, 2, 2, 7, 5. Target: 162.
TTT: SWEATFLU - ""The bin needs emptying, how extravagant.""
R04: G A L E M I N E R
R05: N R X U O I F L E
R06: 75, 7, 9, 8, 6, 1. Target: 538.
R07: W T A C S E I M N
R08: T E O E F T E D T
R09: 50, 10, 4, 3, 1, 9. Target: 611.
TTT: YOURBITS - ""Your bits might be cut open with this by a surgeon""
R10: R A E G Q O B A Z
R11: M U H O R A S D O
R12: E U E C T P S I T
R13: N R L O I Y R U J
R14: 50, 9, 2, 10, 9, 8. Target: 670.
R15: R I N G E R N U T (conundrum)
And now a brief interlude before our main feature:
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Enjoy the show.
Round 1: S G V A O E K N A
Jacky: SOAKAGE (7)
Andy: SOAKAGE (7)
DC: SAVAGE (6) KNAVES (6)
Score: 7–7 (max 7)
It's a darren!
And both contestants spot it. Good job.
Round 2: O E A E T W D S C
Jacky: COASTED (7)
Andy: COASTED (7)
DC: SWEATED (7)
OT: CESTODE (7) COATEES (7)
Score: 14–14 (max 14)
Oxford Dictionaries helpfully informs me that a coatee is "a woman’s or infant’s short coat", while a cestode is a type of tapeworm.
Round 3: 75, 25, 2, 2, 7, 5. Target: 162.
Jacky: -
Andy: 162. 75*2 + 7 + 5 (10)
Score: 14–24 (max 24)
Andy takes the lead.
Teatime teaser: SWEATFLU -> WASTEFUL
Round 4: G A L E M I N E R
Jacky: LEERING (7)
Andy: GREENMAIL (18)
Score: 14–42 (max 42)
Darren #2!
And he's onto triple her score with the outstanding spot of GREENMAIL, which - in a disappointing turn for fans of Apterous logic ("If in doubt, it's a plant") - is not a plant, but instead "The practice of buying enough shares in a company to threaten a takeover, forcing the owners to buy them back at a higher price in order to retain control". (Thanks ODO.)
Round 5: N R X U O I F L E
Jacky: FLUORINE (8)
Andy: FLUORINE (8)
Score: 22–50 (max 50)
Darren #3! (Sorry recap readers, this is getting a bit silly now.)
Fluorine is the 9th element in the periodic table and apparently the most reactive of all the elements.
Round 6: 75, 7, 9, 8, 6, 1. Target: 538.
Jacky: 538. 7*75 + 8 + 6 - 1 (10)
Andy: 538. (75 + 1)*7 + 6 (10)
Score: 32–60 (max 60)
Round 7: W T A C S E I M N
Jacky: SEMANTIC (8)
Andy: MASTIC (6)
OT: NEMATICS (8)
Score: 40–60 (max 68)
Comeback on?
Round 8: T E O E F T E D T
Jacky: TOTTED (6)
Andy: TOTTED (6)
Score: 46–66 (max 74)
#4!
Round 9: 50, 10, 4, 3, 1, 9. Target: 611.
Jacky: 611. 3*4*50 + 10 + 1 (10)
Andy: 610.
Score: 56–66 (max 84)
Comeback on! Jacky's within 10 and can, as it stands, take Andy to a tiebreak conundrum. If she can hold on.
Teatime teaser: YOURBITS -> BISTOURY
Round 10: R A E G Q O B A Z
Jacky: BORAGE (6)
Andy: AGORAE (6)
DC: BEZOAR (6)
OT: ABRAZO (6) GAZEBO (6) ZAREBA (6)
Score: 62–72 (max 90)
The contestants steer clear of the Z, but there are 4 lovely alternatives using it. ABRAZO is an American word for an embrace, while a ZAREBA is a thorn fence used to fortify towns and villages in north east Africa.
Round 11: M U H O R A S D O
Jacky: SHROUD (6)
Andy: AMOROUS (7)
OT: RODHAMS (7)
Score: 62–79 (max 97)
Andy takes the game out of tiebreak territory with his passionate spot (oo-err). A RODHAM is nothing to do with Hillary - it's a raised bank left by silt deposits in the Fens.
Round 12: E U E C T P S I T
Jacky: PUTTIES (7)
Andy: PUTTIES (7)
OT: CUTTIES (7) PUTTEES (7)
Score: 69–86 (max 104)
Alistair wonders if SPITEE^/SPITTEE^ are valid. They are not. Moving on.
Round 13: N R L O I Y R U J
Jacky: LORRY (5)
Andy: INJURY (6)
DC: JUNIOR (6)
Score: 69–92 (max 110)
Game, set and match to Andy.
Round 14: 50, 9, 2, 10, 9, 8. Target: 670.
Jacky: 668.
Andy: 670. (50 + 9 + 8)*10 (10)
Score: 69–102 (max 120)
Round 15: R I N G E R N U T
Andy buzzes on 2 seconds to say RETURNING which is correct.
Final Score: 69–112 (max 130)
Andy seals an impressive 13 max debut with a quick -ING solve and makes schoolchildren/immature grown-ups everywhere giggle by preserving Jacky's score of 69. It's the last prelim of the year, so we won't see him back until January as there's the small matter of the series finals to clear up first, starting with Dan McColm v Paul Worsley tomorrow.
I'll be back with more pictures from my Darren Bent collection in next Tuesday's fourth quarter final recap of Mark Davies v George "Pryn" Ford. Until then,
Further summaries are at:
http://cdb.apterous.org/series.php?series=71
Not to mention a Wight supremacist.
