c4countdown

I got a text this morning from an NHS clinic informing me that I had been in contact with chlamydia, and that I should get checked out, and how and where to do this etc. Thinking it was probably a gag text, I contacted the number given and got through to a national NHS helpline, where the lady couldn't really tell me much, other than that she had just dealt with an identical phone call (purporting to be from the same individual clinic) from somebody else in a similar position to me (i.e. in a long-term relationship) who was utterly baffled to receive such a text. So I then contacted the specific clinic, and they confirmed that they had sent the text, because somebody who tested positive had given them my number. Predictably they couldn't actually tell me who had given them my number, because of patient confidentiality and all that.

In a somewhat delightful coincidence, today happened to be the one day in a hundred where I accidentally left my phone at home, so my missus saw the message first instead. Joy.

Still, anyone else on here get one? Was somebody else on here that other caller, who happens to share the same vindictive disease-ridden enemy as me?

Amazing. Amazingly crazy. I reckon it was Beevers. Trick text.

Matt Morrison wrote:Amazing. Amazingly crazy. I reckon it was Beevers. Trick text.

Nope, I phoned and they actually confirmed that they sent the text because some disease-ridden cunt has given them my number.

Jon Corby wrote:

Matt Morrison wrote:Amazing. Amazingly crazy. I reckon it was Beevers. Trick text.

Nope, I phoned and they actually confirmed that they sent the text because some disease-ridden cunt has given them my number.

I bet you ummed and aahed about whether or not to use "Nope, ".

Maybe this explains it? The landlord told you not to share lovers with Shane.

This sounds like a guilty conscience.

Jon O'Neill wrote:This sounds like a guilty conscience.

How do you mean? I'm a good boy.

Haha, could have been a practical joke done by the missus

David Barnard wrote:Haha, could have been a practical joke done by the missus

To have got tested positive for chlamydia, and then had the clinic contact me? There's some effort gone into that.

My (disease-free) other half suggests that maybe one your friends saw the opportunity for a prank following a positive test? Seems like a funny idea. And I don't want to cast any aspersions but we all know one friend of yours who's game for a practical joke...

Edit: Just realised the link was to an old Sanctum post, but I'll repost it here if Mr Corby permits.

Charlie Reams wrote:My (disease-free) other half suggests that maybe one your friends saw the opportunity for a prank following a positive test? Seems like a funny idea. And I don't want to cast any aspersions but we all know one friend of yours who's game for a practical joke...

Is that a confession?

But yeah, I can certainly see the practical joke aspect. The fact that I left my phone at home today and asked my missus to check my messages for me would be an unintended consequence, but probably makes the joke even funnier! Just perhaps not to me right at the moment Which probably makes the joke even funnier. And so on.

Jon Corby wrote:

Charlie Reams wrote:My (disease-free) other half suggests that maybe one your friends saw the opportunity for a prank following a positive test? Seems like a funny idea. And I don't want to cast any aspersions but we all know one friend of yours who's game for a practical joke...

Is that a confession?

I actually did get tested recently but it was negative. And I don't have Aids either. It was quite a day.

Charlie Reams wrote:

Jon Corby wrote:

Charlie Reams wrote:My (disease-free) other half suggests that maybe one your friends saw the opportunity for a prank following a positive test? Seems like a funny idea. And I don't want to cast any aspersions but we all know one friend of yours who's game for a practical joke...

Is that a confession?

I actually did get tested recently but it was negative. And I don't have Aids either. It was quite a day.

Did you ask them to send some texts anyway, just for lols?

Charlie Reams wrote:Edit: Just realised the link was to an old Sanctum post, but I'll repost it here if Mr Corby permits.

Which is it? If it's me being a cunt, then no thanks

(btw the link didn't even work for me - it made me log in again and then took me to the index - which I took to be you playing a joke on me by giving me a link which makes me log in and then do nothing - hence me asking if it was a confession!)

Oh wait, it works now. Fuck knows what's going on. Haha though, no I don't think it's them, and no I don't think you should reproduce the post!

How do you know it wasn't your missus? /troll

Lesley Hines wrote:How do you know it wasn't your missus? /troll

It's a bit unkind calling her that!

How do you know the number you rang was a bona fide clinic?

Phil Reynolds wrote:How do you know the number you rang was a bona fide clinic?

Cos I got it off the net (Blanche Heriot) - the SMS was just from "Blanche H" (no number or anything). They confirmed sending the message, but couldn't tell me who had given them my number, but it must have been somebody who tested positive. The lady I spoke to did also say "usually we ring to speak in person rather than sending a text" but actually failed to give me any reason why they hadn't done this in my case.

The original number in the SMS was the national NHS helpline (0800 567123). What's really weird is that when I called this, she'd just taken an identical from a similarly confused married man, quoting the same clinic (which she hadn't personally heard of) and even said to me "this sounds like a hoax". So it isn't actually that weird given that the clinic confirmed that they did/do this, but what's weird is that she found it weird, IYSWIM - I would've assumed it happened all the time.

I always think that practical jokes are nasty. I've never understood the mentality of people who derive pleasure from hurting others.
This sounds particularly bad, especially as your wife saw the text first.
Yet more proof that the world is full of arseholes (with or without chlamydia).

Julie T wrote:I always think that practical jokes are nasty. I've never understood the mentality of people who derive pleasure from hurting others.
This sounds particularly bad, especially as your wife saw the text first.
Yet more proof that the world is full of arseholes (with or without chlamydia).

I'm actually more inclined to think it's just a genuine mistake, and luckily my missus has been fine about it, so no harm done. Or at least she seems to be - it's my birthday in about 5 weeks' time so we'll see how I get on when I try and have sex with her then.

Jon Corby wrote: I'm actually more inclined to think it's just a genuine mistake, and luckily my missus has been fine about it, so no harm done. Or at least she seems to be - it's my birthday in about 5 weeks' time so we'll see how I get on when I try and have sex with her then.

Ha you only have sex on your birthday?

Kirk Bevins wrote:

Jon Corby wrote: I'm actually more inclined to think it's just a genuine mistake, and luckily my missus has been fine about it, so no harm done. Or at least she seems to be - it's my birthday in about 5 weeks' time so we'll see how I get on when I try and have sex with her then.

Ha you only have sex on your birthday?

He's got you there.

Kirk Bevins wrote:

Jon Corby wrote: I'm actually more inclined to think it's just a genuine mistake, and luckily my missus has been fine about it, so no harm done. Or at least she seems to be - it's my birthday in about 5 weeks' time so we'll see how I get on when I try and have sex with her then.

Ha you only have sex on your birthday?

Haha no, that would be a bit pathetic wouldn't it?!

We also do it on November 24th, to celebrate the start of the ancient Roman festival of Brumalia.

Kirk Bevins wrote:

Jon Corby wrote:I'm actually more inclined to think it's just a genuine mistake, and luckily my missus has been fine about it, so no harm done. Or at least she seems to be - it's my birthday in about 5 weeks' time so we'll see how I get on when I try and have sex with her then.

Ha you only have sex on your birthday?

No, Jon has sex five to ten times a week. The difference on his birthday is that someone else is there at the same time.

You might have even gotten a little lucky, being able to say "oh, bureaucracy" instead of having to directly deal with an actual female claiming to have your number and leaving messages.

And I guess it's nice of your local Lothario to spread the phony numbers around (and also he doesn't have to remember anything!).

Andrew Feist wrote:You might have even gotten a little lucky, being able to say "oh, bureaucracy" instead of having to directly deal with an actual female claiming to have your number and leaving messages.

Nah, I think that would have been preferable, as a mistake could be quickly cleared up, and in the case of a practical joke/vindictive asshole it would give me a lead to get to the bottom of it, and I'd likely be well alibied anyway if pressed for the details of when and where I supposedly did it (IN HER FANNY LOL). Actually I guess there's no reason whatsoever why, in the "mistake" scenario, it would even necessarily be a female - I wonder if the clinic might have at least imparted that information if pressed?

Jon Corby wrote:

Andrew Feist wrote:You might have even gotten a little lucky

the details of when and where I supposedly did it (IN HER FANNY LOL)

Someone's forgetting Andrew is American. Or not forgetting, in which case perhaps you were lucky to escape with just chlamydia.

FFS! I just got the message again. Despite the woman at the clinic apologising for the initial text and assuring me that she had "made a note of it".

Are you sure you don't go sleepwalking?

What is chlamydia? I have lived a long, clean living life. Have I missed anything?

George F. Jenkins wrote:What is chlamydia?

Welcome back, Sophie.

Jon Corby wrote:FFS! I just got the message again. Despite the woman at the clinic apologising for the initial text and assuring me that she had "made a note of it".

That swelling in your pants might not actually be desirable.