c4countdown

Taken from the Daily Star last week. Draw your own conclusions...........



SOLO SEX SHOCKER

JANE O' GORMAN

192 words

12 June 2008

Daily Star

English

(c) copyright Express Newspapers 2008

JUST JANE

I HEARD my girlfriend tell her mate that she often sits and masturbates during the afternoon.

It's one of her greatest pleasures! Apparently she likes nothing better than Countdown and a large vibrator, followed by a bar of fruit and nut chocolate.

I'm shocked. I had no idea she was such a dirty cow. We have a great sex life. Why would she need to do this?

As she only works in the morning, she clearly has too much time on her hands. How can I get her to stop this and wait for me?

JANE SAYS: It's entirely up to your girlfriend what she does with her afternoons. Who are you? The new Mary Whitehouse?

If she works all morning, then her afternoons are her own. Is it that you're jealous that she finds Des O'Connor and Carol Vorderman so attractive? Or can't you bear the idea of her sitting around while you're out grafting?

Are you telling me that you've never masturbated? Get real – at least she's honest about her guilty pleasures.

Hahahahahahahaha!

I demand a photo casebook covering this story in more prurient detail. I wasn't clear on some of the points and need to see them illustrated by a model pretending to be a buxom housewife.

Is that not normal then

This is probably the best press Countdown has ever had. I eagerly await the flood of new users.

I'd like to think my appearance on the show had something to with this even if it is a delusionary notion.

Charlie Reams wrote:This is probably the best press Countdown has ever had. I eagerly await the flood of new users.

You make Countdown sound like a drug rather than a television programme.

Susan Reams wrote:I meant this forum, not the programme.

Yes, I know you did.

It's so much easier to argue with someone when you get to choose what they say too, isn't it?

Susan Reams lol!

Charlie Reams wrote:It's so much easier to argue with someone when you get to choose what they say too, isn't it?

I have found that actually.

Gevin-Gavin wrote:My breath smells bad.

You should probably eat more mints.