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I love oxymorons. Even the word is one of the best-sounding words in the English language.

But what are some of your favourite oxymorons?

Here are some of mine:

Military intelligence
Professional footballer
Dinner lady
Virgin air hostess

Microsoft Works

Here are a few of my favourites-
"Pretty Ugly"
"A little big"
"A genuine fake"
"A healthy fry-up"
" A good baddie"

First post pointing out these aren't really oxymorons in 5... 4...

Quote from 'definitions of an oxymoron' by Richard Nordquist. "A figure of speech in which incongruous or contradictory terms appear side by side; "

MMm- maybe your examples aren't correct, Charlie?

Here are some more of his examples-
•the expressions "act naturally," "original copy," "found missing," "alone together," "peace force," "definite possibility," "terribly pleased," "real phony," "ill health," "turn up missing," "jumbo shrimp," "alone together," "loose tights," "small crowd," and "clearly misunderstood

Another quote from an internet page-

Oxymoron Definition
The definition of oxymoron is:- A rhetorical figure of speech in which incongruous or contradictory terms are paired, for example, alone together, current history or boneless ribs.

I was actually just kidding, because most of these are still amusing even though they aren't oxymorons, but since you asked:-

"Pretty Ugly" is not an oxymoron because "pretty" in this sense means "somewhat" and has only a superficial relation to the other sense of "pretty" ("beautifully ugly" would be an oxymoron).
"A little big" likewise.

"A genuine fake" is a little odd but makes perfect sense. Imagine if da Vinci had painted fakes to make some cash in his younger years; a genuine da Vinci fake would be worth a lot of money.

"A healthy fry-up". There's nothing inherently contradictory about those two; healthy is relative anyway, and if you were frying something healthy then it could be a healthy fry-up. It's a similar joke to Microsoft Works, I suppose.

"A good baddie" is, I think, a legitimate oxymoron.

Thanks, Charlie, what are your examples called then, if they are not oxymorons?

AnnieHall wrote:Thanks, Charlie, what are your examples called then, if they are not oxymorons?

I dunno. Jokes?

Derek Hazell wrote:I love oxymorons. Even the word is one of the best-sounding words in the English language.

But what are some of your favourite oxymorons?

Here are some of mine:

Military intelligence
Professional footballer
Dinner lady
Virgin air hostess

Funny man Bobby Davro

I am very disappointed. For a forum full of word lovers, together with doyens of repartee, I thought we would get loads of really wonderful examples, both serious and funny.

Thank you those who did bother, with a particular mention to Annie for all her submissions.

I suppose I will just post a few old ones I just found in the middle of an old spoiler thread:

From Dinos: Bittersweet, Living Dead

From Benji Hanks: Loving Hate (as in Shakespeare)

and from Howard: Awfully Pretty/Pretty Awful

Derek Hazell wrote:I am very disappointed. For a forum full of word lovers, together with doyens of repartee, I thought we would get loads of really wonderful examples, both serious and funny.

You've hardly given people much chance Dez - the topic's only been here a couple of days.

There's a line in the stage version of The Full Monty where Jeanette, the ageing piano player, mentions that she's called her agent to see about getting back into the business, only to be told that he died ten years ago. "I said, a dead agent? That's definitely an oxymoron." I always thought that was rather clever (it certainly went right over the heads of everyone in the audience the last couple of weeks).

Phil Reynolds wrote:There's a line in the stage version of The Full Monty where Jeanette, the ageing piano player, mentions that she's called her agent to see about getting back into the business, only to be told that he died ten years ago. "I said, a dead agent? That's definitely an oxymoron." I always thought that was rather clever (it certainly went right over the heads of everyone in the audience the last couple of weeks).

That line never gets a laugh (on the evidence of my 40 or so times doing the show). One of my other favourites that goes over audiences' heads is from the Steven Fry rewrite of Me and My Girl: "Do you know my daughter, May?". "No, but thanks for the tip."

Brian Moore wrote:

Phil Reynolds wrote:"I said, a dead agent? That's definitely an oxymoron."

That line never gets a laugh (on the evidence of my 40 or so times doing the show).

Not really surprising, as it requires the audience not only to know what an oxymoron is, but to recognise a fairly obscure pun on the word "agent".

One of my other favourites that goes over audiences' heads is from the Steven Fry rewrite of Me and My Girl: "Do you know my daughter, May?". "No, but thanks for the tip."

Now, there our experiences differ. I've seen the show four or five times and that line almost invariably gets a huge laugh, the only exception being a rather third-rate amateur production where the audience were still laughing at the preceding line and the woman playing the dowager had neither the experience nor the common sense to "ride the laugh", so people only heard the punch line in the gag above and not the feed.

Derek Hazell wrote:I love oxymorons. Even the word is one of the best-sounding words in the English language.

But what are some of your favourite oxymorons?

Here are some of mine:

Military intelligence
Professional footballer
Dinner lady
Virgin air hostess

Forgive me for asking, but how is "professional footballer" an oxymoron, and why do you favour it over "professional foul", which is?

David Williams wrote:

Derek Hazell wrote:But what are some of your favourite oxymorons?

Here are some of mine:

Military intelligence
Professional footballer
Dinner lady
Virgin air hostess

Forgive me for asking, but how is "professional footballer" an oxymoron, and why do you favour it over "professional foul", which is?

I'm guessing that, like "military intelligence", it's not an oxymoron in the true linguistic sense of the word, but a joke based on a perception of footballers/soldiers as being unprofessional/stupid. But I'm completely stumped as to why "dinner lady" is in the list. Dez?

Phil Reynolds wrote:But I'm completely stumped as to why "dinner lady" is in the list. Dez?

Same joke, innit? These working class types can't be ladies, etc.

Charlie Reams wrote:

Phil Reynolds wrote:But I'm completely stumped as to why "dinner lady" is in the list. Dez?

Same joke, innit? These working class types can't be ladies, etc.

Oh, right. I genuinely didn't get it, probably because an oxymoron is supposed to comprise two opposing words and I couldn't see how "dinner" was the opposite of "lady".

There's a company here called "valuecabs" which I like to call an oxymoron on wheels.

It's not.

But that's what I like to do, so nyah.

M. George Quinn wrote:There's a company here called "valuecabs" which I like to call an oxymoron on wheels.

It's not.

But that's what I like to do, so nyah.

They blacklisted me

Dear Prudence?

Cilla Black's catchphrase "Enjoy Blind Date".


Although of course with her accent it could have been "Endure"

I used to work with a database package called "Progress". Trust me - it was the greatest one-word Oxymoron in the English Language.

Washable paint!

You live and learn...

Ripe Avocado

bad sex

It does seem that pears of all discription are only ever ripe for about 20 minutes

Marc Meakin wrote:It does seem that pears of all discription are only ever ripe for about 20 minutes

That said, there's a pair of twins in my town who've pretty much been ripe for the picking since about three years ago.

Matt Morrison wrote:

Marc Meakin wrote:It does seem that pears of all discription are only ever ripe for about 20 minutes

there's a pair of twins in my town .

Do a pair of twins equal 4?

Matt Morrison wrote:bad sex

Oh, that one definitely is not always an oxymoron, as the straight friend who was the unfortunate recipient of my ORALITES one drunken night about 15 years ago could undoubtedly testify.

Not really an oxymoron. but:

2 negatives make a positive but
2 positives can never make a negative.

Aye right!

A stupid teenager with bad acne.




Hmm, maybe we should have an "Amusing definitions for existing words" thread, as well as the "New words" one.

Marc Meakin wrote:It does seem that pears of all discription are only ever ripe for about 20 minutes

Yep, fruit bowl, eat me, eat me, eat me, collapse, mushy blaaagh, Eddie Izzard.

Matt Morrison wrote:bad sex

It was my 40th birthday, he was 20, rather cute and and up for it. I believe it was good for him........

Bananas are like that too.

With all this talk of Avocados, pears and Bananas, maybe someone should start a fruit corner (as a companion piece to Matts Computer corner)

Derek Hazell wrote:Bananas are like that too.

Nope - it wasn't a banana based problem - more a technique thing!

Marc Meakin wrote:With all this talk of Avocados, pears and Bananas, maybe someone should start a fruit corner (as a companion piece to Matts Computer corner)

Phil could moderate it.

What happened to Corby's post? (And it wasn't a page-long PM, you lying get.)

Phil Reynolds wrote:What happened to Corby's post?

I thought I was the only one to notice that

Did you get a chance to read it ?

Phil Reynolds wrote:What happened to Corby's post? (And it wasn't a page-long PM, you lying get.)

Uh-oh, I thought I got away with that.

Phil Reynolds wrote:

Matt Morrison wrote:bad sex

Oh, that one definitely is not always an oxymoron, as the straight friend who was the unfortunate recipient of my ORALITES one drunken night about 15 years ago could undoubtedly testify.

Probably the closest I'll ever get to being immortalised. Thank you.

Phil Reynolds wrote:

Matt Morrison wrote:bad sex

Oh, that one definitely is not always an oxymoron, as the straight friend who was the unfortunate recipient of my ORALITES one drunken night about 15 years ago could undoubtedly testify.

Sue Sanders wrote:It was my 40th birthday, he was 20, rather cute and and up for it. I believe it was good for him........

Chortle chortle. Here's where I show off and claim I've never had bad sex. And no, I'm not a virgin.

Of course, Bad Sex does exist, and it's absolutely brilliant. "Now, disagree with my balls! Argue, really argue! Object!"
There are about four or five Bad Sex sketches, but being that they come from hour-long Blue Jam slots, they're not easy to find on the Net. Another of them is on YouTube.

Marc Meakin wrote:

Phil Reynolds wrote:What happened to Corby's post?

I thought I was the only one to notice that. Did you get a chance to read it ?

So what was Corby's post? With all the talk of tabs in the computer corner thread, it's worth noting that you should still be able to read it if you have the tab available by pressing back loads....

I tried it but I wasn't fruitful

Matt Morrison wrote:Chortle chortle. Here's where I show off and claim I've never had bad sex. And no, I'm not a virgin.

You might not have done. There's a poll for the partners if ever I saw one (Unless you were one your own...?) Personally I've always been fantastic