Chimney Pot

[Derek Hazell]

I've had a couple of days off work this week, and have just been sitting around doing nothing and relaxing so far.

The whole time I've been sitting in my living room there have been weird noises coming from my chimney, which is currently open waiting for a new fire to be installed. I looked in there and cannot see a bird trapped. Funny thing is, I'd been out of my house for over a week before this, and the noise was coming from it before then too!

Who can come up with the best answer to what is going on with my chimney?

[Charlie Reams]

I reckon it's George Jenkins.

[Derek Hazell]

Charlie "Funnier than Michael McIntyre" Reams justifies his nickname once again.

[Derek Hazell]

Forgot to say, best answer wins a piece of coal when the chimney is cleaned for the new fire.

[Phil Reynolds]

What sort of sound? Simply saying that there are "weird noises" coming from your chimney could mean almost anything. If there was a persistent scraping or rustling coming from my chimney I'd probably think that was weird; but then hearing, say, my name being tapped out in Morse code, or a small chamber orchestra playing the theme tune to Raiders of the Lost Ark, would also fit the bill. Can you be more specific?

[JimBentley]

It sounds to me as though you have an excessive buildup of effulgent querning. You can probably clear it with a pair of Nielsen Balls (or you could use Ferguson's Combobulator, if you're made of money).

[Michael Wallace]

There was a documentary by David Attenborough a while back which demonstrated that raccoons quite like to live in chimneys. Maybe it's raccoons.

[Sue Sanders]

I've had a couple of days off work this week, and have just been sitting around doing nothing and relaxing so far.

The whole time I've been sitting in my living room there have been weird noises coming from my chimney, which is currently open waiting for a new fire to be installed. I looked in there and cannot see a bird trapped. Funny thing is, I'd been out of my house for over a week before this, and the noise was coming from it before then too!

Who can come up with the best answer to what is going on with my chimney?

This morning when I turned the shower off it continued to make a noise, a loud buzzing noise that didn't stop when I hit it. It didn't stop when I switched off the big switch that never gets switched off and it even carried on after dad turned the electricity off. So dad called the shower company and the girl on the phone was surprised - she expected it was the solonoids but had never known them to carry on buzzing with no power on.

This afternoon ....Dad has just marched into my room and chucked something at me. My Venus vibrance....a razor that vibrates. Propped against the bracket that the shower head slides up and down it makes a surprisingly loud buzz!!

So Derek, where did you last leave your ladyshave? Is it stuck up your chimney? (Insert your own joke there)

[Derek Hazell]

This morning when I turned the shower off it continued to make a noise, a loud buzzing noise that didn't stop when I hit it. It didn't stop when I switched off the big switch that never gets switched off and it even carried on after dad turned the electricity off. So dad called the shower company and the girl on the phone was surprised - she expected it was the solonoids but had never known them to carry on buzzing with no power on.

This afternoon ....Dad has just marched into my room and chucked something at me. My Venus vibrance....a razor that vibrates. Propped against the bracket that the shower head slides up and down it makes a surprisingly loud buzz!!

I might have to move out soon!

Haha, that's a brilliant story, Sue! I particularly liked the use of the words "vibrance" and "that vibrates" in such an innocently amusing tale.

Edit: You must have added that last paragraph while I was still typing that

[Sue Sanders]

This morning when I turned the shower off it continued to make a noise, a loud buzzing noise that didn't stop when I hit it. It didn't stop when I switched off the big switch that never gets switched off and it even carried on after dad turned the electricity off. So dad called the shower company and the girl on the phone was surprised - she expected it was the solonoids but had never known them to carry on buzzing with no power on.

This afternoon ....Dad has just marched into my room and chucked something at me. My Venus vibrance....a razor that vibrates. Propped against the bracket that the shower head slides up and down it makes a surprisingly loud buzz!!

I might have to move out soon!

Haha, that's a brilliant story, Sue! I particularly liked the use of the words "vibrance" and "that vibrates" in such an innocently amusing tale.

Edit: You must have added that last paragraph while I was still typing that

Indeed - I always fuck up my first post!

[Gavin Chipper]

The whole time I've been sitting in my living room there have been weird noises coming from my chimney, which is currently open waiting for a new fire to be installed.

I first read that as "weird noses". Imagine sitting in your lounge and noses keep arriving from your chimney. Not only that but they're weird!

By the way, on the subject of George Jenkins, why is it that when I changed the bulb in my room for an energy saving bulb, it now sometimes briefly flickers on when it's off?

[George Jenkins]

I reckon it's George Jenkins.

Charlie, I've only just read your comment and I wish that I could think of a funny retort. My lovely Wife got out of bed and came into my bedroom to see what I was laughing at. She reckons that you are right because I'm always poking my nose in everywhere.

[Ian Volante]

This afternoon ....Dad has just marched into my room and chucked something at me. My Venus vibrance...

Is it stuck up your chimney?

http://www.c4countdown.co.uk/viewtopic. ... 766#p52766

Vibrance, chimney, box, there's a definite theme going on with your posts recently...

[Gavin Chipper]

The whole time I've been sitting in my living room there have been weird noises coming from my chimney, which is currently open waiting for a new fire to be installed.

I first read that as "weird noses". Imagine sitting in your lounge and noses keep arriving from your chimney. Not only that but they're weird!

By the way, on the subject of George Jenkins, why is it that when I changed the bulb in my room for an energy saving bulb, it now sometimes briefly flickers on when it's off?

Since this has been bumped anyway, this (the above) was a serious question. Is there likely to be something dodgy with the wiring in my house? Why is it only with an energy saving lightbulb?

[Derek Hazell]

Well, the noise seems to have finally stopped now after about 6 weeks of it. Very close choice for the winner of the piece of coal. I loved Phil's idea of "a small chamber orchestra playing the theme tune to Raiders of the Lost Ark", but I think Charlie just scrapes it with his George Jenkins suggestion. Congratulations Charlie!

[George Jenkins]

Well, the noise seems to have finally stopped now after about 6 weeks of it. Very close choice for the winner of the piece of coal. I loved Phil's idea of "a small chamber orchestra playing the theme tune to Raiders of the Lost Ark", but I think Charlie just scrapes it with his George Jenkins suggestion. Congratulations Charlie!

Of course the noise has stopped Derek. I got stuck half way down, so I had to climb back out and go home. There must be an easier way to to pursue my new career of cat burgling.

[Derek Hazell]

Well. My kitchen ceiling has just fallen down now.
Great house I live in.