Songs For Each Of The Series 60 Finals Contestents

Douglas Wilson · Post by **Douglas Wilson** » Mon Jun 08, 2009 6:15 pm

Simple one, each of the finalists for series 60 needs a football style song/chant.

Submit them on this topic, or even sing and post it on youtube if you're really brave.

I'll decide the winner for each player, or I'll request a poll if there are a lot submitted.

GO GO GO

Douglas Wilson · Post by **Douglas Wilson** » Mon Jun 08, 2009 6:32 pm

Sorry for posting this topic twice, no idea how that happened.

Anyway me and my flat mates have been racking our brains and have come up with the following.

Neil Zussman: ZUSS ZUSS ZUSS ZUSS ZUSS ZUSS (Whilst doing a pointing action)

Hamish Williamson (can also be used for Julie if she makes it):
Williamson woooo Williamson wooooo
Jocks are normally shite
But our Hamish is dynamite

Jimmy Gough: (To the tune of Valarie by The Zutons)

Well sometimes I watch a show, they call it countdown
And I think of all the words, that you're getting, and in my head I paint a picture

'Cause since I've turned on, Well my brains been a mess, And I miss your ginger hair, and the way you like to dress.

Oh Won't You Come On Over, Stop Making A Fool Out Of Susie, Why Dont You Come On Over, Jimmy Gough.

Jimmy Gough x3

Jon O'Neill · Post by **Jon O'Neill** » Mon Jun 08, 2009 6:54 pm

Douglas Wilson wrote:Sorry for posting this topic twice, no idea how that happened.

Anyway me and my flat mates have been racking our brains and have come up with the following.

Neil Zussman: ZUSS ZUSS ZUSS ZUSS ZUSS ZUSS (Whilst doing a pointing action)

Hamish Williamson (can also be used for Julie if she makes it):
Williamson woooo Williamson wooooo
Jocks are normally shite
But our Hamish is dynamite

Jimmy Gough: (To the tune of Valarie by The Zutons)

Well sometimes I watch a show, they call it countdown
And I think of all the words, that you're getting, and in my head I paint a picture

'Cause since I've turned on, Well my brains been a mess, And I miss your ginger hair, and the way you like to dress.

Oh Won't You Come On Over, Stop Making A Fool Out Of Susie, Why Dont You Come On Over, Jimmy Gough.

Jimmy Gough x3

Awful idea and I love it. I'll post up my contribution later.

JackHurst · Post by **JackHurst** » Mon Jun 08, 2009 7:39 pm

Cate Henderson:

Always look on the bright side of life.

Phil Reynolds · Post by **Phil Reynolds** » Mon Jun 08, 2009 9:44 pm

I already did this for Neil Zussman.

Kirk Bevins · Post by **Kirk Bevins** » Mon Jun 08, 2009 9:49 pm

JackHurst wrote:Cate Henderson:

Always look on the bright side of life.

Ha, best one yet.

Douglas Wilson · Post by **Douglas Wilson** » Mon Jun 08, 2009 10:19 pm

Phil Reynolds wrote:I already did this for Neil Zussman.

Brilliant, maybe we could have that and finish it with a few tribal chants of ZUSS ZUSS ZUSS.

Anyway my mate Steve has come up with this one for Shane. (Feel free to remove if it's seen to be offensive.)

He's fat! He's round!
Maybe he'll win the crown.
Shane Roberts!
Shane Roberts!

I feel we need a really inventive one for Kirk but so far all I have is the Ricky Hatton chant, obviously replaced with Kirky Bevins:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=875QHPQX ... re=related

Derek Hazell · Post by **Derek Hazell** » Mon Jun 08, 2009 10:54 pm

Jimmy Gough, Jimmy Gough
Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy Gough
Gimme Dat Gough, Gimme Dat
Gimme, Gimme Dat, Gimme Dat Gough
Jimmy Gough, Jimmy, Jimmy Gough,
Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, Dat Gough

(Gimme Dat Ding by the Pipkins)

Jon O'Neill · Post by **Jon O'Neill** » Mon Jun 08, 2009 11:05 pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GHqFT-TehQ

He's been on four times.
He's been on four tiiiiiimes.
Amey Deshpande!
He's been on four times!

Phil Reynolds · Post by **Phil Reynolds** » Mon Jun 08, 2009 11:19 pm

Derek Hazell wrote:Jimmy Gough, Jimmy Gough
Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy Gough
Gimme Dat Gough, Gimme Dat
Gimme, Gimme Dat, Gimme Dat Gough
Jimmy Gough, Jimmy, Jimmy Gough,
Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, Dat Gough

(Gimme Dat Ding by the Pipkins)

Utterly, utterly brilliant. I'll be unable to stop singing that until I go to bed, and possibly for a while after.

(For anyone who doesn't know the tune, here's a link. Oh, Jimmy Gough, Jimmy Gough, Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy Gough...

)

Jon Corby · Post by **Jon Corby** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 7:19 am

Derek Hazell wrote:Jimmy Gough, Jimmy Gough
Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy Gough
Gimme Dat Gough, Gimme Dat
Gimme, Gimme Dat, Gimme Dat Gough
Jimmy Gough, Jimmy, Jimmy Gough,
Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, Dat Gough

(Gimme Dat Ding by the Pipkins)

That is just brilliant! The line in bold made me lol as well - no shit!

Phil Reynolds · Post by **Phil Reynolds** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 1:42 pm

Why restrict it to finalists?

One Michael Calder!
There's only one - oh, hang on...

Douglas Wilson · Post by **Douglas Wilson** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 3:27 pm

Well done to those who have replied so far, was expecting a greater quantity though with you being such intellegent and creative people.

Phil Reynolds · Post by **Phil Reynolds** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 4:08 pm

Herewith another attempt. I know the OP specified a football chant, but I don't know anything about them, so I've opted instead to follow the thread title and compose a regular song.

This is another one in praise of Neil Zussman. No disrespect to the other finalists intended, and no need for Neil to worry that I'm developing a dangerous obsession; it's just that he has an interesting name and it's fun to write a song that uses rhyme to enforce its correct pronunciation.

Right, here we go. One verse and a chorus - feel free to suggest more verses:

He has the same initials as the country called New Zealand
He's sharper than a pencil and he's faster than an eland
He's wizard at the letters rounds and shit hot at the numbers
The other players quake with fear when into view he lumbers

Neil Zussman! Neil Zussman!
The kosher orange juice man
He plays it fast and loose, man
And goes out on a limb
Neil Zussman! Neil Zussman!
He's natty and he's spruce, man
There's really no excuse, man
For not supporting him

Kai Laddiman · Post by **Kai Laddiman** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 4:12 pm

Phil Reynolds wrote:Herewith another attempt. I know the OP specified a football chant, but I don't know anything about them, so I've opted instead to follow the thread title and compose a regular song.

This is another one in praise of Neil Zussman. No disrespect to the other finalists intended, and no need for Neil to worry that I'm developing a dangerous obsession; it's just that he has an interesting name and it's fun to write a song that uses rhyme to enforce its correct pronunciation.

Right, here we go. One verse and a chorus - feel free to suggest more verses:

He has the same initials as the country called New Zealand
He's sharper than a pencil and he's faster than an eland
He's wizard at the letters rounds and shit hot at the numbers
The other players quake with fear when into view he lumbers

Neil Zussman! Neil Zussman!
The kosher orange juice man
He plays it fast and loose, man
And goes out on a limb
Neil Zussman! Neil Zussman!
He's natty and he's spruce, man
There's really no excuse, man
For not supporting him

Great, but perhaps a, um, cleaner version should be appropriate?

Jimmy Gough · Post by **Jimmy Gough** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 4:23 pm

Ha, that's so good. Except the "when into view he lumbers" line is terrible.

Phil Reynolds · Post by **Phil Reynolds** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 4:53 pm

Kai Laddiman wrote:Great, but perhaps a, um, cleaner version should be appropriate?

Matt Morrison · Post by **Matt Morrison** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 4:55 pm

Phil Reynolds wrote:
Kai Laddiman wrote:Great, but perhaps a, um, cleaner version should be appropriate?

Quality effort Phil, love it. And I second your

to Kai.

Kai Laddiman · Post by **Kai Laddiman** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 4:56 pm

Phil Reynolds wrote:
Kai Laddiman wrote:Great, but perhaps a, um, cleaner version should be appropriate?

No swearing?

EDIT: I understand my initial post didn't actually make sense, but meh.

Phil Reynolds · Post by **Phil Reynolds** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 4:59 pm

Jimmy Gough wrote:Ha, that's so good. Except the "when into view he lumbers" line is terrible.

I know. It was done deliberately, for McGonagall-esque comic effect. It's meant to suggest a desperate attempt to come up with a rhyme, just like the complete non sequitur "faster than an eland" in line 2.

Phil Reynolds · Post by **Phil Reynolds** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 4:59 pm

Kai Laddiman wrote:
Phil Reynolds wrote:
Kai Laddiman wrote:Great, but perhaps a, um, cleaner version should be appropriate?

No swearing?

Sorry Kai.

Douglas Wilson · Post by **Douglas Wilson** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 5:35 pm

I've just had a brainwave and come up with one for James:

I'm relying on you remembering the Chewits advert from about 5 years ago: 'I like to chew it chew it...', I can't seem to find it on youtube.

Anyway:

LETTERS

He likes to do it do it, he likes to DO IT x3

NUMBERS

He likes to do it do it, he likes to DO IT X3

(Repeat until bored)

Eoin Monaghan · Post by **Eoin Monaghan** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 5:40 pm

Douglas Wilson wrote:I've just had a brainwave and come up with one for James:

I'm relying on you remembering the Chewits advert from about 5 years ago: 'I like to chew it chew it...', I can't seem to find it on youtube.

Anyway:

LETTERS

He likes to do it do it, he likes to DO IT x3

NUMBERS

He likes to do it do it, he likes to DO IT X3

(Repeat until bored)

I was bored after the first line. Although it could be quite catchy

Douglas Wilson · Post by **Douglas Wilson** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 5:53 pm

Love the song, who are you advocating singing it about and how are you changing the lyrics?

Eoin Monaghan · Post by **Eoin Monaghan** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 6:20 pm

Douglas Wilson wrote:Love the song, who are you advocating singing it about and how are you changing the lyrics?

I was referring to the fact that the one about James is rubbish but catchy, just like DJ Talent's.

Jeffrey Burgin · Post by **Jeffrey Burgin** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 9:10 pm

His name is Neil Zussman,
He's a genius with the stats,
He finds cor-blimey words,
And he lives in a Warwick flat.

(To the tune of "My Old Man's A Dustman")

Note: Can't remember if he went to Warwick, substitute actual university if incorrect.

Paul Erdunast · Post by **Paul Erdunast** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 9:16 pm

The tune to the chewits advert was "I like to move it move it" by Reel 2 Real.

Andy Wilson · Post by **Andy Wilson** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 9:42 pm

Hey... anyone wana do the Julie Russell? What do you mean you don't know how... just follow me...

You put your left foot in, your left foot out,
In, out, in out, you shake it all about,
You do the Julie Russell and you turn around
and that's what it's all about.

Ooooohhhh Julie, Julie Russell,
Ooooohhhh Julie, Julie Russell,
Ooooohhhh Julie, Julie Russell,
and that's what it's all about

You put your right foot in...

(EDIT - this can also be sang as the Jaqui Baker if necessary!)

Marc Meakin · Post by **Marc Meakin** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 10:09 pm

Because of the tenuous Star Trek link to James Doohan. maybe one of you wacky lyricists can come up with something from the tune of Star Trekking

Matt Morrison · Post by **Matt Morrison** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 10:23 pm

marc meakin wrote:Because of the tenuous Star Trek link to James Doohan. maybe one of you wacky lyricists can come up with something from the tune of Star Trekking

James Doohan across the universe,
On the Starship Countdown under Captain Kirk.
James Doohan across the universe,
Boldly going forward 'cos the clock don't do reverse.

There's numbers on the letters board, letters board, letters board;
there's letters on the numbers board, numbers board, Jeff.

It's Countdown, Jeff, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's Countdown, Jeff, but not as we know it, it's unbelievable.

The Firm - Star Trekkin'

Phil Reynolds · Post by **Phil Reynolds** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 10:32 pm

Jeffrey Burgin wrote:His name is Neil Zussman,
[...]
And he lives in a Warwick flat.

Note: Can't remember if he went to Warwick, substitute actual university if incorrect.

He is indeed a student at Warwick University - good times. However, he lives in a house in Leamington Spa - bad times.

Phil Reynolds · Post by **Phil Reynolds** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 10:45 pm

Matt Morrison wrote:
marc meakin wrote:Because of the tenuous Star Trek link to James Doohan. maybe one of you wacky lyricists can come up with something from the tune of Star Trekking
James Doohan across the universe,
On the Starship Countdown under Captain Kirk.
James Doohan across the universe,
Boldly going forward 'cos the clock don't do reverse.

There's numbers on the letters board, letters board, letters board;
there's letters on the numbers board, numbers board, Jeff.

It's Countdown, Jeff, but not as we know it, not as we know it, not as we know it;
it's Countdown, Jeff, but not as we know it, it's unbelievable.

Pretty good. Other verses could include "There's DC on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow" and "It's worse than that, it's Gyles, Jeff, Gyles, Jeff, Gyles, Jeff". Although between us we seem to have drifted away from the brief, which was a song in tribute to James Doohan.

Stop press: your YouTube link led me indirectly to this, which is very funny indeed.

Jimmy Gough · Post by **Jimmy Gough** » Tue Jun 09, 2009 11:37 pm

The Gladiators theme tune but replaced with "The Kirkulator". And then in storms a lycra-clad Kirk with one of those crazy sticks they use and he starts beat the crap out of all of the other contestants.

Dinos Sfyris · Post by **Dinos Sfyris** » Wed Jun 10, 2009 12:29 am

Jimmy Gough wrote:The Gladiators theme tune but replaced with "The Kirkulator". And then in storms a lycra-clad Kirk with one of those crazy sticks they use and he starts beat the crap out of all of the other contestants.

I thought I was PMSLing reading the Star Trekking song and now this! Mental imagery overload!!!

Charlie Reams · Post by **Charlie Reams** » Wed Jun 10, 2009 10:16 am

Phil Reynolds wrote: Stop press: your YouTube link led me indirectly to this, which is very funny indeed.

And thence this which is pretty funny although far less clever.

Phil Reynolds · Post by **Phil Reynolds** » Wed Jun 10, 2009 2:10 pm

To redress my apparent pro-Neil bias, I suggest the following, to the tune of Isaac Hayes' Theme from Shaft:

Who's the guy, good with words,
And a sex machine to all the birds?
KIRK!
Ya damn right!
Who is the guy
That would risk a 9 for an all-time high?
KIRK!
Can you dig it?
Who's the cat that won't cop out
When there's six small about?
KIRK!
Right on!
They say this cat Kirk is a bad mother
SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
I'm talkin' 'bout Kirk.
THEN WE CAN DIG IT!
He's a complicated man
But no one understands him but his bitches...
TEAM KIRK!

Neil Zussman · Post by **Neil Zussman** » Wed Jun 10, 2009 3:21 pm

Loving some of the compositions in this thread. Keep 'em coming

Phil Reynolds wrote: He has the same initials as the country called New Zealand
He's sharper than a pencil and he's faster than an eland
He's wizard at the letters rounds and shit hot at the numbers
The other players quake with fear when into view he lumbers

Neil Zussman! Neil Zussman!
The kosher orange juice man
He plays it fast and loose, man
And goes out on a limb
Neil Zussman! Neil Zussman!
He's natty and he's spruce, man
There's really no excuse, man
For not supporting him

I keep wanting to sing this in the tune of the Blackadder theme song. It's the "Neil Zussman, Neil Zussman" bit that does it. It doesn't really work in that tune, though. Can you make up a chant that does fit that tune?

Jeffrey Burgin wrote:His name is Neil Zussman,
He's a genius with the stats,
He finds cor-blimey words,
And he lives in a Warwick flat.

Also awesome.

Phil Reynolds wrote:To redress my apparent pro-Neil bias...

I don't see anyone complaining

Phil Reynolds · Post by **Phil Reynolds** » Wed Jun 10, 2009 4:08 pm

Neil Zussman wrote:I keep wanting to sing this in the tune of the Blackadder theme song. It's the "Neil Zussman, Neil Zussman" bit that does it. It doesn't really work in that tune, though. Can you make up a chant that does fit that tune?

I have actually written a tune for that lyric - it's a sort of cross between an American varsity football song and Gilbert & Sullivan. However, I take your point about the Blackadder theme. How's this:

His skills at Countdown are renowned
He's such an amiable fella
He likes his pizza nicely browned
To go (but hold the mozzarella)

Neil Zussman! Neil Zussman!
This year's first octochamp
Neil Zussman! Neil Zussman!
He makes my trousers damp (sorry)

Neil Zussman! Neil Zussman!
His zaide's very proud
Neil Zussman! Neil Zussman!
Let's sing his name out loud!

Kirk Bevins · Post by **Kirk Bevins** » Wed Jun 10, 2009 4:18 pm

Phil Reynolds wrote: He makes my trousers damp (sorry)

Hahaha. Funniest line yet.

Phil Reynolds · Post by **Phil Reynolds** » Wed Jun 10, 2009 4:31 pm

Kirk Bevins wrote:
Phil Reynolds wrote: He makes my trousers damp (sorry)
Hahaha. Funniest line yet.

It was going to be "He's not remotely camp", but I'd already done the octochamp/camp rhyme in the Spiderman lyric. And damp was the only other rhyme I could think of.

Matt Morrison · Post by **Matt Morrison** » Wed Jun 10, 2009 4:38 pm

Phil Reynolds wrote:
Kirk Bevins wrote:
Phil Reynolds wrote: He makes my trousers damp (sorry)
Hahaha. Funniest line yet.
It was going to be "He's not remotely camp", but I'd already done the octochamp/camp rhyme in the Spiderman lyric. And damp was the only other rhyme I could think of.

He don't need a wheelchair ramp
He'll put you in a Countdown clamp
He looks best when lit by lamp
With a haircut that suits a tramp
Dressed in black, the 6 small vamp

Phil Reynolds · Post by **Phil Reynolds** » Wed Jun 10, 2009 4:46 pm

Matt Morrison wrote:
Phil Reynolds wrote:I'd already done the octochamp/camp rhyme in the Spiderman lyric. And damp was the only other rhyme I could think of.
He don't need a wheelchair ramp
He'll put you in a Countdown clamp
He looks best when lit by lamp
With a haircut that suits a tramp
Dressed in black, the 6 small vamp

Yeah, OK clever dick. Shame none of those lines fits the tune. I did actually think of "He dresses like a tramp" but felt that was gratuitously insulting to Neil. And possibly even untrue.

Neil Zussman · Post by **Neil Zussman** » Wed Jun 10, 2009 9:45 pm

Phil Reynolds wrote:
Neil Zussman wrote:I keep wanting to sing this in the tune of the Blackadder theme song. It's the "Neil Zussman, Neil Zussman" bit that does it. It doesn't really work in that tune, though. Can you make up a chant that does fit that tune?
I have actually written a tune for that lyric - it's a sort of cross between an American varsity football song and Gilbert & Sullivan. However, I take your point about the Blackadder theme. How's this:

His skills at Countdown are renowned
He's such an amiable fella
He likes his pizza nicely browned
To go (but hold the mozzarella)

Neil Zussman! Neil Zussman!
This year's first octochamp
Neil Zussman! Neil Zussman!
He makes my trousers damp (sorry)

Neil Zussman! Neil Zussman!
His zaide's very proud
Neil Zussman! Neil Zussman!
Let's sing his name out loud!

Stunning. Just stunning. Worrying. But stunning.

Jason Larsen · Post by **Jason Larsen** » Wed Jun 10, 2009 10:27 pm

These are all brilliant!

Phil Reynolds · Post by **Phil Reynolds** » Thu Jun 11, 2009 6:34 pm

Phil Reynolds wrote:He has the same initials as the country called New Zealand
He's sharper than a pencil and he's faster than an eland
He's wizard at the letters rounds and shit hot at the numbers
The other players quake with fear when into view he lumbers

Neil Zussman! Neil Zussman!
The kosher orange juice man
He plays it fast and loose, man
And goes out on a limb
Neil Zussman! Neil Zussman!
He's natty and he's spruce, man
There's really no excuse, man
For not supporting him

I mentioned that I'd written a tune for the above lyric and that it was a cross, roughly speaking, between G&S and an American varsity football song. However, having MIDIfied it and listened to the result, I think I was subconsciously influenced more by the Monty Python Camelot song on that YouTube clip I posted a link to. Anywhere here it is. The verse is a bit plinky-plonky, but I feel it achieves a certain heroic nobility in the chorus.

Oh, and for the sake of completeness, here's the sheet music. Musicians among you, feel free to print this out and practise over the weekend so you can perform it in front of your TVs next Tuesday as a curtain raiser to Neil's quarter final.