Nobody in the world could beat you at X Y and Z

[JackHurst]

An eccentric billionaire gives you the chance to win £10,000,000.

The rules are as follows:
You nominate 3 different sports / games that you will play.

The billionaire recruits a candidate deemed to have the best chance of beating you at all 3 of those games.

You then play against the candidate at all of those 3 games that you nominated. Provided you win at least 1, you get the £10,000,000. If they win all three then they get the money.

What 3 games do you pick?

[Mark Deeks]

Sarcasm, the original Destruction Derby on the Playstation, cutting perfectly round fingernails using massive kitchen scissors.

[Jon O'Neill]

Game 1. Who is taller?
Game 2. Who is shorter?
Game 3. Countdown

[JackHurst]

Game 1. Who is taller?
Game 2. Who is shorter?
Game 3. Countdown

Game 3 should have been finding loopholes.

[JackHurst]

Sarcasm, the original Destruction Derby on the Playstation, cutting perfectly round fingernails using massive kitchen scissors.

I've heard that you use the grater on your toenails when you've ran out of parmesan.

[Mark Deeks]

Holy balls you're posh.

[Mark James]

I would just kill the billionaire and take all his money, but also tetris.

[Gavin Chipper]

Game 1. Who is taller?
Game 2. Who is shorter?
Game 3. Countdown

If I was the billionaire I'd probably specify some sort of skill element. Possibly difficult to define exactly, but it should at least be possible for you to lose against anyone. That said:

1. Knowledge of my life
2. Realistic impression of me
3. What am I thinking about?

Although I don't know why the billionaire didn't think to ban games specifically relating to the person in question in this scenario.

So maybe:

1. Knowledge of 1980s F1
2. Knowledge of voting methods
3. Super Monaco GP on the Game Gear

Edit - Though what about games relating to people you know? How do you draw the line between them and celebrities? Or local places. Your country; your county; your village; your house?

[Fiona T]

Game 1. Who is taller?
Game 2. Who is shorter?
Game 3. Countdown

So we just need someone exactly the same height as you who can beat you at countdown

[JackHurst]

Update from the Billionaire:

You can pick team games. He will use his wealth and access to advanced science to create temporary clones of you and the candidate so that there are enough copies of each of you to fill the teams.

He's also displeased at the nonsense suggestions such as "Impressions of Gavin Chipper" and "Manicuring Mark Deeks". The rules are now any of:

- Sports that have been included in the Olympics
- Games / Sports that have had an official world championship for at least the last 5 years
- Adaptations of TV game shows that have existed for at least the past 5 years
- Video games that have sold over 1 million copies
- Board games that have sold over a million copies


Looking forward to the additional loop holes that get found

[Johnny Canuck]

Snakes and Ladders, Chutes and Ladders, Rock-Paper-Scissors (one-off). 7 out of 8 shot.

[Mark Deeks]

I'm telling you, write the goddamn cheque, Buffet. Destruction Derby. It's over for you. 99s every time, I was a machine. Still am. Definitely haven't wasted my life or anything.

Anyway, this is all just a thinly veiled pretense for someone to just ask Jack what he would do so he can say pool and Countdown, so let's get that out of the way.

Hey Jack, what would you choose?

(And if you don't take the "some people can beat me at Countdown, just not you Mark" tap-in of an open goal, I'll be sorely disappointed.)

[Mark Deeks]

They used to have town planning in the Olympics. I reckon I could plan the shit out of a town.

[JackHurst]

I'm telling you, write the goddamn cheque, Buffet.

Buffet far too sensible for this sort of nonsense. Feels more like a Elon Musk thing. He'd turn it into some sort of reality series to be exclusive to Twitter*



*Disclaimer I don't know how Twitter works.

[JackHurst]

I would just kill the billionaire and take all his money, but also tetris.

Isn't Paul Erdunast really good at Tetris? If you are picking Countdown as your 2nd the. I'd advise you to pick something you expect to definitely be better than Paul at

[Gavin Chipper]

Update from the Billionaire:

You can pick team games. He will use his wealth and access to advanced science to create temporary clones of you and the candidate so that there are enough copies of each of you to fill the teams.

What happens to the clones afterwards? How would you know you weren't one of the clones?

[Jon O'Neill]

Update from the Billionaire:

You can pick team games. He will use his wealth and access to advanced science to create temporary clones of you and the candidate so that there are enough copies of each of you to fill the teams.

He's also displeased at the nonsense suggestions such as "Impressions of Gavin Chipper" and "Manicuring Mark Deeks". The rules are now any of:

- Sports that have been included in the Olympics
- Games / Sports that have had an official world championship for at least the last 5 years
- Adaptations of TV game shows that have existed for at least the past 5 years
- Video games that have sold over 1 million copies
- Board games that have sold over a million copies


Looking forward to the additional loop holes that get found

I can't think of anyone who could do me at Countdown and cricket, so I will go with that plus the marathon, which I have never done.

I don't think temporary clones is the best way to get around the team sport issue. For example, I'd back a team of 11 clones of a League 2 midfielder over 11 clones of certain Premier League goalkeepers, but it would be hard to argue that a L2 midfielder is "better" than a PL GK.

[Gavin Chipper]

Maybe a better solution would be to clone the other players. E.g. you take the role of some particular Man Utd striker. Your opponent does the same and has the same team-mates as you in the Man Utd v Man Utd clash.

[Fiona T]

Update from the Billionaire:

You can pick team games. He will use his wealth and access to advanced science to create temporary clones of you and the candidate so that there are enough copies of each of you to fill the teams.

He's also displeased at the nonsense suggestions such as "Impressions of Gavin Chipper" and "Manicuring Mark Deeks". The rules are now any of:

- Sports that have been included in the Olympics
- Games / Sports that have had an official world championship for at least the last 5 years
- Adaptations of TV game shows that have existed for at least the past 5 years
- Video games that have sold over 1 million copies
- Board games that have sold over a million copies


Looking forward to the additional loop holes that get found

Edit: oh ignore me - you've said any world championship....

It seems a shame for your billionaire not to include feats of mental agility - like matey we met at MSO who was world memory champion (or something like that - I can't remember...). Also skills that might not (yet) have made the Olympics such as unicycling.... Pinball machines! Rally driving! Craft things - knitting, cooking.... I entered the all England stone skimming championships once - dunno if there's a world event...!




https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ben_Pridmore - that's our man.

[Gavin Chipper]

Games / Sports that have had an official world championship for at least the last 5 years

I think you might be surprised at the number of people that have made up a game and had an "official world championship" among friends or family. If it's been going 5 years, then bingo.

- Adaptations of TV game shows that have existed for at least the past 5 years

How much adapting can be done?

[Thomas Carey]

Did a lot of video games as a teenager but don't thing I was amazingly good at any other than brain training memory type stuff. But that and the kind of board games I'm good at are probably things that people better than me at countdown are also good at. So not them.

Except, German. There's a German version of who wants to be a millionaire, the chase etc, so I pick a game of English countdown and some generic German quiz. I'm not the strongest quizzer but there probably aren't many German speakers who can beat me at English countdown.

For the third one I just need to keep the Matt Hamers of this world away. This annoyingly means I can't use parkrun because Matt is stupidly quick, and I'm useless at any other sport. So for my third one I'm picking eating contest, bring it Matt.

[JackHurst]

If it's been going 5 years, then bingo.

Bit of a rogue choice given that it's a game of total luck.

[Elliott Mellor]

If I'm allowed to "adapt" Countdown to Greek Countdown (not an official show as far as I know, but you did say we were allowed to adapt shows), then
- Greek Countdown
- English Countdown
- Table tennis

I reckon the average Greek speaker could probably beat me at Greek Countdown, but my tactic here is that I'm decent enough such that I don't think any of the top English players could realistically beat me in a 15 rounder of it, and I'm pretty confident that anyone who could beat me at Greek would likely not be able to hold a candle to me at English. Throw in the table tennis and I think I'd be pretty certain I'd be pocketing the ten million quid. Prime Paul Erdunast would have had a decent chance of beating me at both languages, but by now he's almost certainly rusty enough that I'd at least take the English, and I never heard of him being particularly good at table tennis.

If I'm not allowed to have Greek Countdown, then maybe:
- English Countdown
- Table tennis
- Wii tennis/bowling (okay nobody fucking plays on a Wii anymore, but it's definitely sold more than a million copies and I'm pretty certain I'd still be able to beat virtually anyone at it because I used to play it relentlessly)


I have to doff my cap to Johnny Canuck's approach of simply picking three games that are entirely based on luck, and reasoning he's got a 7/8 chance of taking the money. That's a pretty strong approach, because even if there's one person on the planet who is absolute godly at every skill-based game, it's impossible for anyone to learn to be good at games that are purely luck and therefore you've a guaranteed 7/8 chance, which is pretty good.

[Adam S Latchford]

The card game "big 2".
Flag quiz.
Rock paper scissors.

I'd back myself in either of the top two against basically anybody but on the off chance i lose at both, might aswell throw a random chance one in to try and secure the bag

[JackHurst]

The Billionaire is very appreciative of the input so far and has decided he will devise a new game based on many of these ideas put together. Update to come in the next couple of days. Mark Deeks is set to become a very rich man!

[Gavin Chipper]

I'm surprised that people are using rock, paper, scissors (the American version of papers, scissors, stone) as a form of randomness. You can be psychologically outmanoeuvred. It's not simply random.

[Johnny Canuck]

You can be psychologically outmanoeuvred. It's not simply random.

Even on the first go? Hence why I specified one-off.

[Gavin Chipper]

You can be psychologically outmanoeuvred. It's not simply random.

Even on the first go? Hence why I specified one-off.

Depends. They might be able to "read" you or influence you. Plus you can't really specify a one-off if there has to be a winner because it might be a draw.

[Dan Byrom]

1. Countdown
2. 5-a-side
3. Piano improvisation

[Marc Meakin]

1) guessing 1980s chart hits from intros .(10 seconds max)
2) Being able to guess when to stop a stopwatch after exactly 30 seconds.
3) speed reading a book upside down

[Matt Morrison]

Reminds me of a guy at uni who was incredibly proud that he had "mastered" masturbation by reducing it down to an exercise in barebones efficiency. Soft (like "oh, here's an idea out of the blue" soft) to finished in considerably less than a minute I recall. Not sure it was really in the spirit of anything good, but definitely would have been one of his three.

[Mark James]

How do you win a wanking competition? Come first.

[JackHurst]

bareboners efficiency

Fixed it 4 u

[Elliott Mellor]

Reminds me of a guy at uni who was incredibly proud that he had "mastered" masturbation by reducing it down to an exercise in barebones efficiency. Soft (like "oh, here's an idea out of the blue" soft) to finished in considerably less than a minute I recall. Not sure it was really in the spirit of anything good, but definitely would have been one of his three.

Yes but did anybody ever witness this assumed ability?

[Gavin Chipper]

Reminds me of a guy at uni who was incredibly proud that he had "mastered" masturbation by reducing it down to an exercise in barebones efficiency. Soft (like "oh, here's an idea out of the blue" soft) to finished in considerably less than a minute I recall. Not sure it was really in the spirit of anything good, but definitely would have been one of his three.

Well there is a recognised competition for him.

[Ian Volante]

a guy at uni

uh-huh