Apple variety rankings

[JackHurst]

I'm talking about the fruit. One a day keeps the doctor away, but which would you like to have the most and which would you want to avoid?

God tier:
Pink Lady

Good tier:
Jazz
Braeburn
Honey Crisp

Ok tier:
Gala

Shit tier:
Golden Delicious
Red delicious
Granny smith

[Mark James]

Granny Smith is the only kind I like. Golden delicious definitely the worst though.

[Gavin Chipper]

We often get Pink Ladies actually, but I think they're one of many decent and largely interchangeable types of apple. The God tier apple (they can be inconsistent but when they are right they are RIGHT) is the Cox's orange pippin.

[Thomas Carey]

This, basically. To me, there's no such thing as a bad apple (except for rotten ones, or the song) but there's definitely a hierarchy. My ex was very into pink ladies, during which time I learned that they are pretty good and surprisingly expensive. If we're doing a full tier list I'd put them up top with granny smith and honeycrisp, then braeburn, gala and cox, with jazz and the deliciouses rounding off the list in the 'still decent' tier.

[Gavin Chipper]

Not sure honeycrisp are really a thing in the UK.

[L'oisleatch McGraw]

Granny Smith is in a league of its own.
Juicy and refreshing.

All others are grand, I suppose.

[Dan Byrom]

God tier:
Jazz
Pink Lady

Good tier:
Braeburn
Golden Delicious

Ok tier:
Granny Smith

Shit tier:
Gala

Haven't tried:
Honey crisp
Red delicious

[Callum Todd]

Shit tier:
Granny smith

I'll fight you.

[JackHurst]

One thing I there's consensus on is how shit red delicious are. I've never known anybody deliberately buy one to eat from the shop. The only time you ever see them eaten is in offices / hotels etc where there is free fruit and everything else has been taken.

[Callum Todd]

One thing I there's consensus on is how shit red delicious are.

If they have to put 'delicious' in the name they must be shit.

[Ian Volante]

Pink Lady apples seem to veer between quite distinct, and a slightly nicer Golden Delicious. I usually buy them over Granny Smiths though. Granny Smiths of some decades ago were better than current ones though - much tarter.

[Ian Volante]

Oh, and a good crab apple is very satisfying.

[Gavin Chipper]

I think I agree with that cartoon thing about Granny Smiths doing their own thing. They're quite distinctive and can be a bit sour. I can understand them being someone's apple of choice but I can imagine that person being from the 17th century and dismissing all other apples as these new-fangled apples that the young people have.

As for the others, most of the ones you get in the supermarket (Pink Lady, Braeburn, Jazz, Kanzi etc.) are all decent enough and you might have a slight preference for one over another, but none of them really stand out and they're largely much of a muchness. There's no justification in elevating something like Pink Lady to God tier.

But Coxes, on the other hand, are distinctive and have the advantage of not being too sour like Granny Smiths. They are the perfect apple. If you have good tier and God tier, maybe these are gd tier. But unfortunately they can be hard to get hold of because they're often out of season and sometimes they're not top tier because it's not exactly the right time of year or something. But as I alluded to earlier, if you get a peak Cox, there's no going back. All other apples are inferior.

By the way, I don't think I've had a Golden or Red Delicious for years. It used to be that there weren't so many apples around, so if Granny Smiths were too sour for your tastes, you might pick a Golden Delicious because it was the other option. And then you might see a Red Delicious and think it's really exotic because it's red. But we're in the 2020s now guys. These apples are completely obsolete and shouldn't even be in your rankings.

[Andres Sanchez]

Granny smiths are better in baking than they are in actual consumption. I will stand by this thought.

[Callum Todd]

Apple tasting: coming to a co:event near you soon.

[Gavin Chipper]

According to this website, SweeTango apples are the best. Another website which discusses apples is even called Orange Pippin, adding to the legend of this great apple.

[Jon O'Neill]

I like red deliciouses.

[Marc Meakin]

Braeburn is my favourite variety or jazz