c4countdown

(just a bit of fun)

... and you've been given carte blanche by Channel 4 to spend whatever you want, do whatever you want, and you have complete control over everything: scheduling, host choices, et cetera. What changes do you make, and why?

For me:
- go back to 9-rounders. Keeps games exciting and one-sided dominations aren't prolonged and drawn out. Sam vs Bernie, for example, was almost quite painful to watch. Plus 15-rounders can really drag as well.
- go for a more jovial personality as host when Nick retires. Not that I would like a Whiteley clone, but someone who laughs and injects, rather than removes, fun from the proceedings. I was saddened when Paul Zenon got SEXPOT the other day and Nick Hewer completely ruined it by rejecting any and all laughter.
- brand new set. No expense spared. Make it all look shinier and glossier and add more colours than blue and brown.
- change the letters font.
- change series lengths to 4 rather than 6 months (i.e. 3 per year). With fewer interruptions for cricket, racing, etc, I don't really want another Corinna Atwood-gate. In 2019 there were 238 programmes, so in a normal year, moving this to 72-73 prelims per series rather than 110+ would be a good move for me. It's not the same as 1997 when you had 4 series in a year. Moreover, this would tie in nicely with the following point:
- get the kids watching again. 4:30pm. And having 3 series in a year the finals would coincide with the kids' holidays (Easter, late Aug, Christmas) which would generate a lot of interest. And also gives the phrase "teatime teaser" more meaning as opposed to today's afternoon anagrams.
- stick with the current one COC every 3 years, but have "Supreme Championship III" as Series 100.

It's is all Goatdown letters and there is a pit of snakes. When players pick their final letter tile they do it themselves by fishing the letter they want out of a pit of snakes

Rhys Benjamin wrote: ↑Wed Oct 07, 2020 10:19 pm - change the letters font.

Wingdings? Jokerman? Papyrus?

I think I'd keep the 15-rounders unlike you, Rhys. I didn't like the old 15-rounder with only 3 numbers games. It was unbalanced and felt constipated. But I like the current format.

Changing series lengths might be a good idea. There was always the risk of 9 octochamps when they got 8 at the first time of trying back in series 47 (the first 15-round, 6-month series).

And I agree about changing the time back to 4:30 or 4:15 or so.

And yes to another supreme championship, or a 40th anniversary special. But I'd make sure I went out of my way to try and contact certain players. I know for data protection reasons, they were unable to hold onto the details of everyone, but I'd put the word out that I wanted to get hold of x, y and z etc. The 30th birthday was basically all Apterites/c4cers and Scrabblers.

I'd replac Nick Hewer with Mark Deeks. I'd also go back to rotating the Susie role, rather than having just one person permanently. And I'd replace Rachel with someone who espoused less toxic views. And as for the guests, I'd be very picky about who I invited back on. If they send me to sleep - goodbye.

Edit - Also get rid of the 9-point bonus for 9s!

Martin Jarvis as host, and go back to nine-rounders so he can talk more.

The lowest-scoring person each week would be forced to dig through mountains of celluloid in the Channel 4 vaults until all our wiki recaps were done.

Ian Volante wrote: ↑Thu Oct 08, 2020 12:25 pm Martin Jarvis as host, and go back to nine-rounders so he can talk more.

When he just read out passages from Just William, it was probably the laziest and most arrogant thing a DC guest has ever done.

Gavin Chipper wrote: ↑Thu Oct 08, 2020 7:49 pm

Ian Volante wrote: ↑Thu Oct 08, 2020 12:25 pm Martin Jarvis as host, and go back to nine-rounders so he can talk more.

When he just read out passages from Just William, it was probably the laziest and most arrogant thing a DC guest has ever done.

I'd argue the time he read out 'Mrs Worthington' as a dramatic poem tops that.

I don't agree with going back to 9 rounders. If the problem is too many one-sided games then you should try to reduce these rather than shortening the whole show.

I'd allow past contestants to reapply. Not just 'unlucky losers' but everyone (series champions etc). There'd be a min number of years between reappearances: I'd guess between 5 and 10. This number is chosen so that there's not an overflow of past elite contestants, I'd want the median standard to increase, have more competitive prelims and series finals but still have it so that normal non-apterous contestants can make it on and win a few.

The threshold for forced retirement is reduced to 5 or 6 games. (Thinking about it, 8 seems like so many shows. It'd be better with more competitive prelims but I think it really doesn't work well currently; there are far too many mismatches.) Series lengths are unchanged but the finals are increased to 16 players.

What to do with the guest is a tricky one. I'd want to remove the guest slot, but it seems weird to invite a celeb on just for a week and not give them time to talk. And having Susie just on her own wouldn't be great. I'd either: rotate between a few in-house guests who have good interaction with Susie, or have Rachel sit with Susie and the letters drawn via computer.

Of course everyone would rather the programme was at a timeslot where people could actually watch it, but why stop at 4.30: 7pm maybe. Just before the Champions League.

There should also be a cash prize for winning the series: maybe £50,000.

Cancel the whole show and bring back Scrapheap Challenge in its place.

Great post.

Take your wish list as granted. But then, run the show.
12 hours, costume, makeup, scripts, sound, lighting, teasers, conundrums, scoring, DC guests content, set problems, 8 cameras, all done as live.
Then resign.

Scrap the make-up, let these ugly bastards suffer for their sins. Make a standard uniform to give it that schoolyard feel, save some time there. Get whoever does the calendar to set the teasers, outsource that. Take out conundrums cos no one likes those. There you go, that's time saved already.

Mark Deeks wrote: ↑Fri Oct 16, 2020 9:17 pm Get whoever does the calendar to set the teasers, outsource that.

*Nods*

Mark Deeks wrote: ↑Fri Oct 16, 2020 9:17 pm Scrap the make-up, let these ugly bastards suffer for their sins. Make a standard uniform to give it that schoolyard feel, save some time there. Get whoever does the calendar to set the teasers, outsource that. Take out conundrums cos no one likes those. There you go, that's time saved already.

Or Rachel can buy her own dresses.

What I'm slightly more fascinated by is "scripts". Nick can do the opening spiel on his own without any pointers. Then we'll broadcast it live, so the director can scream "GET ON WITH IT" in his ear endlessly.

Mind you I do need a job, so open to... well, anything at the moment. Though probably not make-up artist. Haven't done enough drag performances yet to perfect that one.

Ways to save further time:

- Save on the time spent turning the letters board into the numbers board by having it rotate like on Numberwang and make that rotation part of the run time of the show. That's probably, what, another hour saved per filming day right there.

- No DC guests. This will also save money which can be reinvested into staff pensions and a Christmas do.

- Trim down the theme music so it's just "ba da, ba da, ba da la la BOOOOM", save the whole spinny clock thing. Straight into the show, crack on. Limit the opening anecdote length to 14 seconds with the power to mute as necessary.

- Shorten rounds to 10 seconds and have them picked automatically. The Instant format, basically.

- No audience. Use the freed-up space to put a pool table in, couple of fruities, make a night of it. This might also get Jon Corby back interested in the game, if for some insane reason you wanted that.

Honestly, if I was in charge, we'd start a full day's filming at 9am sharp and be two pints in by four. It's just a shame that I have to be the one with all the ideas, really. The truly sensible ideas that I am obviously deadly serious about.

Mark Deeks wrote: ↑Fri Oct 16, 2020 11:57 pm Ways to save further time:

- Save on the time spent turning the letters board into the numbers board by having it rotate like on Numberwang and make that rotation part of the run time of the show. That's probably, what, another hour saved per filming day right there.

- No DC guests. This will also save money which can be reinvested into staff pensions and a Christmas do.

- Trim down the theme music so it's just "ba da, ba da, ba da la la BOOOOM", save the whole spinny clock thing. Straight into the show, crack on. Limit the opening anecdote length to 14 seconds with the power to mute as necessary.

- Shorten rounds to 10 seconds and have them picked automatically. The Instant format, basically.

- No audience. Use the freed-up space to put a pool table in, couple of fruities, make a night of it. This might also get Jon Corby back interested in the game, if for some insane reason you wanted that.

Honestly, if I was in charge, we'd start a full day's filming at 9am sharp and be two pints in by four. It's just a shame that I have to be the one with all the ideas, really. The truly sensible ideas that I am obviously deadly serious about.

This is brilliant.

No one quoted or mentioned CountdownTeam's comment?

You just mentioned it. That covers us all.

Dave Preece wrote: ↑Mon Oct 19, 2020 1:45 am No one quoted or mentioned CountdownTeam's comment?

I was going to, but couldn't think of anything sufficiently witty other than the rather feeble "ace, I'll start on Monday".

Rhys Benjamin wrote: ↑Mon Oct 19, 2020 1:38 pm

Dave Preece wrote: ↑Mon Oct 19, 2020 1:45 am No one quoted or mentioned CountdownTeam's comment?

I was going to, but couldn't think of anything sufficiently witty other than the rather feeble "ace, I'll start on Monday".

Good enough.

Let the picker choose the length of the letters rounds, 9-18 letters, double points for anything over an 8.
Oh and do the whole thing live at 8pm

Paul Anderson wrote: ↑Thu Oct 22, 2020 10:24 am Let the picker choose the length of the letters rounds, 9-18 letters, double points for anything over an 8.

Next ZD special?

Gavin Chipper wrote: ↑Mon Oct 19, 2020 7:29 am You just mentioned it. That covers us all.

And this typical c4c user 'smart-arse' arrogant comment proves no fucker can do any better than the great work Countdown do.

Well that escalated quickly. I bet people don't get so angry on Scrapheap Challenge forums.

Dave Preece wrote: ↑Fri Oct 23, 2020 3:45 am

Gavin Chipper wrote: ↑Mon Oct 19, 2020 7:29 am You just mentioned it. That covers us all.

And this typical c4c user 'smart-arse' arrogant comment proves no fucker can do any better than the great work Countdown do.

Oh, your face is a typical c4c user "smart-arse" arrogant comment that proves no fucker can do any better than the great work Countdown do.

Callum Todd wrote: ↑Fri Oct 23, 2020 4:22 am Well that escalated quickly. I bet people don't get so angry on Scrapheap Challenge forums.

Probably have better comebacks as well.

Dave Preece wrote: ↑Fri Oct 23, 2020 3:45 am

Gavin Chipper wrote: ↑Mon Oct 19, 2020 7:29 am You just mentioned it. That covers us all.

And this typical c4c user 'smart-arse' arrogant comment proves no fucker can do any better than the great work Countdown do.

Does anybody remember Ronnie Pickering? In my head these are the same person.

JackHurst wrote: ↑Fri Oct 23, 2020 10:07 am

Dave Preece wrote: ↑Fri Oct 23, 2020 3:45 am

Gavin Chipper wrote: ↑Mon Oct 19, 2020 7:29 am You just mentioned it. That covers us all.

And this typical c4c user 'smart-arse' arrogant comment proves no fucker can do any better than the great work Countdown do.

Does anybody remember Ronnie Pickering? In my head these are the same person.

Yes.

Who?

It looks like Trump has lost the US election so I suppose that eventually they will prise him out of The White House. But all is not lost for Trump as I would be able to offer him a job as the new host of Countdown. After all, he did say that if he lost the election he might leave the country.

There will have to be further changes because I think that Suzie is too nice for the revised show but I think that Katie Hopkins will be a suitable replacement. Of course I'll keep Rachel although I did consider the return of Vorderman but she would want 95% of the budget. Just a few people on the guest list, probably Farage and maybe some shock jocks rotating.

As to the contestants I can see a problem. Whoever the real winner is Trump would claim that he himself was the winner. So I think the best thing is not to have any contestants and just let them rant on spewing their bile until the end of the show.

Of course the show will have to be renamed COUNTDOWN HELL.

Hello and welcome to Countdown on World Donald Day. Did you know that Donald is now the world's most popular baby name, in any language, for any sex. Now you do

Well it is the best name.

Countdown Team wrote: ↑Fri Oct 16, 2020 7:14 pm Great post.

Take your wish list as granted. But then, run the show.
12 hours, costume, makeup, scripts, sound, lighting, teasers, conundrums, scoring, DC guests content, set problems, 8 cameras, all done as live.
Then resign.

Odd unprovoked whinge.
Is it your time of the month?

This thread is in no way a criticism of how Countdown is run.
On the contrary, just a bit of fun, as Rhys said.

----------------------------------

Anyway, when I am made producer... I'll incorporate the online community aspects into the show more.
Zoomdown will be mentioned from time to time, as would the C4C forum and the other primary online places of note (Countdown Resources / Countdowners etc.)
Charlie will be offered a deal to run Apterous as a gaming site that is fully affiliated with the show. It will be advertised in each episode as part of the ticker tape that runs during the end credits. Measures would be taken to accommodate the vastly expanded user base. We'd have to work on getting the mobile version up to par.
If an Apterite becomes an Octochamp, the post victory chat may (or may not) include a reference to their Apto pro rank or a similar stat about their online performances.

[This one is a no-brainer] CoC would occur like clockwork after every 4 series, featuring all the semifinalists (with the odd QFist thrown in if there is an availability issue).

Also, if they were willing to have a go, I'd make the Susie vs Rachel special happen, with appropriate guests presenters filling their traditional roles.

An olive branch would be extended to Carol Vorderman, and she would be asked on as a DC guest.

Not sure how you would incorporate the up-to-the-minute stuff like ZD, Twitter etc in a show that's recorded months ahead

L'oisleatch McGraw wrote: ↑Sun Nov 08, 2020 6:51 am
Is it your time of the month?

The '80s called - they'd like their misogynistic tropes back please.

L'oisleatch McGraw wrote: ↑Sun Nov 08, 2020 6:51 am Charlie will be offered a deal to run Apterous as a gaming site that is fully affiliated with the show. It will be advertised in each episode as part of the ticker tape that runs during the end credits.

Did you realise that the producer would have no real power to make this happen?

Channel 4 own the rights to Countdown (and the brand), and ITV produce Countdown. The producer is an employee of ITV ands their job is everything to do with getting good episodes recorded to requirements and shipped to Channel 4. If you wanted some sort of official affiliation for apterous, I believe you'd have to be a big wig at channel 4 who decides how the Countdown brand gets licensed etc.

Fiona T wrote: ↑Sun Nov 08, 2020 12:00 pm

L'oisleatch McGraw wrote: ↑Sun Nov 08, 2020 6:51 am
Is it your time of the month?

The '80s called - they'd like their misogynistic tropes back please.

JackHurst wrote: ↑Sun Nov 08, 2020 4:22 pm

L'oisleatch McGraw wrote: ↑Sun Nov 08, 2020 6:51 am Charlie will be offered a deal to run Apterous as a gaming site that is fully affiliated with the show. It will be advertised in each episode as part of the ticker tape that runs during the end credits.

Did you realise that the producer would have no real power to make this happen?

Channel 4 own the rights to Countdown (and the brand), and ITV produce Countdown. The producer is an employee of ITV ands their job is everything to do with getting good episodes recorded to requirements and shipped to Channel 4. If you wanted some sort of official affiliation for apterous, I believe you'd have to be a big wig at channel 4 who decides how the Countdown brand gets licensed etc.

I did say in my OP that there were no holds barred and you're also, for our intents and purposes, head of Channel 4...

Fiona T wrote: ↑Sun Nov 08, 2020 12:00 pm

L'oisleatch McGraw wrote: ↑Sun Nov 08, 2020 6:51 am
Is it your time of the month?

The '80s called - they'd like their misogynistic tropes back please.

Does 2020's PC culture now try to deny that PMT exists?
Interesting. I'm not gonna go with that particular denial of reality if it's all the same to you.

Paul Anderson wrote: ↑Sun Nov 08, 2020 11:11 am Not sure how you would incorporate the up-to-the-minute stuff like ZD, Twitter etc in a show that's recorded months ahead

Actually, your bringing up of Twitter in there reminds me of a bugbear I have with the show.
Twitter gets mentioned A LOT, especially from Rachel in the pre-game chat with Nick.

I heard that they "can't" (i.e. won't) allow Apterous be named, because they are not supposed to advertise things on the show... but Twitter seems exempt from that? Does Jack Dorsey help fund C4? And if not, why does his business get so much free advertising on Countdown?

It does not take a massive imaginative leap to work out ways that the wider spiderweb of online Countdownery can be incorporated into things. In ZD's case, you don't go over the top with references to the show, but it gets mentioned at least once per series. A reference to perhaps a notable stat or match, and a plug for it as something fans of the TV show may want to investigate if they are keen for more gameplay.

L'oisleatch McGraw wrote: ↑Sun Nov 08, 2020 6:08 pm

Fiona T wrote: ↑Sun Nov 08, 2020 12:00 pm

L'oisleatch McGraw wrote: ↑Sun Nov 08, 2020 6:51 am
Is it your time of the month?

The '80s called - they'd like their misogynistic tropes back please.

Does 2020's PC culture now try to deny that PMT exists?
Interesting. I'm not gonna go with that particular denial of reality if it's all the same to you.

Yeah it's fine to assume that women's moods are entirely at the mercy of their hormones, and of course it's OK to equate a man who's a bit grumpy to a menstruating woman, because we all know that menstruating women are incapable of rational thought.

Fiona T wrote: ↑Sun Nov 08, 2020 6:51 pm Yeah it's fine to assume that women's moods are entirely at the mercy of their hormones, and of course it's OK to equate a man who's a bit grumpy to a menstruating woman, because we all know that menstruating women are incapable of rational thought.

All fair points.
I knew you'd come around.

L'oisleatch McGraw wrote: ↑Sun Nov 08, 2020 8:12 pm

Fiona T wrote: ↑Sun Nov 08, 2020 6:51 pm Yeah it's fine to assume that women's moods are entirely at the mercy of their hormones, and of course it's OK to equate a man who's a bit grumpy to a menstruating woman, because we all know that menstruating women are incapable of rational thought.

All fair points.
I knew you'd come around.

"Eoin Jackson and Fiona T have played each other in 23 games, with Eoin Jackson winning 8 games and Fiona T 15 games" - pretty poor record against a woman in a permanent menopausal fug.

Fiona T wrote: ↑Sun Nov 08, 2020 8:34 pm "Eoin Jackson and Fiona T have played each other in 23 games, with Eoin Jackson winning 8 games and Fiona T 15 games" - pretty poor record against a woman in a permanent menopausal fug.

You hardly want me to stop goin' easy on u?
I thought it was the gentlemanly thing to do...

(To be clear, I'm going for the "may as well be hung for a sexist sheep as a sexist lamb" approach, rather than backing down etc.)

I would change the music

Remember back in 96 when they changed the clock music and afterward that phrase came about "if it ain't broke dont fix it"?

Well why did'nt they think of that back in 1989 in the transition from series 17 to 18 aswell?

So perhaps not so much change the music more like regress it back to the 80s

Have you notice how people of my generation go on about how culture and stuff was much better in the 80s? - Well based on that i'd regress the whole of Countdown back to the 80s (but in a slighty modern form) cos thats where Countdown belongs

So give the music a bit more of an 80s disco vibe

and some neon lights round the set

and i would say bring back Cathy Hytner, but really i cant that happening now!!!! (shame)

oh yeh and id bring back countdown masters

That would be better in the mornings than Piers soddin' Morgan

Danny Woodhouse wrote: ↑Thu Nov 26, 2020 10:09 am Remember back in 96 when they changed the clock music and afterward that phrase came about "if it ain't broke dont fix it"?

Not sure this is entirely historically accurate.

Charlie Reams wrote: ↑Thu Nov 26, 2020 11:03 am

Danny Woodhouse wrote: ↑Thu Nov 26, 2020 10:09 am Remember back in 96 when they changed the clock music and afterward that phrase came about "if it ain't broke dont fix it"?

Not sure this is entirely historically accurate.

Alright i know - The "aint broke dont fix it" phrase was quoted a few years later in a certain Countdown book

and just so people know I have got Aspergers Syndrome which in my case means I have got very strong opinions of how things look and sound

I would show words on the board for more than two seconds so that people who are looking away from the screen briefly - maybe looking at their paper - don't miss it or have to rely on Susie's 200mph spelling of the word. Maybe they could mention it going on the board as well.

Danny Woodhouse wrote: ↑Thu Nov 26, 2020 10:37 am oh yeh and id bring back countdown masters

That would be better in the mornings than Piers soddin' Morgan

Now this is something I think everyone would agree with. Except they're on different channels.

Give contestants tablets so we don't have the showing your workings out to your opponent.
Plus you can see any doodles on the tablet for extra fun.

How much would Richard Osman want to be presenter
Then offer him the job.
Have a rotation of Susie and Rachel along with other wordy and maths type people.
Have more people of colour as players and guests.
This show is too white.
While you are at it have former players as guests or indeed doing Rachel or Susies job.
It's time to have plurals in the conundrum and have ten letter conundrums for the finals

I would do away with the weird tradition of putting up the numbers right to left. I (and I'm sure others) like to have the numbers on my paper in the same order as the screen, but it's a bit awkward writing backwards.

Is it not done like that so Rachel is next to the CECIL button, then moves to screen left to work it out?

Rhys Benjamin wrote: ↑Thu Dec 03, 2020 3:30 pm Is it not done like that so Rachel is next to the CECIL button, then moves to screen left to work it out?

I don't know but the button could be on the other side easily enough.

Marc Meakin wrote: ↑Thu Dec 03, 2020 12:01 am How much would Richard Osman want to be presenter
Then offer him the job.

Have more people of colour as players and guests.
This show is too white.

I would consider people on their own merits. But while we're here, why not a black presenter?

Gavin Chipper wrote: ↑Thu Dec 03, 2020 3:39 pm

Marc Meakin wrote: ↑Thu Dec 03, 2020 12:01 am How much would Richard Osman want to be presenter
Then offer him the job.

Have more people of colour as players and guests.
This show is too white.

I would consider people on their own merits. But while we're here, why not a black presenter?

Good idea.
I cant see why we can't have presenters on rotation
Maybe Jo Brand or Sandy Toksvig in the spring and Richard Ayewode or Lolly from Ghosts in the summer

Marc Meakin wrote: ↑Thu Dec 03, 2020 4:36 pm

Gavin Chipper wrote: ↑Thu Dec 03, 2020 3:39 pm

Marc Meakin wrote: ↑Thu Dec 03, 2020 12:01 am How much would Richard Osman want to be presenter
Then offer him the job.

Have more people of colour as players and guests.
This show is too white.

I would consider people on their own merits. But while we're here, why not a black presenter?

Good idea.
I cant see why we can't have presenters on rotation
Maybe Jo Brand or Sandy Toksvig in the spring and Richard Ayewode or Lolly from Ghosts in the summer

*Ayoade

Gavin Chipper wrote: ↑Thu Dec 03, 2020 3:30 pm I would do away with the weird tradition of putting up the numbers right to left. I (and I'm sure others) like to have the numbers on my paper in the same order as the screen, but it's a bit awkward writing backwards.

Who the hell writes the selections down when playing along

JackHurst wrote: ↑Fri Dec 04, 2020 11:45 am

Gavin Chipper wrote: ↑Thu Dec 03, 2020 3:30 pm I would do away with the weird tradition of putting up the numbers right to left. I (and I'm sure others) like to have the numbers on my paper in the same order as the screen, but it's a bit awkward writing backwards.

Who the hell writes the selections down when playing along

It's not just me! And I use them to get unsolved games in the break as well.

Marc Meakin wrote: ↑Thu Dec 03, 2020 12:01 am This show is too white.

Hold on a sec. This is the sort of racism that people are cool with, right?
It's hard to keep up.

L'oisleatch McGraw wrote: ↑Sat Dec 05, 2020 4:47 am

Marc Meakin wrote: ↑Thu Dec 03, 2020 12:01 am This show is too white.

Hold on a sec. This is the sort of racism that people are cool with, right?
It's hard to keep up.

Seems so.