c4countdown

Yeah, it's like you wouldn't mind being squashed between a wall and a fellow urinator, but god forbid you should have to stand next to somebody washing their hands. I think 3:2 in cubicles vs urinals is too high as well.

Michael Wallace wrote:I've just noticed that Jono's loo features 4 sinks and only 5 toilets - this seems a surprisingly low sink/toilet ratio. I know you don't want to be standing around waiting for someone to wash their hands, but ime it tends to be much closer to 1:2 or even less. Or do I just go to under-sinked toilets?

You must be using the ladies'. They're usually horribly under-sinked. Even the ones in M&S

Gavin Chipper wrote:By the way, I'm not sure if this was covered earlier, but with all the unwritten rules about using the urinal furthest from other people etc. why do people not always just piss in a cubicle as the first choice and then only use a urinal if they're taken?

Because it may look like you're concerned about the size of your willy.

Interesting thread. Just two urinals is also a pretty poor show, if there are two pissers then they have to stand next to each other, whereas three urinals gves some space. Though it's pretty weird if someone stands next to you when they have the option of a urinal gap. I had a friend at school who regarded a sink as just an extra cubicle, and he also liked to lock the door and climb out over the top.

Just thinking, I've used the nearest cubicle in the last three "public" poos I've had, but upon reading this thread I might put some more thought into it. I hate the pang of fear I get when pooing that I realize I haven't checked whether there's toilet paper, and I quickly look around before I exacerbate things. Luckily, I've always been okay.

Hmm, has anyone here ever taken a crap at school? In like 13 years of post-nappy schooling I can only remember taking a school poo once, and for that I used the staff toilets.

Conor wrote:Hmm, has anyone here ever taken a crap at school? In like 13 years of post-nappy schooling I can only remember taking a school poo once, and for that I used the staff toilets.

Never crapped at school. I have only had a number 2 in 2 public places in my life. First time was at a campsite quite a few years ago and you'd think needing a poo at about 1am that not many other people would be in the toilets. Wrong. Once one person goes to toilet everyone fucking joins in. I found it very awkward. The second and most recent time was in the science museum in Manchester. They were very spacious toilets but I still found it very uncomfortable when a lone person wandered in and had to listen to me squeezing one out in a horribly silent place. Actually there is a third time! Whilst on the annual sponsored walk I took a wrong turn leading to me being lost, so what did I do? I just shat myself. Pretty embarrassing when I did find my way back to the route and finally arrived back at the school in my soiled state. I cleaned myself up though and borrowed some trousers. I still stank of fucking poop though.

You guys are nuts. I've had so many shits in public (toilets). I really enjoy pooing. I have a nice regular schedule.

I tend to try and avoid pooing in public toilets but it happens from time to time. Had quite a few at school. They think it's a bit weird that I keep coming back after I've left though.

Ryan Taylor wrote: listen to me squeezing one out in a horribly silent place

Courtesy flush

Has anyone suggested going to the cubicle where the seat is up?

Since, in all likelihood, the last user just took a piss.

David O'Donnell wrote:Has anyone suggested going to the cubicle where the seat is up?

Since, in all likelihood, the last user just took a piss.

That's better than the seat being down since, in all likelihood, the seat will be covered in piss.

Edit: Hang on, that was your point wasn't it.

Matt Morrison wrote: I really enjoy pooing

Conor wrote:I hate the pang of fear I get when pooing that I realize I haven't checked whether there's toilet paper, and I quickly look around before I exacerbate things. Luckily, I've always been okay.

Ha ha - last year I was on a stag do in Swansea and we were in a nightclub (called Reflex). I'd already cleared the dancefloor a couple of times with some rank guffs, and decided that I should go poo. There was one cubicle in the gents - and it had no door. The urinals, sinks, everyone who went in (including the bog troll) had a clear view. Needing a crap and not really being overly bothered about such things, I thought "what the hell, if they don't wanna put a door on, they can watch me shit." I dropped my pants, sat down, and was about to let fly when I noticed that there was no bog roll. Somehow I managed to keep it in and leave. Looking back I assume the bog troll may have fed me toilet paper and then expected payment for it, but I'm mighty glad I never had to find out. God knows what I would have done otherwise, judging by the smells it wasn't going to be pretty.

Jon Corby wrote:

Conor wrote:I hate the pang of fear I get when pooing that I realize I haven't checked whether there's toilet paper, and I quickly look around before I exacerbate things. Luckily, I've always been okay.

Ha ha - last year I was on a stag do in Swansea and we were in a nightclub (called Reflex). I'd already cleared the dancefloor a couple of times with some rank guffs, and decided that I should go poo. There was one cubicle in the gents - and it had no door. The urinals, sinks, everyone who went in (including the bog troll) had a clear view. Needing a crap and not really being overly bothered about such things, I thought "what the hell, if they don't wanna put a door on, they can watch me shit." I dropped my pants, sat down, and was about to let fly when I noticed that there was no bog roll. Somehow I managed to keep it in and leave. Looking back I assume the bog troll me have fed me toilet paper and then expected payment for it, but I'm mighty glad I never had to find out. God knows what I would have done otherwise, judging by the smells it wasn't going to be pretty.

Made me smile as an opening for something more... where did you do in the end? Did it ruin your night? Perhaps you just went to another club to do your poo? Tell us, tell us!

I'm glad my opening made you smile. It didn't for many others that night.

Jon Corby wrote:I'm glad my opening made you smile. It didn't for many others that night.

Made me smile as an opening for something more... why didn't it make them smile? Did you receive any humorous reactions? Perhaps you could describe the smell? Tell us, tell us!

Jon O'Neill wrote:

Jon Corby wrote:I'm glad my opening made you smile. It didn't for many others that night.

Made me smile as an opening for something more... why didn't it make them smile? Did you receive any humorous reactions? Perhaps you could describe the smell? Tell us, tell us!

Made me smile as an opening for something more... why did it make you smile? Had you already anticipated some possible answers I might give that would be amusing? Perhaps you're slightly unstable and your emotional responses are just plain unpredictable? Or maybe you just like milking a joke to death? Tell us, tell us!

Jon Corby wrote:

Jon O'Neill wrote:

Jon Corby wrote:I'm glad my opening made you smile. It didn't for many others that night.

Made me smile as an opening for something more... why didn't it make them smile? Did you receive any humorous reactions? Perhaps you could describe the smell? Tell us, tell us!

Made me smile as an opening for something more... why are you smiling? What's making you so happy? Did you have to go to evening classes on how to look like such a massive douche, or does it come to you naturally? Tell us, tell us!

Turns out I was reading the wrong recap!

I don't really understand how people can reach adulthood and still not check that there's bogroll when they go for a shit. It's like accidentally pissing through the gap between the bog and the seat - you realise not to do it. Especially in public bogs, because I would always wipe the seat anyway so would notice (who the fuck just sits straight down on a public toilet seat?) and also I always put paper in the toilet before shitting to avoid the splashback.

When I'm in a populated public toilet I usually hold bog roll up to my anus to muffle any extremely loud noises that must be emitted before solid matter.
Sometimes I ease out the first log nice and gently using the same method and lay it into the water like putting proper posh food gently onto a plate.

Badcock, on the other hand, fucking goes for it.

Matt Morrison wrote:When I'm in a populated public toilet I usually hold bog roll up to my anus to muffle any extremely loud noises that must be emitted before solid matter.
Sometimes I ease out the first log nice and gently using the same method and lay it into the water like putting proper posh food gently onto a plate.

Badcock, on the other hand, fucking goes for it.

I'm with Badcock (not literally, unfortunately). I love making a noise in a public loo, and it always makes me chuckle hearing it from others.

Jon Corby wrote:

Matt Morrison wrote:When I'm in a populated public toilet I usually hold bog roll up to my anus to muffle any extremely loud noises that must be emitted before solid matter.
Sometimes I ease out the first log nice and gently using the same method and lay it into the water like putting proper posh food gently onto a plate.

Badcock, on the other hand, fucking goes for it.

I'm with Badcock (not literally, unfortunately). I love making a noise in a public loo, and it always makes me chuckle hearing it from others.

In the hotel in Leeds after the series 59 final (and a large BoxPizza) the resulting IBS attack caused such a racket the person in the next stall actually congratulated me. Never felt so proud in my whole life.

Hehe. It's funny cos it's poo!

Jon Corby wrote: It makes perfect sense really though - my cock will be far cleaner than my hands whenever I go for a piss. Why make your cock dirty?

Happened to be in Debenhams in Worcester earlier today and they have their range of Christmas tat in (you know the crap stuff for people who have everything or have no interests!). Well, they have a whole book in called 'How To Poo At Work'.

It's about £7, which I think is a bit steep, but I might keep an eye out for it in the post-Xmas sales!

Karen Pearson wrote:Happened to be in Debenhams in Worcester earlier today and they have their range of Christmas tat in (you know the crap stuff for people who have everything or have no interests!). Well, they have a whole book in called 'How To Poo At Work'.

It's about £7, which I think is a bit steep, but I might keep an eye out for it in the post-Xmas sales!

Haha... the way you talk about picking it up in the post-Xmas sales (as opposed to buying it for someone for Xmas as a joke) makes it sound like you actually do need help learning how to poo. To me

Matt Morrison wrote:

Karen Pearson wrote:Happened to be in Debenhams in Worcester earlier today and they have their range of Christmas tat in (you know the crap stuff for people who have everything or have no interests!). Well, they have a whole book in called 'How To Poo At Work'.

It's about £7, which I think is a bit steep, but I might keep an eye out for it in the post-Xmas sales!

Haha... the way you talk about picking it up in the post-Xmas sales (as opposed to buying it for someone for Xmas as a joke) makes it sound like you actually do need help learning how to poo. To me

Ha ha! Yes, I see that now. What I was really thinking was that I could then publish some extracts on here to help those in need of help.

Cubicle ------------Sink-- Sink|
Urinal -------------Hand Dryer|
Urinal Urinal Urinal Urinal Door|
----------------------------
That's a loose layout of the bar (crap diagram, sorry) that I drink in more than any other if I go out on a Sunday. I tend to wear flared pants which often hang down past my shoes. I roll em up to the knees when it's rainy and i'm outdoors (I cycle a fair bit, so do this then when it's dry too as I've grown into the habit of wearing ankle socks only apart from when playing football. The corner urinal always tends to have the least piss underneath it. If I worked there, i'd use the disabled jacks that you have to ask for the key to open, if it wasn't storing a drum kit from that evenings gig (the place is too cramped for disabled people so this toilet often gets used as emergency storage, which is hillarious if someone in a wheelchair does come in).

PS - disabled toilets are generally the best for rolling spliffs and after those kinds of nights i often need a wheelchair to get home.