c4countdown

I'd've described Phil's joke as super, cool and funny (or even super-cool and funny) rather than jolly, so it's probably in the right place.

See below.

Soph K wrote:Couldn't you just have joined this on to Jolly Jokes??

This topic is nearly 3 years old.

Charlie Reams wrote:

Soph K wrote:Couldn't you just have joined this on to Jolly Jokes??

This topic is nearly 3 years old.

I was just about to say that.

Thomas Carey wrote:

Charlie Reams wrote:

Soph K wrote:Couldn't you just have joined this on to Jolly Jokes??

This topic is nearly 3 years old.

I was just about to say that.

That comment is nearly 3 days old.

Ryan Taylor wrote:

Thomas Carey wrote:

Charlie Reams wrote:This topic is nearly 3 years old.

I was just about to say that.

That comment is nearly 3 days old.

I wasn't just about to say that.

Woman goes to see the doctor about losing weight, and he suggests doing some exercise.
"What sort should I do?"
"Start by just shaking your head"
"How often?"
"Every time someone offers you cake."

How multiple-like is the capital of Libya?
It's Triple-y.

I've just read that the London 2012 Paralympic prices have been revealed. The prices to spectate aren't too bad, but apparently if you want to compete it will cost you an arm and a leg.

Some awesome jokes here:





1. I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately


needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.


2. A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“


3. A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."


4. doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”.

“Oh dear, what's the bad news?” asks the patient.

The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.”

“That's terrible”, said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?”

The doctor replies, “I've been trying to contact you since yesterday.”



Pretty hilarious, hey?

Q: What do you call a twat who orders gay pancakes and Fillpots of beer with his curry?

A: Toby Paratha.

Jon Corby wrote:Q: What do you call a twat who orders gay pancakes and Fillpots of beer with his curry?

A: Toby Paratha.

xpln plz

Ian Volante wrote:

Jon Corby wrote:Q: What do you call a twat who orders gay pancakes and Fillpots of beer with his curry?

A: Toby Paratha.

xpln plz

Sorry yeah, it should have said "non-alcoholic beer" instead of just "beer".

Jon Corby wrote:

Ian Volante wrote:

Jon Corby wrote:Q: What do you call a twat who orders gay pancakes and Fillpots of beer with his curry?

A: Toby Paratha.

xpln plz

Sorry yeah, it should have said "non-alcoholic beer" instead of just "beer".

I'm just guessing there's a famous person with a name vaguely similar to Toby Paratha that would make this droll, right?

Current favourite:

Where maths is concerned people fall into 10 categories - those who understand binary, and those who don't.

But if you want a proper joke, try this:


A Roman Catholic priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on a train.

After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, 'Is it still a requirement of your faith that you do not eat pork?'
The rabbi responded, 'Yes, that is still one of our laws.'
The priest then asked, 'Have you ever eaten pork?'
The rabbi replied, 'Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich.'
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.

A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, 'Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?'
The priest replied, 'Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.'
So the rabbi asked, 'Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?'
The priest replied, 'Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith.'
The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five minutes.

Finally, the rabbi turned back to the priest and said:



'Beats the shit out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?'

Bumped into a transvestite in Manchester yesterday...





...






He had a wig 'n' a dress.

What's worse than finding a maggot in a courgette?

Finding a maggot in half a courgette.

Jon O'Neill wrote: ↑Wed Oct 12, 2011 2:51 pm Bumped into a transvestite in Manchester yesterday...





...






He had a wig 'n' a dress.

Still don't get this.

Ian Volante wrote: ↑Sun Jan 02, 2022 11:57 pm

Jon O'Neill wrote: ↑Wed Oct 12, 2011 2:51 pm Bumped into a transvestite in Manchester yesterday...





...






He had a wig 'n' a dress.

Still don't get this.

Wig 'n' a dress/Wigan address

Elliott Mellor wrote: ↑Mon Jan 03, 2022 9:38 am

Ian Volante wrote: ↑Sun Jan 02, 2022 11:57 pm

Jon O'Neill wrote: ↑Wed Oct 12, 2011 2:51 pm Bumped into a transvestite in Manchester yesterday...

...

He had a wig 'n' a dress.

Still don't get this.

Wig 'n' a dress/Wigan address

I thought it might be something like that. But...it's just not doing it for me.

Ian Volante wrote: ↑Mon Jan 03, 2022 11:14 am

Elliott Mellor wrote: ↑Mon Jan 03, 2022 9:38 am

Ian Volante wrote: ↑Sun Jan 02, 2022 11:57 pm

Still don't get this.

Wig 'n' a dress/Wigan address

I thought it might be something like that. But...it's just not doing it for me.

Yeah, that is rubbish.

Diego my Spanish friend asked me what shouldn't you wear with sandalls I said socks.
S-o-c-k-s,,he replied.
I said there is no need to spell it though

Marc Meakin wrote: ↑Mon Jan 03, 2022 2:13 pm Diego my Spanish friend asked me what shouldn't you wear with sandalls I said socks.
S-o-c-k-s,,he replied.
I said there is no need to spell it though

I had absolutely no idea what you were talking about. Then I found this.

I think it needs work.

Gavin Chipper wrote: ↑Mon Jan 03, 2022 2:33 pm

Marc Meakin wrote: ↑Mon Jan 03, 2022 2:13 pm Diego my Spanish friend asked me what shouldn't you wear with sandalls I said socks.
S-o-c-k-s,,he replied.
I said there is no need to spell it though

I had absolutely no idea what you were talking about. Then I found this.

I think it needs work.

It's what I like to call a deconstructed joke