Apterous World Cup - Group Stages - Fixtures & Results

Phil Makepeace · Post by **Phil Makepeace** » Wed Jun 09, 2010 11:54 pm

Honduras 4-7 Chile

When Chile didn't risk PEATIEST in the opening exchanges, it looked like being a tense affair. Mark Lawrenson even went as far as to call the Chileans "cowards", whereas Mark Bright just sat there and mispronounced Maynor Figueroa.

However, GLIOMAS and an elegant 4 large solution were too hot for Honduras and put a big dent in their hopes. And so it continued, with Chile sealing their first win in the group and setting up a virtual qualification play-off with Switzerland.

Meanwhile, Wilson Palacios was heard telling Ray Stubbs "I'll be getting my hat and coat, then."

Andy Wilson · Post by **Andy Wilson** » Thu Jun 10, 2010 1:21 am

Phil Makepeace wrote: and put a big dent in their hopes.

Hard luck Ian, you've fallen, but landed hond-ur-as, so at least you're sitting down. Good luck in the copa aptomerica! (patent pending)

Phil Makepeace wrote: with Chile sealing their first win in the group and setting up a virtual qualification play-off with Switzerland.

Good luck lads!

Andy Wilson · Post by **Andy Wilson** » Thu Jun 10, 2010 1:27 am

james doohan wrote:Group C Result

http://www.apterous.org/viewgame.php?game=253631

Algeria 6 - 6 Slovenia

And a few practice penalties afterwards, fair play! Good game lads, Randier radiance gouge wife. Tense stuff!

Charlie Reams · Post by **Charlie Reams** » Thu Jun 10, 2010 2:04 pm

United States 7 - 5 Slovenia.

The US pinched an advantage just before half time, when Slovenia's tactical error allowed for an easy opener. The sides were evenly matched thereafter, until a decent long-range effort gave the Americans the win shortly before the end. A good clean game from both sides.

Marc Meakin · Post by **Marc Meakin** » Thu Jun 10, 2010 2:13 pm

Charlie Reams wrote:United States 7 - 5 Slovenia.

The US pinched an advantage just before half time, when Slovenia's tactical error allowed for an easy opener. The sides were evenly matched thereafter, until a decent long-range effort gave the Americans the win shortly before the end. A good clean game from both sides.

Good result, for England too.

Matt Morrison · Post by **Matt Morrison** » Thu Jun 10, 2010 2:21 pm

Congratulations to Group B for being the only bunch of shits not to play any games yet. The tension is unbearable.

Charlie Reams · Post by **Charlie Reams** » Thu Jun 10, 2010 2:28 pm

United States 7 - 5 Algeria

The US took an early lead with a sluttier* surtitle, and maintained the gap until the closing moments when they doubled their advantage, cementing their first max game of the tournament. Sadly this defeat puts the Algerian heroes on the plane home.

Matt Morrison · Post by **Matt Morrison** » Thu Jun 10, 2010 2:31 pm

And thus congratulations are now afforded to all members of Group C, being that they are the first bunch of shits to complete all their group games. Nice work you lot!

Michael Wallace · Post by **Michael Wallace** » Thu Jun 10, 2010 2:33 pm

Matt Morrison wrote:And thus congratulations are now afforded to all members of Group C, being that they are the first bunch of shits to complete all their group games. Nice work you lot!

Oi - do I not get any congratulations for being the first team knocked out? Ungrateful bastard

Andy Wilson · Post by **Andy Wilson** » Thu Jun 10, 2010 3:07 pm

http://www.apterous.org/viewgame.php?game=254016

DIFFERENT CLASS BEVINS TEACHES WILSON LESSON

North Korea 1 - 7 Brazil !!

Ouch. That lesson was, when you think you should have coffee before you play Kirk, follow your instinct. Little too stressed to try and live up to yesterday's match report tbh. I noticed after delaying the kick off to go to the shops to get coffee that my housemate's espresso maker was not on the stove... then i realised his computer and guitar were also gone... alarm bells. You see, our lease is up next week and i suspect he's trying to do a runner without sorting me out with his share of the bills. Arsehole.

So with this realisation dawning on me, I noticed the challenge on screen and we played the game, with a caffeinated Kirk convincingly kicking korean keester. At 3-1 down i had the perfect chance to get back in the match in round 4 with Kirk missing the available 8s, but all I could muster was a misspelt seven and it was all over bar the trouncing. Wouldn't have mattered anyway as Kirk maxed the rest of the game and I managed to fluff the last numbers to make it probably the most one sided game of the tournament so far i guess? Well played Kirk.

Then I found coffee filters in the back of the press, cut the top off an empty bottle of Mi-wadi and made me a coffee McGyver stylie, which worked at the second attempt, where I used 3 filters! Mmmm. Now to chase this dodgy housemate...

Matt Morrison · Post by **Matt Morrison** » Thu Jun 10, 2010 3:22 pm

Tough stuff Andy! Thanks for being such a good sport that you still posted a very decent review though!
Also, take pride in the fact that you actually probably did slightly better than your respective real-life footballing counterparts would have done in the same match!

James Doohan · Post by **James Doohan** » Thu Jun 10, 2010 4:14 pm

Was watching this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9L9rj4s ... r_embedded

and now I wish it had already started, hope y'all enjoy it

Ian Dent · Post by **Ian Dent** » Thu Jun 10, 2010 4:26 pm

Rubbish

Marc Meakin · Post by **Marc Meakin** » Thu Jun 10, 2010 4:36 pm

james doohan wrote:Was watching this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9L9rj4s ... r_embedded

and now I wish it had already started, hope y'all enjoy it

Awesome song.

Hugh Binnie · Post by **Hugh Binnie** » Thu Jun 10, 2010 7:26 pm

Australia 5 - 5 Serbia.

The Australians started off impressively to take an early lead before a couple of slip-ups allowed the Serbians to equalize and then take the lead. But, showing impressive fighting spirit, Australia scored a last-minute equalizer to set up a must-win game against the highly impressive Germany.

Stuart Arnot · Post by **Stuart Arnot** » Thu Jun 10, 2010 7:31 pm

Australia 5 - 6 Germany

But it was not to be. The Germans remained unbribed, and hope to have put that nasty business with Austria in '82 behind them. As the German fans down Riesling in the streets of Durban, the players look forward to a last 16 grudge match with England.

Eoin Monaghan · Post by **Eoin Monaghan** » Thu Jun 10, 2010 7:37 pm

As I know I am to play Stuart in the next round, can we play our game? Or would that fudge it up?

Andy Wilson · Post by **Andy Wilson** » Thu Jun 10, 2010 8:16 pm

Patience Eoin! Let the players have some downtime with their wags and head back to the hotel and analyse the videos of Germany's group matches!

Eoin Monaghan · Post by **Eoin Monaghan** » Thu Jun 10, 2010 8:32 pm

Lol, the press has been bombarding the hotel so much that they caused a riot and damaged the hotel so the players have to sleep with the hobos on the street and wish to get out of there as possible. So if they don't win, it's definitely not because of that, and if we lose, we won't blame it on that, won't, promise.

Kai Laddiman · Post by **Kai Laddiman** » Thu Jun 10, 2010 8:42 pm

Stuart Arnot wrote:Australia 5 - 6 Germany

But it was not to be. The Germans remained unbribed, and hope to have put that nasty business with Austria in '82 behind them. As the German fans down Riesling in the streets of Durban, the players look forward to a last 16 grudge match with England.

(Edit: what bribe?)

Matt Morrison · Post by **Matt Morrison** » Thu Jun 10, 2010 9:07 pm

Thanks for the results guys, and yeah definitely PLEASE do not play any knockout stage matches yet - would be much better for the tension and fun of the competition if we can get excited about things as they go on in stages. Don't worry, shouldn't be more than a couple of days of waiting at the most.

Liam Tiernan · Post by **Liam Tiernan** » Thu Jun 10, 2010 9:09 pm

Final Group H results:
Switzerland 6-5 Honduras http://www.apterous.org/viewgame.php?game=253251

The Swiss got the better of the early JOUST, while another fine effort on the stroke of half-time left things looking GRIM for Honduras.A late surge from the Central American side threatened to IMPEDE Switzerlands progress, leading to a tense final few minutes in which both sides scored to give the Alpiners victory by the narrowest of margins.

Chile 4-7 Switzerland http://www.apterous.org/viewgame.php?game=254178

With Chile needing only a draw to progress, a surprise move from leftfield by the Swiss midway through the first half (copied from a friendly only days earlier) left the South Americans outlook SMEARED. Shortly after half-time came the turning point of the game, La Rojas missing an open goal which would prove to be their UNDOING. Switzerland swiftly replied at the other end, while the men in red had a goal disallowed for offside. A further infringement late in the half served only to HASTEN the end, leaving the Swiss to run out comfortable winners and set up a second round tie against the winners of Group G.

Karen Pearson · Post by **Karen Pearson** » Fri Jun 11, 2010 1:17 pm

The final match in Group E is scheduled to take place at 9pm tonight. This is between Japan and Cameroon to decide the runner-up spot in the group.

The Cameroon team have had plenty of competitive games recently to ensure they are in tip-top condition. The Japanese on the other hand may be resorting to a glass of sake beforehand to calm their nerves.

Will the Japanese have the strength to hold off those big boys from Cameroon?

Kirk Bevins · Post by **Kirk Bevins** » Fri Jun 11, 2010 5:47 pm

Portugal were meant to play Brazil today at 1pm but it was called off at short notice due to flash flooding of the pitch (apterous died). The Portugal team then had to go and visit their parents for the weekend. The match will take place some time next week. Apologies to the thousands of spectators who paid £30 to watch - send refund applications to Dinos Sfyris.

Karen Pearson · Post by **Karen Pearson** » Fri Jun 11, 2010 8:54 pm

http://www.apterous.org/viewgame.php?ke ... 8374999760

Japan 4 - 7 Cameroon

After an afternoon on the golf course and a couple of glasses of wine, the Japanese got off to a very poor start drawing a BLANK. The big, strong Cameroon players proved too strong for the smaller-framed Japanese and went into the break 3-1 up.

Despite a stern half time talk from their manager, the Japanese continued where they left off, scoring a bit of an own goal by thinking that JULIENAS was a real word whereas it's actually a wine-producing region of France (fancy the Japanese manager making that mistake!!).
In the meantime, there was nothing MENIAL about the Cameroon attack which continued relentlessly.

Despite a a bit of a recovery by the Japanese, there was nothing they could do to salvage the game as the Cameroonians continued their faultless game, not putting a foot wrong all match. Definitely a team to watch out for in the knockout stage!

And thus the Japanese BOW out of the tournament.

Ben Hunter · Post by **Ben Hunter** » Sat Jun 12, 2010 10:53 am

I've not had much access to the internets this week, but I'll play my group game with Ryan as soon as.

Matt Morrison · Post by **Matt Morrison** » Sat Jun 12, 2010 11:00 am

Ben Hunter wrote:I've not had much access to the internets this week, but I'll play my group game with Ryan as soon as.

Nice one Monsieur. Ryan's the weakest link here, having played NO GAMES like some kind of BLOUSE. I was just looking at group tables and noted that all the 'favourites' (i.e. in terms of the actual football teams, not the apterous players) are going through, but Uruguay could still pull off a big upset in the group over France so this match is huge.

Ryan Taylor · Post by **Ryan Taylor** » Sat Jun 12, 2010 11:06 am

Matt Morrison wrote:
Ben Hunter wrote:I've not had much access to the internets this week, but I'll play my group game with Ryan as soon as.
Nice one Monsieur. Ryan's the weakest link here, having played NO GAMES like some kind of BLOUSE. I was just looking at group tables and noted that all the 'favourites' (i.e. in terms of the actual football teams, not the apterous players) are going through, but Uruguay could still pull off a big upset in the group over France so this match is huge.

I was waiting to get into the spirit of the competition! Will play my 3 games over this weekend if possible!! COME ON URUGUAY YOU FUCKING ANIMALS!

Ben Wilson · Post by **Ben Wilson** » Sat Jun 12, 2010 1:01 pm

Mexico 5-4 Urgay

The mighty Mexican warriors made a thunderous start going 2-0 up but over-indulged over half-time allowing Uruguay to pull one back. Mistakes from both sides left it tight going into the dying minutes and the risky 6-small strategy nearly cost the Mexicans the game, but was enough in the end to hang on, extending the unbeaten streak to 3 wins!

Eoin Monaghan · Post by **Eoin Monaghan** » Sat Jun 12, 2010 3:02 pm

Brilliant avatar Ryan!

Screw the tournament, you win for sheer enthusiasm.

Ryan Taylor · Post by **Ryan Taylor** » Sat Jun 12, 2010 3:44 pm

Eoin Monaghan wrote:Brilliant avatar Ryan!

Screw the tournament, you win for sheer enthusiasm.

Ha! I spent £13 on that shit and I'm probably not gonna get through the groups!

Matt Morrison · Post by **Matt Morrison** » Sat Jun 12, 2010 4:07 pm

Ryan Taylor wrote:
Eoin Monaghan wrote:Brilliant avatar Ryan!

Screw the tournament, you win for sheer enthusiasm.
Ha! I spent £13 on that shit and I'm probably not gonna get through the groups!

Shit I didn't even realise that was you at first Ry Ry! Have you got a full sized version on FB? I want to like it.

Also, £13 for two hand flags, face paints and a massive wearable-sized flag is pretty good value. Same set of goods probably costs you twice as much with England colours on 'em.

Ryan Taylor · Post by **Ryan Taylor** » Sat Jun 12, 2010 5:58 pm

Matt Morrison wrote:
Ryan Taylor wrote:
Eoin Monaghan wrote:Brilliant avatar Ryan!

Screw the tournament, you win for sheer enthusiasm.
Ha! I spent £13 on that shit and I'm probably not gonna get through the groups!
Shit I didn't even realise that was you at first Ry Ry! Have you got a full sized version on FB? I want to like it.

Also, £13 for two hand flags, face paints and a massive wearable-sized flag is pretty good value. Same set of goods probably costs you twice as much with England colours on 'em.

Sadly I deleted the full sized one. Is there anyway to get things out of the recycle bin after cleaning it? Or do I have to be ridiculous again and secretly adorn face paint and Uruguay flags to save me from the embarrassment of explaining what I am doing when my family asks?

Andy Wilson · Post by **Andy Wilson** » Sat Jun 12, 2010 9:59 pm

Look, if they catch you, just tell them you're being awesome!

Dinos Sfyris · Post by **Dinos Sfyris** » Sun Jun 13, 2010 8:57 am

Ryan Taylor wrote:Or do I have to be ridiculous again and secretly adorn face paint and Uruguay flags to save me from the embarrassment of explaining what I am doing when my family asks?

Yeah they might be worried that you're playing for the other team.

ie ur a guay

David O'Donnell · Post by **David O'Donnell** » Sun Jun 13, 2010 11:28 am

Quite a lot of people have been saying Ryan is gay recently, I am convinced.

Matt Morrison · Post by **Matt Morrison** » Sun Jun 13, 2010 11:51 am

The following matches have not yet been played (as of 8pm Sunday June 13th). Get on with it bitches!

Uncompleted Group Stage Matches

Group A

Uruguay (Ryan Taylor) -

France (Ben Hunter)

Group B

Argentina (Oliver Garner) -

Nigeria (Lloyd Pettet)

Korea Republic (Niall Seymour) -

Greece (Jon O'Neill)

Argentina (Oliver Garner) -

Korea Republic (Niall Seymour)

Greece (Jon O'Neill) -

Nigeria (Lloyd Pettet)

Nigeria (Lloyd Pettet) -

Korea Republic (Niall Seymour)

Greece (Jon O'Neill) -

Argentina (Oliver Garner)

Group F

New Zealand (Heather Badcock) -

Slovakia (Tom Rowell)

Slovakia (Tom Rowell) -

Paraguay (Matt Morrison)

Slovakia (Tom Rowell) -

Italy (Edward McCullagh)

Group G

Portugal (Dinos Sfyris) -

Brazil (Kirk Bevins)

Come on Group B.
Seriously, that's an order. Do semen all over them if they don't play.

Dinos Sfyris · Post by **Dinos Sfyris** » Sun Jun 13, 2010 12:22 pm

Ivory Coast 5 - 7 Portugal

One down. Playing Andy Wilson now

Dinos Sfyris · Post by **Dinos Sfyris** » Sun Jun 13, 2010 12:41 pm

Shock victory for North Korea!

Korea DPR 6 - 5 Portugal

I made some awful decisions re UNMIXED and FLUKEY but Andy by far outplayed me and deserved the win with a beauty spot of BEHOLDER. The Portugal-Brazil affair will now be all the more crucial hopefully to be played this Tuesday?

JimBentley · Post by **JimBentley** » Sun Jun 13, 2010 12:42 pm

Group G: Ivory Coast 5-7 Portugal

Ivory Coast manager Sven Goran Eriksson made several cryptic comments in the press conference following his team's loss - which effectively ends their campaign - in Group G today.

"You know, I made it with Ulrika once? Ulrika Jonsson, she was on Gladiators. She was pretty hot and we used to love to fuck in the hot tub."

When questioned by journalists about his tactics in the match, Eriksson said "Of course, Faria Alam was much dirtier than Ulrika and liked to do some things that I did not like. But a good relationship is about give and take."

Many reporters were keen to learn of the former England manager's plans following the tournament, but he would not be pressed. "Nancy always liked me to do her in the ass," he said, "but I find that sort of thing is not really my thing."

Portugal face Brazil on Monday in what looks to be an exciting 1st/2nd decider in the group.

Dinos Sfyris · Post by **Dinos Sfyris** » Sun Jun 13, 2010 12:50 pm

A-LOL! ^This is why Jim Bentley is a leg end

Charlie Reams · Post by **Charlie Reams** » Sun Jun 13, 2010 12:54 pm

JimBentley wrote:Group G: Ivory Coast 5-7 Portugal

Ivory Coast manager Sven Goran Eriksson made several cryptic comments in the press conference following his team's loss - which effectively ends their campaign - in Group G today.

"You know, I made it with Ulrika once? Ulrika Jonsson, she was on Gladiators. She was pretty hot and we used to love to fuck in the hot tub."

When questioned by journalists about his tactics in the match, Eriksson said "Of course, Faria Alam was much dirtier than Ulrika and liked to do some things that I did not like. But a good relationship is about give and take."

Many reporters were keen to learn of the former England manager's plans following the tournament, but he would not be pressed. "Nancy always liked me to do her in the ass," he said, "but I find that sort of thing is not really my thing."

Portugal face Brazil on Monday in what looks to be an exciting 1st/2nd decider in the group.

Best match report ever.

Ryan Taylor · Post by **Ryan Taylor** » Sun Jun 13, 2010 1:13 pm

South Africa 5 - 6 Uruguay

Close game.

Lloyd Pettet · Post by **Lloyd Pettet** » Sun Jun 13, 2010 8:41 pm

Nigeria 6 - 6 Greece

V close game, was chuffed with the draw in the end!

Argentina 6 - 4 Nigeria
disappointing RD 6 lost the game, meant I had to go for a difficult (and impossible) numbers! Well done Ollie

tomrowell · Post by **tomrowell** » Sun Jun 13, 2010 10:28 pm

Slovakia 5-7 Italy
http://www.apterous.org/viewgame.php?game=255762

A fine display of attacking talent saw the italians overcome a very defensive slovakian outfit

Charlie Reams · Post by **Charlie Reams** » Sun Jun 13, 2010 10:40 pm

Of the 6 games so far which have been played in both the real World Cup and the Apterous World Cup, three have had the same result (Argentina - Nigeria, England - USA, Germany - Australia) and three have not (Mexico - South Africa, Slovenia - Algeria, Ghana - Serbia). More fascinating facts like these as both competitions unfold!

Matt Morrison · Post by **Matt Morrison** » Mon Jun 14, 2010 1:23 am

The following matches have not yet been played (as of 2:30am Monday June 14th). Almost there!

Uncompleted Group Stage Matches

Group A

Uruguay (Ryan Taylor) -

France (Ben Hunter)

Group B

Korea Republic (Niall Seymour) -

Greece (Jon O'Neill)

Group F

New Zealand (Heather Badcock) -

Slovakia (Tom Rowell)

Slovakia (Tom Rowell) -

Paraguay (Matt Morrison)

Group G

Portugal (Dinos Sfyris) -

Brazil (Kirk Bevins)

Charlie Reams · Post by **Charlie Reams** » Mon Jun 14, 2010 8:05 am

Exciting stuff!

Andy Wilson · Post by **Andy Wilson** » Mon Jun 14, 2010 8:30 am

Sorry to drag up the German anthem again, but, and I was pretty drunk at the time, I think i heard RTE commentator Stephen Alkin announce their anthem as, 'Deutschland Deutschland uber alles' last night!

James Doohan · Post by **James Doohan** » Mon Jun 14, 2010 10:02 am

Andy Wilson wrote:Sorry to drag up the German anthem again, but, and I was pretty drunk at the time, I think i heard RTE commentator Stephen Alkin announce their anthem as, 'Deutschland Deutschland uber alles' last night!

Thats exactly what he said

Marc Meakin · Post by **Marc Meakin** » Mon Jun 14, 2010 10:56 am

Charlie Reams wrote:Of the 6 games so far which have been played in both the real World Cup and the Apterous World Cup, three have had the same result (Argentina - Nigeria, England - USA, Germany - Australia) and three have not (Mexico - South Africa, Slovenia - Algeria, Ghana - Serbia). More fascinating facts like these as both competitions unfold!

Certainly better than my crystal ball, although I did get the South Korea v Greece result spot on.

Ryan Taylor · Post by **Ryan Taylor** » Mon Jun 14, 2010 5:46 pm

Uruguay 7 - 4 France
With Uruguay knowing only a win would see them in the knockouts they were fired up for this 2nd place decider with France.

Their tactic was to go for broke from the start. When faced with an open goal Forlan chose to bicycle kick the ball home rather than head it in to take the lead. Then on the stroke of half time France capitulated as Ireland's favourite black Frenchie, Thierry Henry, handled the ball in his own box letting Forlan step up to the spot and complete his hat-trick to put Uruguay 2 goals in front.

They went on to score another to make the scoreline slightly emphatic and at the final whistle the Uruguayans(?) went mental. They storm through to the knockout stages for the first time in 20 years.

Jon O'Neill · Post by **Jon O'Neill** » Mon Jun 14, 2010 6:09 pm

South Korea 4-6 Greece

Ben Hunter · Post by **Ben Hunter** » Mon Jun 14, 2010 6:13 pm

I blame the jabulani, the vuvuzelas and the bribe I took off Ryan before the game started.

tomrowell · Post by **tomrowell** » Mon Jun 14, 2010 6:20 pm

Paraguay 3-6 Slovakia

Ryan Taylor · Post by **Ryan Taylor** » Mon Jun 14, 2010 6:38 pm

Ben Hunter wrote:I blame the jabulani, the vuvuzelas and the bribe I took off Ryan before the game started.

We didn't even use a jabulani ball and there were no vuvuzelas.

Eoin Monaghan · Post by **Eoin Monaghan** » Mon Jun 14, 2010 8:06 pm

Just 2 games left!

Kirk Bevins · Post by **Kirk Bevins** » Mon Jun 14, 2010 10:23 pm

Brazil play Portugal tomorrow (Tuesday). Kick off is at 1pm.

Matt Morrison · Post by **Matt Morrison** » Tue Jun 15, 2010 1:34 am

The following matches have not yet been played (as of 2:30am Tuesday June 15th).

Uncompleted Group Stage Matches

Group G

Portugal (Dinos Sfyris) -

Brazil (Kirk Bevins)

Kirk Bevins · Post by **Kirk Bevins** » Tue Jun 15, 2010 12:10 pm

The final game of the Group Stage was played today, Portugal needing to be within about 4 of Brazil to go through.

Portugal 6 - 7 Brazil.

Round 2 was a little embarrassing for both parties and Brazil has missed ELEVATOR before on 3/3 occasions. They never learn.

Well done all.