Can any of you help me write a film?

[Matthew Green]

Im currently making my 4th amateur film and finally have some decent actors and a bit of a budget to work with. But Im stuck with the plot and need some inspiration from some gifted minds. The film is an seedy dark comedy with a non-linear plotline and lots of twists- a bit like a cross between Pulp Fiction, 11:14 and Back to the future 2.
Heres the 2 scenes I need help with:

-A guy is tied up at a train station and has to escape before someone gets there. How could he escape in a dramatic and humourous way?

-Someone is out filming their friends doing jackass stunts. He notices something in the distance and ends up filming something shocking which ends up with the person he films giving chase and trying desperately to get the tape back. Can you think of what he captures on the tape, something other than a plain old murder? Something really unusual, really sickening but also quite funny?

[Jon Corby]

Is this porn?

[John Bosley]

-A guy is tied up at a train station and has to escape before someone gets there. How could he escape in a dramatic and humourous way?

He is tied up by a butcher who uses sausage skins to bind his hands. On the opposite platform are two starving dogs tied to a railing having been abandoned for xmas. He knows they would eat through his bindings but he cannot get across the line because he is tied to a post with a long rope. As a non-stopping train is about to pass through the station he jumps off the platform and lies down on the empty line opposite. (When filming make sure to get this right!)
The train flies by and cuts through the rope. He struggles up onto the other platform and chats nicely to the starving dogs (he is a dog expert). They eat through his sausage skin tie ups and he runs off just in time to escape his pursuers - who are then atttacked by the hungry doggies.
Please give my share of the profits to RSPCA

[John Bosley]

-Someone is out filming their friends doing jackass stunts. He notices something in the distance and ends up filming something shocking which ends up with the person he films giving chase and trying desperately to get the tape back. Can you think of what he captures on the tape, something other than a plain old murder? Something really unusual, really sickening but also quite funny?

Why I am into dogs I do not know. Don't like them particularly and don't have one. Anyway this could involve one of the guys in the scene above - or not. Briefly we have a police sergeant dog handler in the park doing something very rude with his doggie. End of story.

[Michael Wallace]

I reckon for the first one you have him tied up with combination padlocks, each with 9 dials, each with certain letters on, with each padlock having only one unique combination of dials that produces a 9 letter word (no plurals, proper nouns or american spellings). Fortunately your man knows Kirk Bevins, superstar, and uses the Bev-signal, which is stored in his trousers and activated by his groin, who swoops down to save the day.

[Matthew Green]

-A guy is tied up at a train station and has to escape before someone gets there. How could he escape in a dramatic and humourous way?

He is tied up by a butcher who uses sausage skins to bind his hands. On the opposite platform are two starving dogs tied to a railing having been abandoned for xmas. He knows they would eat through his bindings but he cannot get across the line because he is tied to a post with a long rope. As a non-stopping train is about to pass through the station he jumps off the platform and lies down on the empty line opposite. (When filming make sure to get this right!)
The train flies by and cuts through the rope. He struggles up onto the other platform and chats nicely to the starving dogs (he is a dog expert). They eat through his sausage skin tie ups and he runs off just in time to escape his pursuers - who are then atttacked by the hungry doggies.
Please give my share of the profits to RSPCA

Quite clever, but lying down on a railway track or holding a rope across it would literally land me in jail.

[John Bosley]

Well you would not actually do it.
- a train is filmed thundering towards the camera and then flashing by and then disappearinging into the distance
- another shot, or two, is taken, perhaps on a disused railway or not on a railway line at all but with clever camera angle of a tied up man jumping - need I go on --- no. I realise my ideas are bollocks anyway.

[Jason Larsen]

Why don't you tie him up to a chain of ravenous people and then force them to eat haggis?

[Matthew Green]

One thing I will defeniately be doing is using the name Ecclesiastes Myanmar for one of my characters

[Jason Larsen]

Ecclesiastes Myanmar is tied up to a group of ravenous people and they are forced to eat haggis!

That has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?