Countdowners with Toasters

Joseph Krol · Post by **Joseph Krol** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 11:07 am

This is a thread for people to discuss toasters, following the moderate success of my microwave thread.

Ryan Taylor · Post by **Ryan Taylor** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 11:18 am

I never thought I'd see that day when a toaster thread popped up.

Joseph Krol · Post by **Joseph Krol** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 11:23 am

Ryan Taylor wrote:I never thought I'd see that day when a toaster thread popped up.

Lol at the joke.

Ian Volante · Post by **Ian Volante** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 12:16 pm

Ryan Taylor wrote:I never thought I'd see that day when a toaster thread popped up.

Makes me a bit browned off.

Andy Wilson · Post by **Andy Wilson** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 12:19 pm

I thought about proposing a toast thread before.

Gavin Chipper · Post by **Gavin Chipper** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 1:35 pm

Won't be long before this thread is brown bread.

Joseph Krol · Post by **Joseph Krol** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 2:09 pm

Gavin Chipper wrote:Won't be long before this thread is brown bread.

Brown bread is putrid.

Lesley Hines · Post by **Lesley Hines** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 2:51 pm

I think everyone's due a grilling.

Josh Hurst · Post by **Josh Hurst** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 2:55 pm

The toaster we have at uni is shit. The slots are way to narrow and shallow. We generally buy Warburtons toastie bread, as we make more toast than regular sandwiches. As some of you may know, the dimensions of this bread are slightly different to most loaves, being slightly longer in the Y and narrower in the X (the X may be the same as others, but the added length in the Y to me shortens the X). The added effect of the dimensions of the toasting slot and the bread mean that: a) If I try to insert the bread sideways (long axis horizontal), it simply doesn't fit, and b) if I insert the bread normally, roughly 1/4 pokes out of the top. I therefore have to take it out at a point, turn it over and try to guess when it will be done. However, this always causes the central portion to be twice as toastie as the outer quarters. so my toast will always end up being a bit shit. I suppose I could change bread, but then it would just be shit anyway because nothing is as good as Warburtons toastie.

Matt Morrison · Post by **Matt Morrison** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 2:58 pm

Josh Hurst wrote:I suppose I could change bread

They sell toasters. Fact.

Ryan Taylor · Post by **Ryan Taylor** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 3:17 pm

The only gripe I have with the toaster at my uni house is that it has 2 slots and I always eat toast in 4 slices. This means just having to do 2 at a time then another 2 straight after meaning the first 2 cool down a bit. But I quite like cold toast so it's sort of win win really. Don't have this problem at home though as we have a 4 slot toaster. I'm eagerly awaiting the kettle thread though as I have some slagging off to do on the one I got from Argos. I think I could generate more heat myself in the time it took for it to boil some water.

Ian Volante · Post by **Ian Volante** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 3:23 pm

Ryan Taylor wrote:The only gripe I have with the toaster at my uni house is that it has 2 slots and I always eat toast in 4 slices. This means just having to do 2 at a time then another 2 straight after meaning the first 2 cool down a bit. But I quite like cold toast so it's sort of win win really. Don't have this problem at home though as we have a 4 slot toaster. I'm eagerly awaiting the kettle thread though as I have some slagging off to do on the one I got from Argos. I think I could generate more heat myself in the time it took for it to boil some water.

I'd suggest buttering and eating the first two while the second two cook. But then it turns out you weren't whinging, even though you were. SORT IT OUT.

Ryan Taylor · Post by **Ryan Taylor** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 3:34 pm

Ian Volante wrote:
Ryan Taylor wrote:The only gripe I have with the toaster at my uni house is that it has 2 slots and I always eat toast in 4 slices. This means just having to do 2 at a time then another 2 straight after meaning the first 2 cool down a bit. But I quite like cold toast so it's sort of win win really. Don't have this problem at home though as we have a 4 slot toaster. I'm eagerly awaiting the kettle thread though as I have some slagging off to do on the one I got from Argos. I think I could generate more heat myself in the time it took for it to boil some water.
I'd suggest buttering and eating the first two while the second two cook. But then it turns out you weren't whinging, even though you were. SORT IT OUT.

I thought somebody would suggest this but I just don't like to do it because it feels wrong. I like to get all 4 pieces done and buttered and then sit down and eat them all. Plus, I only lightly toast my bread so I wouldn't ever have eaten both slices before the next two were ready to be buttered so it would just be annoying. This forum is fast becoming a place dominated by discussion about eating habits and food and I'm not sure that's a great direction to be going in.

Joseph Krol · Post by **Joseph Krol** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 3:42 pm

I normally have 2 slices at a time. Some of Ryan's comments remind me of a puzzle I once did, where a guy had about 10 things to toast and he liked them all toasted for different times, and you had to work out the lowest time he would have to spend toasting if he had a four slot toaster. Will have a look for it so I can post it on here.

Matt Morrison · Post by **Matt Morrison** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 3:43 pm

Ryan Taylor wrote:This forum is fast becoming a place dominated by discussion about eating habits and food and I'm not sure that's a great direction to be going in.

What?!

Gavin Chipper · Post by **Gavin Chipper** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 3:44 pm

What you do is take out the first two before they're fully toasted and then toast the other two. Then put the first two back in, but it won't need to be for very long. You could even extend this further.

Michael Wallace · Post by **Michael Wallace** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 3:48 pm

I can't stand cold toast, can't imagine eating 4 slices from a 2-slot toaster, horrible. When I make jam on toast I have to get everything out ready so that the moment the toast is done I can slap on the butter, slap on the jam, and get it in my face before it's gone cold. Nightmare.

Ryan Taylor · Post by **Ryan Taylor** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 4:27 pm

Matt Morrison wrote:
Ryan Taylor wrote:This forum is fast becoming a place dominated by discussion about eating habits and food and I'm not sure that's a great direction to be going in.
What?!

Exactly what I was thinking of when I wrote that too. We are compatible.

Peter Mabey · Post by **Peter Mabey** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 5:11 pm

Ryan Taylor wrote: ...I quite like cold toast ...

You can't be the only one, or nobody would have designed the toast-rack to give maximum cooling

Lesley Hines · Post by **Lesley Hines** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 10:04 pm

Peter Mabey wrote:
Ryan Taylor wrote: ...I quite like cold toast ...
You can't be the only one, or nobody would have designed the toast-rack to give maximum cooling

Nah, they're to stop it going manky and chewy, so you can still have crispy toast that's cold. In one of the weirder decrees, accommodation providers aren't allowed to serve chewy toast but cold is fine. How the hell you're supposed to test for it I have no idea.

Edward McCullagh · Post by **Edward McCullagh** » Sat Jan 22, 2011 10:06 pm

Toast with a load of Dairylea spread on it is awesome

Heather Badcock · Post by **Heather Badcock** » Thu Jan 27, 2011 9:44 pm

I like making the toast go cold then eating one crust before splitting the rest of the toast in half, so you get little thin bits of crispiness one side and softiness the other. And i don't put anything on it, just leave it commando.
I think I invented this dish. Try it.

Joseph Krol · Post by **Joseph Krol** » Fri Jan 28, 2011 7:01 am

Heather Badcock wrote:I like making the toast go cold then eating one crust before splitting the rest of the toast in half, so you get little thin bits of crispiness one side and softiness the other. And i don't put anything on it, just leave it commando.
I think I invented this dish. Try it.

I've had it with butter before, and it tasted much the same as normal toast. Never tried it preserveless though.

Gavin Chipper · Post by **Gavin Chipper** » Fri Jan 28, 2011 11:10 am

I've never really understood people just having butter on toast. I don't have butter anyway, but just butter seems a bit weird. Butter is just the pre-topping. It doesn't count itself. It would be like if there was this stuff you put on a wheel before putting a tyre on to help it stay on or something (maybe there is such a thing), and you put that on but then don't bother with the actual tyre.

Ryan Taylor · Post by **Ryan Taylor** » Fri Jan 28, 2011 11:26 am

Gavin Chipper wrote:I've never really understood people just having butter on toast. I don't have butter anyway, but just butter seems a bit weird. Butter is just the pre-topping. It doesn't count itself. It would be like if there was this stuff you put on a wheel before putting a tyre on to help it stay on or something (maybe there is such a thing), and you put that on but then don't bother with the actual tyre.

Great analogy. Butter on toast is fine and tastes good, surely you've just had butter on bread before without a proper filling?

Edit: Bread on butter, butter on bread. What's the difference?

Jon O'Neill · Post by **Jon O'Neill** » Fri Jan 28, 2011 11:32 am

IAWRT

Jon O'Neill · Post by **Jon O'Neill** » Fri Jan 28, 2011 11:33 am

And my toast is always burnt white bread.

Ian Volante · Post by **Ian Volante** » Fri Jan 28, 2011 11:45 am

Jon O'Neill wrote:And my toast is always burnt white bread.

Racist.

Kirk Bevins · Post by **Kirk Bevins** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 12:04 am

My first prize was a toaster and a kettle from a teachers discounts website. This was the start of an obsession with competitions and the start of a long string of wins...

Jon Corby · Post by **Jon Corby** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 9:38 am

I won one of those Siemens Porsche Toasters in a raffle at my kids' preschool. Apparently they cost like £100 or something. It was fucking shite. Looked nice enough, but did fuck all to the bread other than dry it out and burn the edges (and took ages doing it). Really, really fucking terrible, a £3 toaster from Asda would do a better job. Obviously these days it would've gone straight on eBay, but this was about 10 years ago. Can't actually remember what I did with it.

Matt Morrison · Post by **Matt Morrison** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 11:32 am

Does anybody have any opinions on the settings on toasters? I tend to think every toaster is a law unto itself, but there are certain things I always wonder about them:

- does the number you choose pertain purely to the length of time the toaster is on for? This obviously leads to subsequent toastings on the same number setting being more powerful than previous ones, especially noticeable between toasting 1 and toasting 2, as toasting 1 begins with the toaster completely cold. I wonder if some toasters take heat into account as well as time?

- even more often than that I've often found myself wondering how toasters cope with the setting being changed whilst the toast is already down and being toasted. Say you put it down on a 5, if you then change it to a 1, or a 10, will it note that change or just do it as a 5, until you lift up the toaster and then put it down again with the new setting? In this case I tend to think the older toasters with a physical dial are better, as you can imagine a kind of cog timer system behind them. Our current toaster has an LED number selector on the front, and I reckon (though I've not really tested) this one would only observe the number you put the toast down on, and not any changes to the setting while the toast is in.

- what do defrost settings really do? just a real low heat, for a pre-set time? I've never used these fuckers.

- there's also nearly always one button which you haven't got a clue about its use, on modern toasters at least.

Jon Corby · Post by **Jon Corby** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 11:36 am

I've wondered those things too Matt. Particularly as I had a toaster once which claimed to have a "browning sensor" or some bollocks like that. Surely if that were the case, it should just pop the toast straight back up if I put it straight down again. But it doesn't. Or am I supposed to think it registers the initial brown-ness (in case it's brown bread to start with) and then perform some kind of complex target brown-ness based on that? It's a load of balls, isn't it?

Jon O'Neill · Post by **Jon O'Neill** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 11:39 am

Sort of related: I've only recently learned that electric kettles switch off by detecting when there is steam coming out of the water. If you open the lid then it just won't stop boiling. I always thought it would just check the temperature. Mind-blowing.

Michael Wallace · Post by **Michael Wallace** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 11:49 am

Jon Corby wrote:I've wondered those things too Matt. Particularly as I had a toaster once which claimed to have a "browning sensor" or some bollocks like that. Surely if that were the case, it should just pop the toast straight back up if I put it straight down again. But it doesn't. Or am I supposed to think it registers the initial brown-ness (in case it's brown bread to start with) and then perform some kind of complex target brown-ness based on that? It's a load of balls, isn't it?

Racist.

Matt Morrison · Post by **Matt Morrison** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 11:55 am

Great input.

I just did a search for toasters on Amazon, listed by price high-low. First up (amongst commercial panini grills and stuff) there was all those crazy conveyor belt toasters like you get at the included breakfast sessions in European hotels and hostels:

But I was more interested in what the most expensive 'normal' toaster is these days. I was expecting something just over Corby's £100 mark, but found it was this fucker:

It weighs in at £443 and does absolutely fuck all out of the ordinary:

Toast pops up when bread reaches the required browning selected.
Electronic browning controls for each two slot sides.
Four 1 1/8 inch slots can easily accommodate 200 slices per hour.

It is still a commercial one though, not something for the home, and I guess the key thing is 200 slices per hour, which means there must be some toaster-sized jet engines up inside that mother.

The most expensive truly 'normal' toasters, as Jon suggested, seem to be the poncy ones that are more about look than function, such as this retro-looking fucker at almost £200:

Michael Wallace · Post by **Michael Wallace** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 12:03 pm

I would seriously like a conveyor belt toaster. The worst thing about toast is that you get two slices at once, so one's gone cold by the time you've done the toppings and eaten the first one. Ideally I'd want something that also squirted butter and jam on my toast as it came through. I would probably pay a few squids for that.

Jon O'Neill · Post by **Jon O'Neill** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 12:10 pm

Michael Wallace wrote:I would seriously like a conveyor belt toaster. The worst thing about toast is that you get two slices at once, so one's gone cold by the time you've done the toppings and eaten the first one.

You're all about the synchronisation, aren't you!

Joseph Krol · Post by **Joseph Krol** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 3:06 pm

Not sure if this is normal nowadays or not, but at lunch I saw someone get a full-sized toaster out of their bag and use it to make a toastie after hijacking a plug socket in a science lab and using an extension cord to get it under the door.

Jon Corby · Post by **Jon Corby** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 3:55 pm

Did they lay it on its side? Or was it in one of those toastie bag things?

Joseph Krol · Post by **Joseph Krol** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 4:03 pm

Jon Corby wrote:Did they lay it on its side? Or was it in one of those toastie bag things?

Set up was basically, left to right:

The science lab plug, with an extension cord attached on to it.
The door, which the extension cord went under.
The extension cord connecty thing, which the toaster plug was attached to.
The toaster, which was made by Dualit and had two slots.

Hope this answers your questions.

Ryan Taylor · Post by **Ryan Taylor** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 4:20 pm

I have a toaster story. I basically just wondered what setting 5 did to bread in a toaster because I never go above a 3. So after a night out I came back in he early hours and put it to the test. After what seemed liek quite a while there was a bit of smoke coming from the slice of toast and of course the smell of burning toast and the slice still hadn't popped up. I waited a bit longer until it got quite smokey and quite smelly toast-wise before giving in and just popping the toast up anyway. I was quite disappointed that the toaster had effectively beaten me in this game of patience but that was forgotten when I realised the smoke alarm was sure to start going off soon so I frantically starting waving a tea towel around. Thankfully the alarm didn't go off but when I finally woke up the next morning the smell of toast was still lingering in the kitchen and my mum was just like "wtf?". To summarise, the piece of toast was completely black and that was without actually popping up from setting 5 so I just wondered why they even have this setting on in the first place? I can't imagine anybody would ever want to use setting 5 apart from to make a strong smell of toast (which incidentally was voted the nations favourite smell in 2010). I also used to think the numbers on the side of toasters were a heat setting rather than representing minutes.

Matt Morrison · Post by **Matt Morrison** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 4:29 pm

Joseph Krol wrote:Hope this answers your questions.

It doesn't. He was asking how they made a toastie in a toaster.

Jon Corby · Post by **Jon Corby** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 4:31 pm

Joseph Krol wrote:Hope this answers your questions.

Not in the slightest, I was interested how they made a toastie with a regular toaster. I wasn't sitting there puzzling about how you would use an extension cord to connect up a toaster!

Edit: thanks Matt x

Joseph Krol · Post by **Joseph Krol** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 4:31 pm

Matt Morrison wrote:
Joseph Krol wrote:Hope this answers your questions.
It doesn't. He was asking how they made a toastie in a toaster.

Basically they put two slices of bread in the toaster, put a slice of ham in between them and ate them as a sandwich. I've probably misunderstood what a toastie is.

Matt Morrison · Post by **Matt Morrison** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 4:32 pm

Ryan Taylor wrote:I have a toaster story. I basically just wondered what setting 5 did to bread in a toaster because I never go above a 3...

Ryan, you've instantly made the mistake of ignoring my warning that every toaster is a law unto itself. THAT SAID, your toaster is even more unique, I've never heard of something so powerful.
In general, I think most toasters I have experienced have risen to level 8, our current one (the LCD) goes to 9. Yours sounds pretty gay, giving you little choice over precise toastery.

On a related subject, I like crumpets well done, not all soft and doughy. I have yet to find a toaster, in all my life, that can adequately toast a crumpet in one session - I always have to use at least one max setting, then another half, sometimes another whole max.

Matt Morrison · Post by **Matt Morrison** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 4:33 pm

Joseph Krol wrote:Basically they put two slices of bread in the toaster, put a slice of ham in between them and ate them as a sandwich. I've probably misunderstood what a toastie is.

It is certainly a point of controversy. In my eyes "toastie" means a properly done one, in a sandwich toaster, sealed at the edges.
I call two slices of toast with something in between just a "toasted sandwich" or, in fact more often, just "toast" as 90% of the time this is the way I eat my toast regardless of topping (filling).

Ryan Taylor · Post by **Ryan Taylor** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 4:35 pm

Joseph Krol wrote:
Matt Morrison wrote:
Joseph Krol wrote:Hope this answers your questions.
It doesn't. He was asking how they made a toastie in a toaster.
Basically they put two slices of bread in the toaster, put a slice of ham in between them and ate them as a sandwich. I've probably misunderstood what a toastie is.

Nah I've done it before without any toastie bags. Just put the full thing in (has to be like thin bread of course) and the filling in the middle. I did it with cheese at the time and it made the bottom of the toaster pretty messy but the end result was fricking sweet.

Jon Corby · Post by **Jon Corby** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 4:37 pm

Joseph Krol wrote:
Matt Morrison wrote:
Joseph Krol wrote:Hope this answers your questions.
It doesn't. He was asking how they made a toastie in a toaster.
Basically they put two slices of bread in the toaster, put a slice of ham in between them and ate them as a sandwich. I've probably misunderstood what a toastie is.

I'm assuming you mean two slices of toast, with ham then placed between them. That sounds horrific, probably even drier than MWM's vegetarian sausage sandwich from the Little Chef.

A toastie (for me) has to be heated as a whole entity, possibly in a Breville-style machine, or I even use a George Formby grill now. (Those toastie bags do look interesting, but I haven't tried them yet, but how do they avoid all the filling heading south?) But I don't know if that's an absolute definition or just my own. I'd be mighty pissed off to be served the monstrosity you just described in a cafe if I'd ordered a toastie though.

Did they cut their sandwich in half?

Jon Corby · Post by **Jon Corby** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 4:39 pm

Matt Morrison wrote:I call two slices of toast with something in between just a "toasted sandwich"

I don't, toasted sandwich = toastie for me. That said, I don't have a name for two slices of toast for a filling in between, I think it's bad. My missus often toasts the bread when she has a bacon sandwich, it repulses me. SO DRY!

Ryan Taylor · Post by **Ryan Taylor** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 4:39 pm

Matt Morrison wrote:
Ryan Taylor wrote:I have a toaster story. I basically just wondered what setting 5 did to bread in a toaster because I never go above a 3...
Ryan, you've instantly made the mistake of ignoring my warning that every toaster is a law unto itself. THAT SAID, your toaster is even more unique, I've never heard of something so powerful.

Powerful? This was only setting 5 which is supposedly 5 minutes so I'm guessing most toasters will have the same effect. Try it. The toaster is nothing spectacular, my brother bought it as a Mother's Day present. Thoughtful isn't he, especially since my mum is intolerant to gluten.

(I made that last part up)

Soph K · Post by **Soph K** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 4:41 pm

What do you all like on your toast? I like it either: plain, butter/margarine, jam. Probably some more things that I haven't tried.

Jon Corby · Post by **Jon Corby** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 4:43 pm

Soph K wrote:What do you all like on your toast? I like it either: plain, butter/margarine, jam. Probably some more things that I haven't tried.

You just made me think, and I remembered that anchovy paste is amazing on toast. Haven't had any for years though, I'll have to buy some now. Can you still buy Shippam's pastes?

Soph K · Post by **Soph K** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 4:44 pm

Can you still buy Shippam's pastes?

No idea. Never heard of it.

Soph K · Post by **Soph K** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 4:45 pm

Jon Corby wrote:
Soph K wrote:What do you all like on your toast? I like it either: plain, butter/margarine, jam. Probably some more things that I haven't tried.
You just made me think, and I remembered that anchovy paste is amazing on toast. Haven't had any for years though, I'll have to buy some now. Can you still buy Shippam's pastes?

I've only ever heard of anchovies. Never knew there was such thing as anchovy paste.

Jon Corby · Post by **Jon Corby** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 4:47 pm

Soph K wrote:I've only ever heard of anchovies. Never knew there was such thing as anchovy paste.

Anchovy paste is a paste made from anchovies.

Anchovy is such an awesome word, as well as being delicious.

Jon O'Neill · Post by **Jon O'Neill** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 4:48 pm

+1 to toastie meaning the toastie is filled up.

But a toasted ham sandwich is nice, let's not get this shit twisted. You butter the toast, obv, and put mustard in, obv, and perhaps a sliced tomato. The only difference with a normal sandwich is the toast instead of the bread, which is the same dryness differential as having.. toast instead of bread.

Toasties on a George's Foreskin are lovely, yeah.

Jon O'Neill · Post by **Jon O'Neill** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 4:49 pm

Jon Corby wrote:
Matt Morrison wrote:I call two slices of toast with something in between just a "toasted sandwich"
I don't, toasted sandwich = toastie for me. That said, I don't have a name for two slices of toast for a filling in between, I think it's bad. My missus often toasts the bread when she has a bacon sandwich, it repulses me. SO DRY!

Haven't you ever heard of ketchup or brown sauce? You're a moron. Do you think breadsticks are too dry? How about Weetabix?

Soph K · Post by **Soph K** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 4:49 pm

Anchovy is such an awesome word, as well as being delicious.

Anchovies are SOUR!

Jon O'Neill · Post by **Jon O'Neill** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 4:50 pm

Jon Corby wrote:
Soph K wrote:I've only ever heard of anchovies. Never knew there was such thing as anchovy paste.
Anchovy paste is a paste made from anchovies.

Anchovy is such an awesome word, as well as being delicious.

I just threw up on my keyboard at the idea of such a monstrosity as anchovy paste.

Soph K · Post by **Soph K** » Mon Feb 14, 2011 4:51 pm

Anchovy paste is a paste made from anchovies.

I didn't know that ANCHOVY PASTE is made from ANCHOVIES!!! WOW!!! lol