Unintended gaffes

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Thu Sep 24, 2009 8:31 pm

There's a programme on C5 right now about licencing sex shops. The inspector checking out one premises has just said to the store owner....'right, I'm going to shoot off now'

Not what he meant - I'm sure. Any more tales of unintended gaffs to tell??

James Robinson · Post by **James Robinson** » Thu Sep 24, 2009 8:34 pm

Is the title an unintended gaffe

Charlie Reams · Post by **Charlie Reams** » Thu Sep 24, 2009 8:35 pm

This is probably the funniest piece of "missing the full stop on the autocue" ever.

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Thu Sep 24, 2009 8:38 pm

James Robinson wrote:Is the title an unintended gaffe

Yes. To keep you on your toes.

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Thu Sep 24, 2009 8:40 pm

Charlie Reams wrote:This is probably the funniest piece of "missing the full stop on the autocue" ever.

Matt Morrison · Post by **Matt Morrison** » Thu Sep 24, 2009 8:43 pm

From MSN Messenger chatting with Charlie:

Matt [here he is] wrote:(21:32): http://www.c4countdown.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=2789
(21:32): fancy a sweepstake on which annoying fool's going to say "your spelling, sue" ?

Charlie wrote:(21:35): game over already
(21:35): amazing

Charlie Reams wrote:This is probably the funniest piece of "missing the full stop on the autocue" ever.

Brilliant!

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Thu Sep 24, 2009 8:43 pm

WARNING _ THIS POST MENTIONS A PROCEDURE PERFORMED ON THEFEMALE DOWNSTAIRS AREA

I was rather amused by a very enthusiastic junior doctor whose manner was charmingly lively and chatty as he performed my smear test. When he'd finished he paused at the door and said 'nice to have seen you' How lovely!!

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Thu Sep 24, 2009 8:59 pm

Matt Morrison wrote:From MSN Messenger chatting with Charlie:
Matt [here he is] wrote:(21:32): http://www.c4countdown.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=2789
(21:32): fancy a sweepstake on which annoying fool's going to say "your spelling, sue" ?
Charlie wrote:(21:35): game over already
(21:35): amazing
Coulda been worse - Derek might not have picked up my cock up of 'licencing' and messengered me as quickly as he did. That's the 'late, great' Derek, to his friends.

Charlie Reams wrote:This is probably the funniest piece of "missing the full stop on the autocue" ever.
Brilliant!

Matt Morrison · Post by **Matt Morrison** » Thu Sep 24, 2009 9:55 pm

I'm certainly not going to bite on your quoting fail, as it's almost certainly an ironic 'deliberate' gaffe set to catch us out.

Charlie Reams · Post by **Charlie Reams** » Thu Sep 24, 2009 10:09 pm

I can't believe there's a person alive who hasn't seen this by now, but to me it's the funniest news gaffe ever. Or maybe this one, I can't decide.

NB Given the rich river of pedantry which flows through this board, I'm surprised no one has yet commented on the obvious tautology of the thread title.

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Thu Sep 24, 2009 10:17 pm

Matt Morrison wrote:I'm certainly not going to bite on your quoting fail, as it's almost certainly an ironic 'deliberate' gaffe set to catch us out.

'C minus.
Sanders - are you deliberately trying to fail?'

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Thu Sep 24, 2009 10:20 pm

Charlie Reams wrote:I can't believe there's a person alive who hasn't seen this by now, but to me it's the funniest news gaffe ever. Or maybe this one, I can't decide.

NB Given the rich river of pedantry which flows through this board, I'm surprised no one has yet commented on the obvious tautology of the thread title.

I make intended gaffes all the time (tongue poking out smilie here -> <- which I could probably upload and add to post if I put my mind to it)

Phil Reynolds · Post by **Phil Reynolds** » Thu Sep 24, 2009 10:43 pm

One day in March 2006 I was working at a client's office where we had the radio on and, following the midday news, heard something that made me snort with glee. The fact that it came from the gob of that prize prick Jeremy Vine made it all the sweeter.

All afternoon I was thinking "will it still be there on Listen Again by the time I get home or will they have edited it out?"

The answer is captured for posterity here.

Gavin Chipper · Post by **Gavin Chipper** » Thu Sep 24, 2009 10:47 pm

Charlie Reams wrote:NB Given the rich river of pedantry which flows through this board, I'm surprised no one has yet commented on the obvious tautology of the thread title.

I think our friend Microsoft Word would regard this as a gaffe.

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Thu Sep 24, 2009 10:52 pm

Phil Reynolds wrote:One day in March 2006 I was working at a client's office where we had the radio on and, following the midday news, heard something that made me snort with glee. The fact that it came from the gob of that prize prick Jeremy Vine made it all the sweeter.

All afternoon I was thinking "will it still be there on Listen Again by the time I get home or will they have edited it out?"

The answer is captured for posterity here.

Thank you, Phil. I momentarily stopped breathing there! (Don't say ANYTHING, Reams!!!!!)

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Thu Sep 24, 2009 10:58 pm

I heard a rather lovely one from Lisa Tarbuck where she obviously just disengaged her brain for a moment on radio two. She was sitting in on someone's show along with Martin Freeman and they'd been talking about strange things you put in your mouth. Then Martin moved on and started talking about an old school friend - Dean someone, and then apropos to nothing, Lisa just said 'and have you ever had your friend Dean in your mouth?' There was a pause, then you heard their quiet sniggers and Martin said' I think you've just got us sacked.' They went into a record and it was never mentioned again.

Davy Affleck · Post by **Davy Affleck** » Fri Sep 25, 2009 8:55 am

Bill Tennant was a presenter on STV in the 60's.
Fanny Craddock was the guest chef and was making doughnuts.
After she finished Bill signed off by saying " And I hope all your doughnuts turn out like Fannies"

Phil Reynolds · Post by **Phil Reynolds** » Fri Sep 25, 2009 9:45 am

A couple of personal favourites from the radio, the first of which I've heard a recording of and the second which an old friend heard and told me about:

A newsreader struggling in vain to stay grave-voiced after informing the listeners that so-and-so had "died of a fartal hate attack".

The bandleader Billy Cotton introducing a live entertainment show on the BBC Light Programme, announcing "and now here's one for all you Sophie Fucker tans."

Derek Hazell · Post by **Derek Hazell** » Fri Sep 25, 2009 10:46 am

Just read this in an old TV Times:
"Black Hollywood aims to highlight the black professionals' struggles against stereotypes in Hollywood. Most reports on Hollywood are starry-eyed, fawning - and false. This report is different - it describes a 'jungle' of angry talents pitted against a system designed to exclude them."

Lesley Hines · Post by **Lesley Hines** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 7:06 pm

My son has been bought a "Leapfrog Fridge words" for his birthday (he's 3). One of the games is to enter a word it spells out to you. Earlier today it requested ram, then cub - leading to the following letter combinations:
RAM - CAM - CUM...
moving swiftly on...

And curiously after cub it requested pub - surely at the top of every 3yo's vocabulary?

Who says these things aren't educational?

Liam Tiernan · Post by **Liam Tiernan** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 8:33 pm

A woman being interviewed on a holiday programme a few years ago was asked what she liked about Lanzarote. Her reply was meant to be "It's a great place to just spread your wings", instead of which she said "It's a great place to just spread your legs".

David Roe · Post by **David Roe** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 9:30 pm

Jack de Manio once got suspended for mispronouncing the word "Niger" when introducing a radio show called "Land of the Niger". It's not a double G, Jack. It really didn't help that the show was going out live to a special gala function at the Nigerian embassy with all possible BBC high-ups and Nigerian bigwigs present.

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 9:33 pm

When I worked for Specsavers, where patients were asked who their GP was, our computers were loaded up with a list of the names of all the local doctors so we'd only need to put in the first few letters. The default name was Dr King. I once typed in a patient's Gp without deleting the default. The Dr in question was Dr Cowan. So what I ended up with was.....
Dr Cowanking!

Phil Reynolds · Post by **Phil Reynolds** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 10:00 pm

David Roe wrote:Jack de Manio once got suspended for mispronouncing the word "Niger" when introducing a radio show called "Land of the Niger". It's not a double G, Jack. It really didn't help that the show was going out live to a special gala function at the Nigerian embassy with all possible BBC high-ups and Nigerian bigwigs present.

Wasn't it also Jack de Manio who misread a news report about an invasion by Lebanese forces as "Lesbian forces"?

Charlie Reams · Post by **Charlie Reams** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 10:41 pm

Sue Sanders wrote:Cowanking!

That's a tournament I'd attend.

Michael Wallace · Post by **Michael Wallace** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 10:43 pm

Charlie Reams wrote:
Sue Sanders wrote:Cowanking!
That's a tournament I'd attend.

What format would it take?

Charlie Reams · Post by **Charlie Reams** » Thu Oct 01, 2009 10:46 pm

Michael Wallace wrote:
Charlie Reams wrote:
Sue Sanders wrote:Cowanking!
That's a tournament I'd attend.
What format would it take?

Best of 5(-knuckle shuffle).

Kirk Bevins · Post by **Kirk Bevins** » Fri Oct 02, 2009 12:12 am

Charlie Reams wrote: Best of 5(-knuckle shuffle).

Best post ever.

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Fri Oct 02, 2009 3:44 pm

I've remembered another good one.
I used to work at Weatherbys who are the admin arm of The Jockey Club and one of its tasks is registering names given to racehorses - checking a horse of that name hasn't run before, checking that the name isn't too similar to another, translating the foreign language ones to check they aren't rude (Pogue Mahone got rejected whilst I worked there). But a few before my time there, the 'department' consisted essentially of one lady, well into middle age whose unblemished mind was clearly not suspicious of one particular name, as, without running it by any second opinion, she gave it clearance. So for a couple of years there was a horse running whose name was Muff Diver!

Charlie Reams · Post by **Charlie Reams** » Fri Oct 02, 2009 3:51 pm

Sue Sanders wrote:I've remembered another good one.
I used to work at Weatherbys who are the admin arm of The Jockey Club and one of its tasks is registering names given to racehorses - checking a horse of that name hasn't run before, checking that the name isn't too similar to another, translating the foreign language ones to check they aren't rude (Pogue Mahone got rejected whilst I worked there). But a few before my time there, the 'department' consisted essentially of one lady, well into middle age whose unblemished mind was clearly not suspicious of one particular name, as, without running it by any second opinion, she gave it clearance. So for a couple of years there was a horse running whose name was Muff Diver!

Hoof Hearted is my favourite in this noble tradition.

Martin Smith · Post by **Martin Smith** » Mon Nov 02, 2009 12:50 am

I still think the Wrong Guy incident takes some beating. Another one I remember was the caption "extreme right Conservative party member" appearing on screen during a news report, leading the presenter to explain that 'extreme right' was intended as a camera instruction - although this being the BBC we'll never know whether he was just trying to dodge libel laws (is displayed text on TV classed as libel or slander?). The Catchphrase 'Snake Charmer' scene still makes me laugh as well - especially remembering that my brother (who was about 11 at the time) didn't understand what it looked like.

Martin Smith · Post by **Martin Smith** » Mon Nov 02, 2009 12:54 am

Another one I've just remembered from a description of Pheonix Nights (the italics are mine, in case it's too subtle for anyone.

'Former stand-up comic Peter Kay plays a wheelchair-bound nightclub owner....'

Charlie Reams · Post by **Charlie Reams** » Mon Nov 02, 2009 12:58 am

Martin Smith wrote: The Catchphrase 'Snake Charmer' scene still makes me laugh as well - especially remembering that my brother (who was about 11 at the time) didn't understand what it looked like.

Lest anyone hasn't seen it yet...

Julie T · Post by **Julie T** » Mon Nov 02, 2009 1:22 am

Thanks for bumping this thread, Martin, I'd somehow missed it before.
I've actually cried with laughter reading it all through!

Charlie Reams wrote: Or maybe this one

So has racoon boy been to America?

Julie T · Post by **Julie T** » Mon Nov 02, 2009 2:11 pm

Julie T wrote:Thanks for bumping this thread, Martin, I'd somehow missed it before.
I've actually cried with laughter reading it all through!

Charlie Reams wrote: Or maybe this one
So has racoon boy been to America?

Michael Wallace wrote:
Julie T wrote:Damn - just remembered he's gay.
Incorrect.

Well, at least my post fits in well with the thread subject title!

Derek Hazell · Post by **Derek Hazell** » Fri Nov 06, 2009 9:48 am

Carol Vorderman, Countdown's mathematical wizard, says: "I did a request programme for a Leeds radio station for a couple of years. At the very end of one show a listener rang in asking for a mention for his daughter who was undergoing a hospital operation. I dedicated the final record, which was already on the turntable. It was Frank Sinatra, singing My Way. To my horror I heard him singing, 'And now the end is near . . .'. Not really appropriate!"

Sue Sanders · Post by **Sue Sanders** » Fri Nov 06, 2009 10:04 am

I remember a couple of years ago, there was a documenty on about Juliana Wetmore, the little American girl who is known, due to most horrendous birth defects, as 'the girl without a face', Pretty much every feature on her face and head is horribly deformed, she's deaf, can barely talk and has to be fed through a tube

The first ad that came on during one commercial break was for 'Muller' yoghurt - the song 'Ain't Got No'....

Got my eyes, Got my ears, Got my nose,
Got my mouth, Got my smile.

Phil Makepeace · Post by **Phil Makepeace** » Fri Nov 06, 2009 1:36 pm

There was a brilliant one I heard in a taxi the other week from Woman's Hour. Basically, the topic was female headteachers and how easy it is to break into the perceived patriarchy.

"Now, let's hear from Pam, who had to beat off 5 men to get her job as headteacher of x school."

Matt Morrison · Post by **Matt Morrison** » Wed Apr 21, 2010 10:41 am

from BBC news website today:

Photos of the Queen as a baby released to mark her 84th birthday

I read that as a baby being released into the wild to celebrate.

Ian Volante · Post by **Ian Volante** » Wed Apr 21, 2010 11:15 am

Matt Morrison wrote:from BBC news website today:

Photos of the Queen as a baby released to mark her 84th birthday

I read that as a baby being released into the wild to celebrate.

I have the mental image of a huge baby blimp...

EDIT: Also, isn't "Unintended gaffes" a tautology?

Ben Hunter · Post by **Ben Hunter** » Wed Apr 21, 2010 12:39 pm

Matt Morrison wrote:from BBC news website today:

Photos of the Queen as a baby released to mark her 84th birthday

I read that as a baby being released into the wild to celebrate.

What's the actual interpretation of that headline supposed to be?

EDIT: worked it out now. I was pretty worried for a minute.

Matt Morrison · Post by **Matt Morrison** » Thu Jul 22, 2010 10:37 am

BBC news website ambiguity again:

Sri Lankan spinner Muttiah Muralitharan becomes the first bowler to take 800 Test wickets on the final day of his Test career.

Sounds like one helluva long day.

Jon O'Neill · Post by **Jon O'Neill** » Thu Jul 22, 2010 11:09 am

Matt Morrison wrote:BBC news website ambiguity again:

Sri Lankan spinner Muttiah Muralitharan becomes the first bowler to take 800 Test wickets on the final day of his Test career.

Sounds like one helluva long day.

I think if Shane Warne was still playing, he would've had a shot at 800 wickets on the last day of Muralitharan's career.

Peter Mabey · Post by **Peter Mabey** » Thu Jul 22, 2010 7:30 pm

When's David Cameron going to apologise for his grotesque blunder in Washington:

"In 1940 we were the junior partners [to the USA]..."

In 1940 Britain didn't have any significant partners in its war against Germany, least of all the USA, where it was an imprisonable offence to take part in the war.

(Thanks to Al Streatfield at the Crossword Centre for reporting this.)

Charlie Reams · Post by **Charlie Reams** » Thu Jul 22, 2010 7:33 pm

Peter Mabey wrote:When's David Cameron going to apologise for his grotesque blunder in Washington:

"In 1940 we were the junior partners [to the USA]..."

In 1940 Britain didn't have any significant partners in its war against Germany, least of all the USA, where it was an imprisonable offence to take part in the war.

(Thanks to Al Streatfield at the Crossword Centre for reporting this.)

I imagine he meant to say 1940s rather than 1940. Not such a big deal.

Jon Corby · Post by **Jon Corby** » Mon Feb 21, 2011 9:25 am

Simon Weston was sat in the audience at Dancing On Ice last night, next to Denise Welch's husband. Denise had candles all round the ice rink during her skate, so straight after a close-up shot of the Simon in the audience, Philip Schofield made a quip about being concerned that Denise was going to skate off into the candles and go up in flames...

Jon O'Neill · Post by **Jon O'Neill** » Mon Feb 21, 2011 9:27 am

Jon Corby wrote:Simon Weston was sat in the audience at Dancing On Ice last night, next to Denise Welch's husband. Denise had candles all round the ice rink during her skate, so straight after a close-up shot of the Simon in the audience, Philip Schofield made a quip about being concerned that Denise was going to skate off into the candles and go up in flames...

Wow.

Mark James · Post by **Mark James** » Mon Feb 21, 2011 5:02 pm

The Sky News teletext had a headline that said "Man responsible for Britain's Floods". Well find the bastard and stop him. Obviously they meant mankind.

Liam Tiernan · Post by **Liam Tiernan** » Tue Feb 22, 2011 10:08 pm

Just remembered a famous one that happened during Pope John Paul II's visit to Ireland. As he stepped off the plane at Dublin Airport and went into his usual schtick off kissing the ground, the band played "The Holy Ground" (a traditional Irish ballad). Very appropriate, you might think, if it weren't for the fact that the "Holy Ground" in question was actually a Liverpool whorehouse.

Gavin Chipper · Post by **Gavin Chipper** » Tue Feb 22, 2011 10:43 pm

Jon Corby wrote:Simon Weston was sat in the audience at Dancing On Ice last night, next to Denise Welch's husband. Denise had candles all round the ice rink during her skate, so straight after a close-up shot of the Simon in the audience, Philip Schofield made a quip about being concerned that Denise was going to skate off into the candles and go up in flames...

What?

Edit - Oh, Simon Weston is that solider guy who got burnt.

Matt Morrison · Post by **Matt Morrison** » Wed Mar 30, 2011 11:42 am

I'm embarrassed to say I read today's headline "Jordan battles to regain 'priceless' Christian relics" as completely the wrong Jordan.

Lesley Hines · Post by **Lesley Hines** » Wed Mar 30, 2011 11:49 am

Lol @ Matt

(Though I dare say she's tried to get her hands on a Christian's relics at some point.)

There's a furniture shop in town that's erected a massive sign that's surely intended to read "The cheapest quality sofas in town", and actually reads "The cheapest quality sofas in town". Unfortunately the latter is true.

Mark James · Post by **Mark James** » Wed Mar 30, 2011 2:31 pm

Another one from Sky teletext was "Student goes missing in Bath". He's probably hiding behind the shower curtain.

Adam Gillard · Post by **Adam Gillard** » Mon Apr 11, 2011 11:28 am

The message on the big screen introducing John Bishop's "Elvis Has Left the Building" gig intimated that there was only one man in the audience. However, when the camera panned out I saw that this was incorrect.

Matt Morrison · Post by **Matt Morrison** » Fri May 20, 2011 9:21 am

From BBC News today: London 2012: One million bid for Olympics 100m tickets

I was genuinely "no way, I thought the tickets would be really popular, how are they going to get rid of the other 99 million?"

Adam Gillard · Post by **Adam Gillard** » Thu Jun 30, 2011 11:38 pm

What are the worst/funniest public gaffes that people have ever made/seen?

The worst I've ever seen is when a member of our synagogue called Adolf Hillel was celebrating his 90th birthday. I read his name in the news sheet and could sort of see it coming, but hoped that the warden who made the announcements at the end of the service would also have seen it coming and been extra careful. You can probably guess what he read off the news sheet and announced to the whole congregation (this isn't a cue for outlandish replies).

One of the funny (well, according to my family who remind me of it from time to time) ones that I've done was this: I was probably about 6 and had sat and watched a video on a trip to the Science Museum. I obviously learnt something from the video, because when we were eating spaghetti in a restaurant afterwards, I felt compelled to shout out "Sperm!" loud enough for all the other diners to hear.

Can't remember any particularly funny gaffes I've seen other people make. Might think of one at some point. Interested to hear some funny stories though (and maybe some cringeworthy ones too).

Steve Balog · Post by **Steve Balog** » Fri Jul 01, 2011 2:29 am

Was talking to a girl at college during a dorm event where there was a Dance Dance Revolution setup. I played a couple games out of boredom (I'm better than I should be at it) and we started talking. Somehow within two minutes I actually managed to convince her, from playing DDR, that I was at one point in my life a backup performer for a production of Riverdance, but we talked for a bit, and the following conversation came up:

Her: What dorm you live in?
Me: [my dorm]
Her: Oh, my brother lives there, he's on the second floor (of 8)!
Me: Oh, is he one of those jerks who takes the elevator to the 2nd floor? (There's quite a few people who did this. I was on floor 4 at the time and I hated when people did this without actually having a reason, I mean there's stairs come on)
Her: My brother has (some disease, I actually forgot which). He can't walk.

... 5 seconds of awkward silence, me apologising, and then me playing the hardest song on their DDR setup because a couple people saw me and wanted to see it, and a hasty exit ensued. We didn't say anything else to each other after the elevator exchange.

Ryan Taylor · Post by **Ryan Taylor** » Fri Jul 01, 2011 7:08 am

From the pub quiz last night. Stupidity at its best.

Firstly one of the questions was read out as "How is the clacicle better known in the human body?" Everyone knows it should be "clavicle" and shouts this at the QM however he remains adamant and starts saying "but why is there a C in the word then?". I shouted "because V is next to C on a keyboard". Made him look like a right mug.

Secondly, and the best of the lot. The question was obviously written down on his sheet as "In which TV show could you hear the catchphrase "¿qué?" and I think you can guess what happens. He reads it as "queue/cue". Obviously when we heard it everyone was flummoxed. Lots of puzzled faces and exhaling of breath. I probed him and said is it "queue" as in the letter "Q" (thinking it could possibly be something James Bond related) but he said "no, it's spelt like a 'queue' that you stand in". Again everyone is all bemused. He senses something is not right and asks the barmaid and amazingly even she backs him up and says "oh yeah, yeah, it's a queue that you stand in". Eventually I asked him how is it spelt and he said "Q-U-E with a question mark at the end". The penny drops and everyone writes down the answer coupled with hurling him abuse and mocking him for his incompetence. You'd think it would stop there but no, he went on to say "well, I don't know bloody French do I?" Amateur.

James Robinson · Post by **James Robinson** » Fri Jul 01, 2011 7:43 am

Ryan Taylor wrote:From the pub quiz last night. Stupidity at its best.

Firstly one of the questions was read out as "How is the clacicle better known in the human body?" Everyone knows it should be "clavicle" and shouts this at the QM however he remains adamant and starts saying "but why is there a C in the word then?". I shouted "because V is next to C on a keyboard". Made him look like a right mug.

Secondly, and the best of the lot. The question was obviously written down on his sheet as "In which TV show could you hear the catchphrase "¿qué?" and I think you can guess what happens. He reads it as "queue/cue". Obviously when we heard it everyone was flummoxed. Lots of puzzled faces and exhaling of breath. I probed him and said is it "queue" as in the letter "Q" (thinking it could possibly be something James Bond related) but he said "no, it's spelt like a 'queue' that you stand in". Again everyone is all bemused. He senses something is not right and asks the barmaid and amazingly even she backs him up and says "oh yeah, yeah, it's a queue that you stand in". Eventually I asked him how is it spelt and he said "Q-U-E with a question mark at the end". The penny drops and everyone writes down the answer coupled with hurling him abuse and mocking him for his incompetence. You'd think it would stop there but no, he went on to say "well, I don't know bloody French do I?" Amateur.

SUPER LIKE!

Ian Volante · Post by **Ian Volante** » Fri Jul 01, 2011 8:01 am

Ryan Taylor wrote:From the pub quiz last night. Stupidity at its best.

Firstly one of the questions was read out as "How is the clacicle better known in the human body?" Everyone knows it should be "clavicle" and shouts this at the QM however he remains adamant and starts saying "but why is there a C in the word then?". I shouted "because V is next to C on a keyboard". Made him look like a right mug.

Secondly, and the best of the lot. The question was obviously written down on his sheet as "In which TV show could you hear the catchphrase "¿qué?" and I think you can guess what happens. He reads it as "queue/cue". Obviously when we heard it everyone was flummoxed. Lots of puzzled faces and exhaling of breath. I probed him and said is it "queue" as in the letter "Q" (thinking it could possibly be something James Bond related) but he said "no, it's spelt like a 'queue' that you stand in". Again everyone is all bemused. He senses something is not right and asks the barmaid and amazingly even she backs him up and says "oh yeah, yeah, it's a queue that you stand in". Eventually I asked him how is it spelt and he said "Q-U-E with a question mark at the end". The penny drops and everyone writes down the answer coupled with hurling him abuse and mocking him for his incompetence. You'd think it would stop there but no, he went on to say "well, I don't know bloody French do I?" Amateur.

Ha, minus one hundred points for using generic quizzes read by clueless muppets...