Daily Mail pumps out more horrific stories

[Davy Affleck]

- England - The Daily Mail pumps out more horrific stories per day than any other fear-mongering media outlet, says an independent press body.



Someone is attacked by a Daily Mail headline every 30 seconds in Britain, figures revealed last night.

"Is it safe to come out from under the bed yet?"

After reading the latest stabbing headlines from the Daily Mail, many are so traumatised that they dare not go outside into the seething mass of tortuous hell that is Daily Mail Britain today.

It's bad enough trying to survive in Gordon Brown's Britain without having the horrific gruesome fear inducing headlines from the Daily Mail rammed into your brain every 30 seconds.

"I live in perpetual fear. I never put the lights on in my house at night and cower under the kitchen table reading the Daily Mail on my laptop. If it's not how my house value has dropped by 3,500%, it's about some nasty vermin feral scum who is waiting outside my door to stab me repeatedly with a six inch kitchen knife. Ooh look! I just refreshed the headline now and it says that I could die soon from cancer if I don't eat more grapes everyday. Aaargh!" Johnson B. Smythe, 45, from Middle Britain told the Daily Mail.

The true picture of violent Daily Mail stories could be even worse. Some experts believe that they are getting even more fearful by the day.

"We believe that the stories are getting so incredibly ridiculous that one day the Daily Mail offices might just explode with anguish. It would be quite a sight to behold, all those overpaid Daily Mail bullies all with their already huge heads exploded all over the streets. Quite a sight I tell you," one of the media experts working on the project divulged.



http://dailysquib.co.uk/?c=117&a=2004

[Jason Larsen]

Thank you, Davy!

More's the pity that such newspapers like that exist here.

[Alec Rivers]

More's the pity that such newspapers like that exist here.

Pedants Corner

Tautology alert: Choose such or like that but not both.

[Ian Volante]

More's the pity that such newspapers like that exist here.

Pedants Corner

Tautology alert: Choose such or like that but not both.

"Pedants' Corner" methinks.

[Alec Rivers]

More's the pity that such newspapers like that exist here.

Pedants Corner

Tautology alert: Choose such or like that but not both.

"Pedants' Corner" methinks.

As Charlie has previously pointed out, pedants can be used here as an adjectival noun.

[Ian Volante]

Pedants Corner

Tautology alert: Choose such or like that but not both.

"Pedants' Corner" methinks.

As Charlie has previously pointed out, pedants can be used here as an adjectival noun.

You bloody know-it-alls are a right pain in the hole!

[Alec Rivers]

You bloody know-it-alls are a right pain in the hole!

lol. If it's any consolation, I used to write pedants' corner before I had the privilege of that brief exposure to the wisdom of our magnificent leader.

[Ian Volante]

You bloody know-it-alls are a right pain in the hole!

lol. If it's any consolation, I used to write pedants' corner before I had the privilege of that brief exposure to the wisdom of our magnificent leader.

I'm sticking with the original, makes more sense to me that way...

[Jason Larsen]

Being pedantic is not a bad thing, is it?

[Lesley Hines]

"Pedants' Corner" methinks.

If you wanted to keep the apostrophe it would depend on how many there are. None in my house...

[Jason Larsen]

Lesley.

You sweet, innocent person.

You be so nice and sweet to us and all of a sudden you do this?

Wow.

[Alec Rivers]

Qué?

[Derek Hazell]

Leave Britney Alone.

[Sue Sanders]

The Jeremy Vine show went a little more Daily Mail than usual today with the discussion about the student who, whilst apparently VERY drunk, pee'd on a war memorial. He's hugely embarrassed and remorseful and has apologised for any offence caused but is threatened with a prison sentence. A predictable mixture of support -'all been young once' etc, and anger of the 'put him in the stocks' variety

One man felt however, that he shouldn't go to prison.

"He should be stoned to death".

Nice. Yes - the country could be so much more proud of itself if it simply had all its bevvied wrong-doers put to death and using a satisfyingly long drawn out method to boot. I'm sure that's what we fought Hitler for the right to do!

[Marc Meakin]

Bring back the Birch

[Sue Sanders]

Interesting looking drama on Monday - 'The Execution of Gary Glitter'. Premise seems to be it's set in a Britain with capital punishment.

[Jason Larsen]

Lesley debated the issue I talked about.

Also, everyone please look at my latest reply in the old Off-Topic thread that I bumped.

[Lesley Hines]

Lesley debated the issue I talked about.

Did I? Which issue? I never really debate - more think aloud on stuff. I'll argue with anyone who says otherwise

Jason, if you look at the top right hand corner of posts you're thinking about there's a little button called 'quote'. It would certainly help me no end - your posts are beautifully succinct but I'm not always quite sure what they're pertaining to. Once you're in there you can edit the quote (not the actual content, obviously) to your heart's content as long as there's always an equal number of sqbrckt quote closesqbrkt and sqbrckt /quote closesqbrkt.

Actually - being pedantic? Makes me laugh. I don't give a monkey what anyone else's stuff looks like as long as mine's ok. My post was just an entertaining little thought I had

[Marc Meakin]

Jason, is it true you Americans have periods instead of full stops.

[Jason Larsen]

Lesley, sorry, sweetheart. I meant to address your issue about apostrophes.

[Gavin Chipper]

Jason, is it true you Americans have periods instead of full stops.

I think most American men avoid this problem by speaking in one long sentence for their whole life. Women try to do the same, but slip up every month or so.

[Derek Hazell]

Interesting looking drama on Monday - 'The Execution of Gary Glitter'. Premise seems to be it's set in a Britain with capital punishment.

Less than 20 minutes in, and Dictionary Corner's Ann Widdecombe has already spoken of Britain's "rampant paedophilia".

[Gavin Chipper]

Interesting looking drama on Monday - 'The Execution of Gary Glitter'. Premise seems to be it's set in a Britain with capital punishment.

Less than 20 minutes in, and Dictionary Corner's Ann Widdecombe has already spoken of Britain's "rampant paedophilia".

Why have you got her as your avatar?